Bravery
by Panja Mysy
Summary: Bravery comes in many forms as Jean Kirschstein discovers at a run of the mill meeting. A proposal for expansion beyond the wall is made by the most unlikely of people, the field workers. Everyone considered them as military dropouts who didn't make the cut, but Jean is seeing a new side of humanity's providers. More info inside!
1. Chapter 1

**My newest endeavour I felt like doing after my Attack on Titan rewatch. I have not yet finished the manga so this is slightly AU since I don't know the details very well past the current anime season (reading the manga currently but only have the first three volumes at the moment). When I say AU, I mean it's the same setting as the original with a bit of a difference in what's happening, bits and pieces of original story to fit it together.**

 **This is a fic with a prominent OC, but the plan is to make this character likeable and believable (I have succeeded in this a few times before so don't hate until you give her a chance!). Mainly Jean/OC friendship but it might develop into a romance, however, this will not be purely a smut fic so feel free to skip to those chappies later on if you wish, but you'll be missing a lot of the fun!**

 **DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Attack on Titan is not mine and the following story is purely for entertainment's sake and no money is being made off of it. Also, OC is not meant to resemble anyone in particular so if there is any crazy resemblance to someone, it's purely accidental!**

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"Kirschstein!"

"Yes sir?" Jean Kirschstein pushed himself away from the stone wall he'd been leaning lazily against and slammed his closed fist against his chest in a salute as Captain Levi approached him from down the hall. Levi returned the salute and they both relaxed into a casual talking stance.

"You look like you could use some work to do," Levi stated dully, looking up at his squad mate with his usual bored expression.

"I suppose so, sir." Jean admitted, glancing back at the wooden doors that led to the room where Annie's body remained cased in her self-made crystal tomb. Guard duty was a necessity, he knew...but, damn, was it boring.

"I was supposed to attend a meeting today to hear from a committee some citizens have formed about expansion beyond the walls," Levi stated, brushing a speck of dirt from his otherwise immaculate uniform, "I really, really hate these types of meetings but there has to be at least one representative from each military branch present. How would you like to go in my place?"

"But, sir, I'm not an officer," Jean reminded him, "They wouldn't take me seriously."

"Nonsense," Levi assured him with a dismissive wave of his hand, "You're my hand-picked second in command, there will be no question about your presence. Besides, all you have to do is be there and vote on the issue. I trust you'll be smart about it."

"When is the meeting?" Jean asked.

"In ten minutes," Levi stated, unconcerned.

Jean rolled his eyes, of course...he would have to book it as fast as he could to make it to the courthouse in time.

"But...who's gonna guard?" he asked as he stepped away from the door, his muscles ready to run as soon as Levi gave him to go.

"I will," Levi replied simply, "It's preferable to attending that meeting."

"Sir." Jean acknowledge and spun on his heels, taking off down the stone corridor at top speed, his ODM gear rattling as he went. When he was outside, he took off down the street in the direction of the large, central, stone building that was this city's courthouse. "Damn it, Levi...way to give a guy a heads up before you send him off to represent you."

Taking the steps three at a time, Jean made it to the third floor in record time and skidded to a stop in front of the door to the meeting room. He took a moment to catch his breath before entering. A dozen heads turned to look at him and he felt his cheeks heat up in a nervous blush as he walked to the empty seat next to the Military Police representative and sat down without a word.

"Now that the Survey Corp has provided a representative, can we get this meeting started?" said the man next to him with a sneer, "I have a lot to do back at my post."

 _Right._ Jean thought to himself, _Like play chess, sleep or walk around with a rifle pretending to be well trained and capable? I can't believe I ever wanted to be one of those idiots._

"Our meeting today was called because several concerned citizens have formed a committee to represent themselves here and request military assistance for some sort of hair brained scheme they cooked up."

Jean glanced up at the man speaking, some sort of politician that he didn't recognize. He didn't like him already, his tone was condescending and annoyed and Jean could tell this man was not going to take anything about this meeting seriously...and, looking around the table at the bored and uncaring expressions, he got the feeling this poor committee representative was walking into a lion's den. There was no way they would even consider the request, let alone agree to take action.

"If we are all present and ready to hear the request then let the committee's representative in," the politician announced loudly. An MP standing next to the door nodded and exited the room, returning shortly with another person behind him.

It was a woman, a young one, probably about Jean's age and she followed the soldier with her head held high, her walk was confident and almost worthy of being labeled a "strut". She tossed her long brown hair back from her face and came to a stop in the center of the room, facing the group of people gathered to hear her speak, her eyes were bright and excited and a light blue color. Jean thought she was rather plain looking, nothing to write home about as she stood there in her brown and tan dress, but her confident demeanor and the excited gleam in her eyes made him sit up straighter in his seat, she had his full attention.

"Good afternoon," the girl began, her voice was strong but Jean noticed a nervous waver in her tone, "My name is Sigrid Wolff. I am here to represent a group of people from the farming community and the field workers."

 _The field workers?_ Jean furrowed his brow in confusion. _Why would field workers be requesting military assistance?_

"I was chosen to present to you an idea that those of us who work the land and provide the citizens and soldiers alike with the food that sustains their lives have come up with. As you all know well, another famine is on the horizon with the loss of the large amount of land within Wall Maria...a large amount of fields, farms, hunting villages and orchards were lost and, with the recent peace, the population has grown in the last year by a large number. The amount of land we possess within the current walls as they stand will not be enough to sustain the population long term."

 _Oh...shit...she's completely right._ Jean felt his stomach tighten, remembering the hunger pains he'd suffered through during the last famine when Wall Maria fell and the refugees had flooded into Wall Rose, many had come to his town, Trost, and food was so scarce that he'd given up his fair share for the sake of his mother to eat well. He never wanted to feel that way ever again, but this girl was right...they had lost so much land and so many resources that it was a very high possibility. He leaned forward slightly, focused completely on the girl's words.

"We believe wall construction needs to take place again, in small increments, to take back the land bit by bit from the wandering Titans behind Wall Maria...and beyond. If we can reclaim the land, the threat of famine will be lessened if not completely erased."

"How do you propose we reclaim the land?" Jean found himself speaking out loud, even though his mind was screaming at him to not be the one to get involved, "Do you know how many of my comrades I've seen die right in front of me on our missions to try and accomplish that?"

The girl looked somewhat surprised by his outburst and she blinked quickly as she stared at him, but then she shook her head as if to clear it and she gave him a look of sad sympathy.

"I am very sorry you've had to go through what you have," she said, and Jean could hear the sincerity in her voice, like she knew exactly how he felt, "I have nothing but the utmost respect for our military, the Scouts in particular, but, if you'll pardon my bluntness, you've been doing it wrong."

Jean sat back up in surprise, his eyes widened and he felt that familiar feeling of rage building up inside. This woman was bold and outspoken...and she was pissing him off. How dare she assume to know better than the brightest minds in the military?

"Please don't take this the wrong way," Sigrid quickly stated, holding up her hands in a gesture of peace, "Allow me to explain the plan and you will see my point."

She pulled a roll of paper from the bag she carried and she approached the group, unrolling it to reveal a map. She knelt on the floor in front of them and ran her finger around the area that was once inside Wall Maria, she looked up and met Jean's eyes seriously.

"The problem you face when the military plans is that they are focused on the goal of taking all the land back at once," she explained, "Our goals are different. Now, what I am suggesting is costly and will take some time to achieve, but it is logical. We must consider the value of the land and decided that taking it back is of utmost importance."

Jean listened closely, leaning over to look down at her map. He glanced around and noticed with annoyance that not a single other person in the room seemed at all interested, some even looked like they were asleep. What she was saying was important...but they didn't care.

"Go on," he encouraged her, letting her know that at least he was going to listen. She smiled and pulled out a pencil, marking a section of the lost land in a small square.

"What we have to do is expand a little at a time," she stated confidently, "Building new walls as we go. We clear a section of the land from Titans, mark the new foundations of the walls, then we build the wall around that land...effectively reclaiming that section. Then, we move out again, marking and building, then we knock down the middle wall, thereby connecting the new section to the first section."

She drew two perfect squares next to eachother and then erased the line between them, making it a long rectangle.

"So...we would build square sections next to each other little by little, clearing the Titans as we go," she reiterated, "Eventually we will reach the original Wall Maria...then we can knock down all the walls between the two borders and be connected to Maria again."

The squares she drew spread out from Wall Rose across to Wall Maria and then she erased all the lines inside, making one giant rectangle that stretched between the two walls on the map. It was brilliant...of course...how had they not thought of this before?

"You're...you're right," Jean said, feeling humbled by the fact that a bunch of field workers had thought of such a strategy when the brilliant minds of people like Armin and Commander Erwin had only been focused on the big picture, claiming back the entire area inside the Wall. "This is...a brilliant idea."

"You really think so?" Sigrid looked surprised at his statement, "I...I mean, do you believe it's good enough to take to the higher ups?"

Jean then realized he was digging himself into a hole...

"I mean," Sigrid continued, seeing the look Jean's face had taken on, "We desperately want to provide the people with food, that is our job, our duty...we can't do that without land to farm. There just isn't enough in the remaining area to support the population. You see this fact, right?"

"Yeah, I do," Jean admitted with a sigh, "But good luck getting the rest of these people to agree."

"I only need one person," Sigrid insisted quietly, "It only takes one rock to start a landslide. Sir..."

"Jean, not sir, I'm not an officer," he corrected her quickly, "Actually...I only came to this meeting because my Captain didn't want to. I'm not anyone who can change the way things are."

"I don't believe that," Sigrid replied, "You seem like someone who is willing to stand out. Someone who isn't willing to take things lying down."

Jean cocked his head slightly and Sigrid held the map up for him to examine again.

"Think about it," she encouraged him, "I've said my piece...now the vote will decide the fate of my proposal."

She stood quickly and backed up to her original spot in the room's center.

"Thank you all for taking the time out of your busy schedules to hear my proposal," she announced loudly, jolting a few snoozing jury members awake, "I know that the wise among you will see the logic of this plan and I hope you will grant our request for this plan to commence to the next step in becoming reality."

She gave Jean a meaningful glance and nodded slightly before she marched out of the room the same way she'd entered, head high, back straight, her stride confident and unwavering. Jean watched her go and then he sighed, his eyes dropping to his boots that were firmly planted on the wooden floor by the legs of his chair, he leaned forward and ran his hand through his hair, his thoughts going wild.

"For the sake of this being official, we have to hold a vote," the politician announced, "Yay or nay to the super expensive, time consuming, resource demanding proposition of the lowly field workers?"

A resounding "nay" rang out loudly from all the voters...all but one.

"Yay."

Every head turned to look at the ashen haired young man who had spoken. He was blushing brightly now under their angry scrutiny, but he squared his shoulders and forced himself to appear confident.

"What did you say, boy?" a large man who appeared to be some sort of merchant growled, leaning forward threateningly, Jean only glared directly back. "You do realize that a unanimous vote is required to dismiss a proposal? You are not going to be the only one screwing up this vote."

"Yes, I am," Jean replied simply, "She's right. And it's really pathetic that you all can't see that."

"Leave it to the Scouts to agree with such a stupid plan," the MP representative muttered, making Jean clench his fist to avoid punching his dumb face.

"My vote counts as a vote from Captain Levi Ackerman since I am here as his representative," Jean stated, hoping this didn't come back to bite him in the ass...Levi might just kick him out of his squad for this..."And Levi speaks for the Scouts themselves. If the rest of you want to vote no, it doesn't matter, this proposal will be given over to Commander Erwin Smith to consider if our regiment is the only one to consider its value."

"Then let them have it," the Garrison Regiment representative said calmly, "I have things I need to accomplish today and I have no time to sit here and argue about this. Let the Scouts have it, my regiment's job is to defend the Wall, no matter where that wall might stand and no matter if it added to or reduced."

The soldier stood and walked out, successfully terminating the assembly. Muttering, the individual members began to leave while Jean remained seated wondering what the hell he had just done.

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 **Here's the start! Silly Jean, jumping into a big deal without thinking it through...**

 **Well, let me know what you think. How do you like Sigrid? What do you think of the plan? Would you have voted for it? Should this become a romance fic someday or remain a friendship? I love to hear from you all :)**

 **Reviews rock my face off!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Thanks for the feedback I got so far! I am going to try very hard to keep people in character and not play up the typical fandom tropes as much as possible because these characters deserve to be written right :)**

 **Without further delay, chapter 2.**

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Sigrid sucked her bottom lip into her mouth as her nerves threatened to make her turn around and run...why the hell had s _he_ been chosen to present the plans to the local council meeting? She hated public speaking with a burning passion! But, here she was, standing outside the large wooden door with an MP on either side of her, ushering her forward...there was no turning back now.

She entered the room and let her lip go, trying to look somewhat professional about this whole thing. Her eyes scanned the people in the room and she felt her heart drop slightly at the bored expression on every single face. She was told to stand in the center of the room, facing the area where the group of about ten individuals sat in their seats waiting to hear her proposal. Nervousness threatened to take over again but then she noticed one of the representatives, a young man, had sat up in attention and he looked eager to listen, she felt her confidence rise and she cleared her throat to begin.

"Good afternoon," Oh goodness, her voice was shaking, she just knew it. "My name is Sigrid Wolff. I am here to represent a group of people from the farming community and the field workers."

She saw the young man cock his head, a silent question written in his expression. Sigrid assumed he was wondering why the farmers would be asking for the help of the military and this encouraged her to continue with a much more clear tone to tell them about the impending famine she and all other food producers saw coming in the near future, reminding them of the staggering amount of land they'd lost when Wall Maria fell. When she finished her statement, she noticed the young man's expression had taken on a look of deep unhappiness, his eyebrows knitted together in what looked almost like pain...almost as if he could feel his empty stomach the famine would cause at this very moment. When he leaned forward on his chair, Sigrid's heart soared. _He's listening. He's taking this seriously! All I need is one vote for this whole thing to go the next level in the system...he's my only chance._

"How do you propose we reclaim the land?" his question made her jerk slightly in surprise at being spoken to and she noticed several of the men seated around jerked too, probably being awoken from their naps, "Do you know how many of my comrades I've seen die right in front of me on our missions to try and accomplish that?"

Sigrid blinked in surprise at his unexpected question. _He must be the representative from the Survey Corps. Of course they would be the only ones to take this seriously._ Sigrid decided she liked this young man's voice, it was deeper than she expected, with an angry edge to it she assumed came from the touchiness of the subject at hand...he must have seen so much death and pain already for such a young age. She could relate...

She immediately tried to sooth him by acknowledging his comment, but she had to tell the truth...The Scouts had not thought it through enough. They were too focused on taking ALL the land at once. She saw the look of pure rage come over the ashen haired Scout's face and she felt a sense of panic. _No, no, listen to me! Don't shut me out now, I need your support!_

Sigrid pulled the map she and the others had drawn out of her bag and quickly made her way towards him, kneeling on the ground in front of his seat and laying the map out between them. She jabbed her finger to the paper in the area between the walls and explained her plan as quickly as she could, desperate for him to listen again. She began by admitting it would be dangerous and costly but the most logical of ideas and she felt slightly relieved when he leaned over his knees to listen.

"Go on," he said softly, causing her to look up at him and smile. She immediately liked his face. His expression was calm, his lips set in a firm line as he listened, his ash-blonde shaggy hair hung into his beautiful tawny eyes as they focused on the map, his perfectly shaped, dark eyebrows were scrunched in concentration. He had a bit of a long face, but it fit him perfectly. _He's...very handsome. Those eyes are such a lovely color._

Sigrid immediately began drawing illustrations of the plans on her makeshift map and explained the plan's details, shoving the thought of handsome soldiers out of her mind, this was business time! She animatedly drew out her entire plan, erasing where needed and adding on to show the finished product: a section of land walled in on all sides that stretched all the way to Wall Maria. She set down her pencil and sat back on her heels with a sigh, waiting quietly for his reaction.

"You're...you're right," she heard him say quietly, he looked utterly floored as he stared at the small rectangle on the map, "This is...a brilliant idea."

Sigrid felt her heart clench tightly. This was it...this was what she'd come here to accomplish!

"You really think so?" she asked happily, "I mean, do you believe it's good enough to take to the higher ups?"

Sigrid immediately regretted her words because the soldier's face fell, his interested and awed expression became one of self doubt and worry. She immediately reminded him of the goal, to provide the human race with enough food to eat, to fight off famine, to save lives! He unhappily told her she would have no luck getting the voters to agree since half of them were asleep or uninterested. Maybe he didn't understand how these meeting worked?

"I only need one person," she explained, "It only takes one rock to start a landslide, Sir..."

"Jean, not sir, I'm not an officer," he said, leaning back in his seat again, "Actually...I only came to this meeting because my Captain didn't want to. I'm not anyone who can change the way things are."

 _No, don't talk like that! You're the only hope for this plan going through! Don't chicken out now!_

"I don't believe that," Sigrid stated firmly, and she believed it. He seemed stubborn, like someone just crazy enough to break the unanimous vote, "You seem like someone who is willing to stand out. Someone who isn't willing to take things lying down."

He looked conflicted and Sigrid sighed...her time was up and nothing more she could say would make him do anything different than what he already had planned. She held the map out for him to see one more time and then rolled it up to put it away.

"Think about it," she said out of desperation, "I've said my piece...now the vote will decide the fate of my proposal."

She finished her presentation by loudly thanking the council, noticing that the loud farewell jarred several of the member awake, she threw in a comment about being wise enough to see the benefit of the proposal and gave the young man one last pleading look...she hoped very much that he was wise.

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Sigrid scuffed the toe of her shoe in the dirt of the road that led to her village and sighed heavily, wondering what the council's decision would be. How long would it take to hear the results? She looked around as she walked and waved to her neighboring farmers, telling them over and over again, as each new one asked, that she was not informed of the vote's outcome yet and that they would all have to wait and see.

The MPs had been kind enough to bring her this far by carriage at least, but they'd dropped her off still about two miles from her village and she'd had to walk the rest of the way. Not that it bothered her to walk, but she had a lot of work to do and this was a waste of precious time. Thankfully, her farm was on this side of the village so it was less of a walk than it could have been. She reached the edge of her Northern field and she examined the rows as she walked through it towards her house...hmm, she'd have to think about doing some weeding tomorrow.

"Sigrid!" a familiar voice cut into her thoughts and she looked up, smiling at the approaching figure.

"Hey, Kasia," she greeted with a wave.

Kasia Warren was a very unique individual. Kasia had deep brown eyes, long, tight curls of jet black hair and skin the color of melted chocolate...one of the last of her race and also Sigrid's best friend.

"Sigrid, how did the presentation go?" Kasia asked excitedly, falling into step beside her friend and housemate, "Did they take you seriously? Did you get a yes?"

"They haven't told me the decision yet," Sigrid replied unhappily, "And they didn't inform me of when to expect an answer either."

Kasia looked incredibly disappointed for a moment but then she quickly brightened back up. Sigrid always admired Kasia's unfaltering ability to make the best out of a situation.

"Cheer up," her friend's hand collided with her back in a mighty slap and Sigrid felt herself almost lose her balance from the impact, "They'll tell you when it's time. Now, before the sun sets, we need to check on the sweet potatoes because I am fairly sure they're about ready to dig up! The strawberries have gotten the first berries on them, still green, but they've obviously took well to the soil."

Sigrid felt relieved about that. Strawberries were a good product because they returned every year without needing to replant as long as you cared for them properly throughout winter. Sweet potatoes were a staple of nearly every human being inside the walls, full of nutrients and very filling, they were a very important crop.

"How about the peas?" she asked, "Are they looking like they'll produce much?"

Kasia bit her cheek and sighed.

"I think they'll produce some," she admitted, "But not enough to be of much use to the populous. But every little bit helps, right?"

"Hopefully the pumpkin crop will make up for it," Sigrid said positively, "They have a lot of promise!"

Pumpkins were an excellent crop. Simple to grow, easy to care for, and they resulted in two forms of food: the meat of the pumpkin and the seeds which could be roasted and eaten...they were actually Kasia's favorite treat.

"Maybe next year we should think about something other than peas," Kasia was saying quietly when Sigrid started paying attention, "It's just...it's the damn soil, you know? Using it over and over again every year without letting it replenish is making our crops smaller each year. The government can't expect us to produce enough food when the soil is used up."

"I know," Sigrid sighed, kneeling down to scoop up a handful of loose earth, she let it slide through her fingers, "We need more land. We need..."

"We need the proposal to go through," Kasia finished for her, nodding in understanding.

"I just hope we get word from them soon," Sigrid stood up and looked back towards the East where the central government was located. _I sure hope that Jean kid made the right choice._

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 _I sure hope I made the right choice!_

Jean grabbed a handful of his hair as he walked down the stairs to the dungeon where he knew Levi would be awaiting his return from the meeting, his other hand clutched the envelope that held the official copy of the proposal inside.

 _Damn it! What the hell was I thinking? Levi is going to kill me for bringing his name into this whole thing...I'll be on crystal Annie guard duty for the rest of my life._

As he rounded the last corner before the room where Levi stood guard, he halted and collected himself for a moment, breathing deeply and mentally preparing himself for the shit storm to come. Finally he turned the corner...and immediately spun on his heel to run back the way he had come.

"Jean, get your ass back here!" Levi's insistent snap made him freeze and turn back around, his face flushed and his gait unsteady from pure nervousness. Not only was Captain Levi standing there awaiting his return, but Commander Erwin was standing there as well, looking expectant. Jean groaned softly and forced his feet to move towards his commanding officers, his eyes focused on the floor and his head slightly ducked. He stopped in front of the two men and raised his fist to his chest in a salute.

"At ease, Kirschstein," Commander Erwin's voice made Jean's legs start to shake. He was in trouble...he was in _so much trouble._

"What's that you've got there?" Levi's hand shot out and snatched the envelope before Jean could even react and he watched in horror as his squad leader pulled out the papers and began perusing them intently, his bored expression remained firmly in place. Jean waited on pins and needles. "So...this is the proposal from the meeting today?"

"Yes sir," Jean spoke around the lump of fear in his throat and he felt ashamed at the high pitched quality of his voice that it caused.

Levi handed the papers to the Commander and Jean wished he could sink into the cracks of the floor...only there were none...and Levi deep cleaned so much that not even cracks in the floor were safe. The Commander took a lot longer time looking over the papers and Jean felt beads of sweat dripping down his face from the intensity of his discomfort and nervousness. Finally, Erwin's piercing blue eyes snapped up to meet his and he felt his whole body jerk in surprise.

"What is your opinion on this idea, Kirschstein?" the Commander's words took a moment to sink in.

"Uh...I...does my opinion really matter, sir?" he asked, completely taken aback by the question, "I mean...I'm in no position of authority, sir. I follow orders."

"You obviously were in a position of authority this afternoon at that meeting," Erwin corrected him, "And you saw something in this proposal that you deemed worthy of bringing to the attention of Levi and I."

Jean looked at Levi for help, but he remained stoic as always. No help there.

"I...thought it sounded like a logical idea, sir," Jean admitted, trying to sound confident in his decision. The Commander was giving away no signs of how _he_ felt about the idea.

"And what made you think that?"

"It...reminded me of a plan that Armin Arlert would have come up with, to be honest," Jean admitted, his shoulders slumped in defeat, he might as well say his piece before he was dismissed from the military or sent to die on the front line. "When the representative showed me the example on the map...I started to wonder why we'd never thought of reclaiming the land piece by piece. You always say small victories add up to big ones...and this seemed like a similar concept. I had to make a choice and I knew if I didn't stand up for it and give it a chance, the proposal would be dismissed completely and thrown out. I...thought it deserved to be considered."

Silence fell over the corridor to the point where Jean almost swore he heard Annie's breathing from her crystal tomb...impossible as that may have been. He felt like his lungs were being squished as he waited for a response to his statements.

"So, you believe you made the right choice?" Jean let out the breath he'd been holding when Erwin finally spoke again.

"I went with my gut, sir," he said, honestly, "If it's the right choice, well, that remains to be seen."

"See what I mean, Erwin?" Levi finally spoke, his voice calm.

"Yes, I do, Levi," Erwin nodded in reply, his eyes still locked on Jean's, "He shows a lot of promise."

"Huh?" Jean cocked his head slightly and scrunched his brow in confusion.

"Captain Levi has suggested giving you a chance to prove yourself capable of becoming an officer," Erwin informed him, "This meeting was a little test we put you through. The Scouts have already taken this proposal to the highest powers...and it's been approved."

"Historia approved it?" Jean asked, incredulously, "Already? I...just brought it to you."

"Didn't you hear, you idiot?" Levi rolled his eyes, "We already had the plan arranged. You going to that meeting was simply a test to see if you would be able to judge the worth of the proposal yourself."

"Oh..." Jean blushed, feeling a bit slow from his shock, "And...you want _me_ to become an officer?"

"Not if you're going to keep acting that dumb," Levi muttered.

But Commander Erwin was nodding seriously.

"Yes, that's what this was all about," he stated, "You have a good head on your shoulders, Jean Kirschstein, and I've read reports from all manner of people in all three regiments that commend you for bravery and leadership skills. Many of your comrades from the 104th have endless amounts of praise for you...along with some negatives as well."

"Of course, sir," Jean knew his negatives like the back of his hand, his loud mouth, his stubbornness, his bad attitude that made it hard to play nice with others sometimes, his temper...yeah, he could imagine what those reports said about those aspects of his character. But...they'd commended him as well...

"All signs point to you having the stuff it takes to be a squad leader and maybe more," Erwin assured him calmly and seriously, "So, starting tomorrow, you'll be taking command of your own squad. That is, if you choose to accept the raise in rank."

Jean stared at the two men before him for a long time, his mind whirling with conflicting thoughts of excitement, fear, pride, humility, eagerness and uneasiness. Him? An actual squad leader? In charge of and responsible for a group of his peers and elders? Was he really capable of this? He never aspired to be a leader...he never asked for it...it just came to him when he was desperate. Or did it? Was he capable of this all along and he just never let himself see it?

"Are you going to answer or did your pea-sized brain overload from this information?" Levi asked snarkily.

Jean closed his eyes and took a deep breath, slamming his fist onto his chest and placing his other arm firmly against his back, his salute as firm and resolved as it had been when he'd pledged to join the Scouts that terrible night several years ago.

"I accept, sir."

"Go and get something to eat, soldier, take the rest of the evening off," Erwin said, returning the salute with a nod, "You've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow and I expect you to be prepared in every way."

Jean nodded, his head still full of questions and disbelief, and turned to leave his commanding officers in the dungeon.

"Tell me, Levi," Erwin said thoughtfully as he and the Captain watched the ashen haired youth walk away on shaky legs, "Thinking about his personality type and then taking a good look at him...does he remind you on someone?"

Levi remained quiet for a moment, watching Jean until he disappeared around the corner, then he hung his head slightly.

"With one major difference," he said quietly, his voice tinged with emotion, "Auruo was never quite that humble."

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 ***SPOILERS AHEAD***

 ***SPOILERS AHEAD***

 **So, since I haven't read very far in the manga yet, I am only using bits and pieces of what I know to work with the story. So, Historia is queen, but Reiner and Bertholdt are still undiscovered for this storyline because...well...I love them and I want them to be in my story as their adorable human selves.**

 **Since I don't know much about the story beyond the anime (I am in the process, but it's slow going because I lack good access to the manga) most will be my own version of "After the events of the anime" with some canon mixed in.**

 **I'll try to keep it legit though :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**It's been a pretty dull day here on the ambulance, all we've done so far was help the coroner collect a body. I've had plenty of time to write today so, surprise, have two chapters!**

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Jean woke up and immediately felt sick to his stomach, the stress of knowing what the day was bringing his way hit him hard and he tumbled out of his bunk and rushed for the window and threw it open, leaning out to throw up on the lawn outside. He looked down at the puddle of his stomach contents in the grass with a grim expression and took a deep breath before pulling himself back inside, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and scowling at the taste on his tongue.

"You alright, Jean?" Connie asked from his bottom bunk which was near the window, "Man, you look like crap!"

"I'm fine," Jean stated, blushing from a mix of embarrassment and stomach pain, "Just...nervous."

Connie regarded him for a moment longer and then something seemed to click in the buzz cut head of his and he grinned widely.

"Oh, yeah!" he said, his voice high pitched with excitement, "You're getting your squad assignments today, right?"

Jean nodded, trying not to look as terrified as he was feeling...but failing miserably considering he was pale and shaking from his unprofessional vomiting episode.

"Well, good luck today, man," Connie's tone became serious and Jean looked over to check his friend's expression. There was something he couldn't quite identify in Connie's hazel eyes. "You deserve this, remember that. You've proven over and over again that you have what it takes to lead."

Jean blinked in surprise, he hadn't expected this from the little joker, but the honesty on his friend's face made his confidence grown slightly, enough anyway to make his stomach stop clenching from nervousness.

"Thanks, Connie," he said quietly as he turned to grab his uniform and gear from his wardrobe. When he'd fastened the final strap, successfully attaching his ODM gear to his sides, he examined himself in the full length mirror.

He had definitely grown up since the day he stood before Keith Shadis, he noted with some pride. His shoulders had broadened and his muscles had become defined from the years of ODM use and horsemanship and straight up running for his life, his face had matured somewhat but he still maintained that youthful look...but there was definitely something different in his eyes these days, death and pain were forever etched in their golden depths. Some things remained the same though, he was still tall and lanky by most standards and his hair remained the exact same spiky, two-toned undercut he'd sported since even before he joined the military.

 _I need to stop in and tell mom when this is all official...she'll be so proud of me._

He wasn't sure where that thought had come from, but it was even more encouraging than Connie's words...his mother would proud...he suddenly couldn't wait for this to be official so he could return home and tell her about his promotion.

"Hey, Jean," Eren Jeager's voice interrupted his thoughts and he looked over his shoulder with a scowl reserved only for his friend/foe. But Eren was standing there with his eyes focused on the floor, his right hand running up and down his left arm, he looked uncomfortable, "You...um...you're going to be a great squad leader, man. I mean it, you're going to do the 104th proud."

Jean turned slightly to get a better look at the dark haired boy he'd had so many altercations with. He stared for a moment in disbelief before squaring his shoulders and placing his hand on his comrade's shoulder with a genuine smile.

"Thanks, Jeager," he said, feeling a sudden rush of companionship with the slightly shorter boy...no, man. They were all men now, Jean realized suddenly, they were veterans. "I'm going to do my best. Take care of the Levi Squad...I'll...I'll miss you guys."

"You act like you'll never see us again," Connie spoke up from near the window where he'd obviously decided to wake up and get dressed.

"Well, he'll be stationed elsewhere from now on," Eren pointed out, "So he won't be here with us anymore."

Connie's face took on a look of understanding and his shoulders slumped in dismay.

"You're right," he admitted, "Damn...it's gonna be weird here without you, Jean."

Jean felt an uncomfortable lump threatening to rise in his throat and he grunted to dispel it, shaking his head in fake amusement.

"Come on, you two babies," he stated firmly, straightening his back and turning towards the door, "Don't be getting all sentimental on me. I'll see you all later."

Without another word, Jean exited the room before either of his comrades could see the emotional state their words were threatening to cause. He took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh and began walking down the halls towards the common room to grab some breakfast before he left.

Levi, Sasha, Mikasa, and Armin sat at the table, cups of tea in front of them all. Levi set his cup down and nodded as Jean collected his plateful of the breakfast that looked so incredibly good that he assumed Sasha was responsible for it. He smiled gently at the food, remembering back to the cook-off he and his friend had. Her skills on the hunt and her determination had won him over and he had never looked at Sasha the same way after that...he saw her as so much more than "Potato Girl", she was a capable soldier and fighter to the end, a highly spirited girl with endless energy and more intelligence than most gave her credit for.

He sat next to Levi in the empty spot that they had obviously saved for him and tucked into his plate immediately, his recently emptied stomach was growling and demanding sustenance.

"Don't forget to chew," Mikasa stated from across the table, her eyes squinted in mild disgust at him shoveling food into his mouth, "Choking to death on the day of your promotion would be a really stupid way to die."

Jean looked up at the beautiful girl with a full mouthed smile and he nodded, a blush creeping over his cheeks. Damn, why did he always do stupid things around her? He chewed his over sized mouthful and swallowed it with some effort, the lump of food stretching his esophagus painfully, he made a pained face but remained quiet. He had given up his attempts at getting Mikasa to return his crush, but he couldn't help the fluttering in his stomach that he still felt at the sight of her and the sound of her voice.

"Sorry," he muttered softly, feeling embarrassed under her scrutiny. But when he finally met her eyes he saw something different in her expression, her eyes weren't bored as they usually were when she looked at him, they held a new warmth in their dark depths and he wondered what that look meant.

"I know you're excited," Mikasa replied, her nod told him she accepted his apology, "We're all excited for you too. We're very proud of you."

Jean wanted to focus on Mikasa's praise for a lifetime but Armin's words cut into the moment.

"That's right, Jean," the blonde said, his wide blue eyes sparkling with happiness, "I always knew you'd be a squad leader. I'll never forget how you led the cadets to HQ at Trost, how you led Annie, Connie and Marco out when your team leader was killed when Eren was moving the boulder...and when you led the attack on Annie with Reiner and I."

Jean felt his cheeks heating up at the Armin's words.

"Alright, enough of the sentimental garbage," Levi rolled his eyes and set his empty teacup down with a loud _clink_ , "Are you ready to go?"

Jean let out a steadying breath and closed his eyes for a moment and nodded, taking a long drink of his tea before rising to fall into step beside his Captain. He raised his head and tried to put on an air of confidence as they left the barracks the Levi Squad shared, but as he mounted his horse and began to leave, he looked back with an comfortable tugging at his heart. His comrades, his friends, stood on the front steps, waving and cheering loudly...he took a mental picture of the moment and felt his eyes threaten to spill over with tears. He turned away and focused on the Wings of Freedom on Levi's back to keep his emotions in check...it was time to look forward, not back.

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The ceremony wasn't really anything special, just Commander Erwin, Captain Levi and a few other officers in a small room reading him the oath he was to repeat and a pin showing his new rank was pinned to his jacket by Levi...and that was it. He was officially a Squad Leader of the Scout Regiment.

"I'll go with you for your first day to help you get settled and answer any questions you have," Levi informed him as they walked down the hall of the courthouse where the ceremony had taken place, "I have your orders here."

Jean accepted the papers Levi held out and he scanned through them curiously. His heart dropped slightly when he saw that his squad, Squad 78, was to be stationed in a small barracks near a village near the inside of Wall Rose, just behind Karanese on the river. So far away from the current location of the Levi Squad.

"Once you and your squad have settled in, you will be given further orders," Levi informed him, "Hope you're ready for this, Kirschstein."

"I'll do my best, sir."

Levi nodded, his expression unreadable as always.

"Let's go meet your squad. You'll be in command of five soldiers."

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They rode towards Karanese District at a steady pace, the rhythmic sound of hooves striking the ground and the feel of his horse beneath him soon had Jean relaxed and feeling like everything would be ok. Riding always calmed him down and he was glad for the long road to his new barracks so he could gather his thoughts.

He was a Squad Leader now. It was official. There was no turning back from it. He was on his way to meet a new group of people, people he would most likely have to command in difficult situations, people he may have to see die before his very eyes...it took so much trust to follow an order that could lead to your death. He remembered some of the orders he'd been given through the years, how foolish they seemed at the time and the nagging in the back of his mind that told him not to obey...but he'd trusted his comrades and trusted Captain Levi. Would these five strangers be able to trust him like that one day?

He suddenly felt a desire to become a leader whose squad would follow his orders with confidence and faith, he desired to be that kind of leader, he realized suddenly. He wanted to be as inspiring to his new comrades as Captain Levi was to him.

"Stop worrying," Levi's voice shattered Jean's thoughts and he looked over to his right where the Captain had slowed to match pace and talk, "You've proven yourself enough. Now it's time for you to stop trying to be impressive and start trying to be realistic."

Jean furrowed his brow. How had Levi known what he was even thinking?

"You can't compare yourself to any other Squad Leader," Levi reiterated, "You have to be yourself and lead the best you can with the abilities you possess. Stop thinking about copying other people and focus on being the type of leader only you can be."

"Yes, sir," Jean replied, his voice shaking slightly from the surprise of Levi's seemingly inside knowledge to his thoughts.

"You remind me of a squad mate I once had," Levi confided quietly, "You even look like him a bit...same hair and eyes, same horse face. You also have his sense of wanting to be who you aren't. He was so stuck on being more like me that he actually started to talk like me and act like me...he lost track of who he was and it effected a lot of his relationships with people."

Jean looked at Levi incredulously, letting the "horse face" comment slide this time.

"However, he was a skilled soldier, he had the highest kill count in all of the ranks of the Scouts," Levi continued, "He had a lot of potential...and so do you. Don't waste my good intentions, Jean."

It finally clicked in Jean's mind. Levi...he was the one who suggested his promotion to Erwin, he had pushed the idea because he saw the same potential of his old squad mate in him. Suddenly, Jean felt a burning desire to prove his Captain right; he wouldn't make the same mistakes, he would make his own way and become the leader that Marco had told him a long time ago that he was, that Levi now believed he was, that Armin and the others encouraged him to be. He would do it for them as well as himself.

"I won't let you down," he said simply, his determined expression leaving no doubt to be found.

"It's not me you should be concerned about," Levi reminded him, "Just don't let yourself down."

They rode the rest of the way in silence and the sun was setting as they trotted up to the decent sized stone building that was the barracks for this small farming town. Jean dismounted his horse and stretched the kinks from his back and rubbed the soreness from his tailbone then followed Levi towards the front door.

Two soldiers greeted them upon their entry with solid salutes, Jean and Levi returned them and then they all stood facing eachother. Jean waited a moment for Levi to kick things off but then he realized...these were his new squad mates. He gave them both a nod and tried to make his face appear stern yet friendly at the same time.

"Good evening, soldiers," he said, the words sounding so strange as they rolled off his tongue, "My name is Jean Kirschstein and I'm your newly appointed Squad Leader. Introduce yourselves."

The first to speak was a boy who appeared to be freshly graduated from the newest cadet class, he was of average height with an unruly mop of sandy brown hair that he had attempted to tuck behind his ear. His eyes were a dark blue color and Jean saw a look of unhappiness in them.

"Sir, my name is Phillip Mueller from Karanese District," he announced calmly, sounding almost bored with the situation.

The soldier beside him, a girl who was about the same height as Phillip, clasped her hand back into a proper salute, her bright hazel eyes shining bright and excited underneath her long waves of carrot colored hair, her face alight with a broad smile.

"Sir, I am Whinny Godfrey from the river village of Sutton, I am proud to be a member of the 78th squad, sir!"

Jean couldn't help but return the loud and excited girl's smile and he marveled at the extreme differences between the two soldiers now under his command: one on fire and ready to please and one who looked bored enough to fall asleep on his feet in front of his commanding officer.

"The powers that be decided it would be best to test your abilities to handle soldiers with varying personalities," Levi informed him from his left side, making Jean want to roll his eyes. Of course the "powers that be" would do something like that..."However, they also decided that an element of trust and dedication is important as well."

Jean was about to ask what Levi was referring to when the answer walked through the doorway behind the two soldiers...three answers in the form of very familiar faces. Armin Arlert, Connie Springer and Sasha Braus came to stand next to the two younger soldiers and they all three raised their fists in genuine salutes.

"We're ready to follow your lead, sir!" Connie spoke up loudly, making Jean's eyes widen even further then they already had.

"Wait...what is this?" he asked in shock, looking to Levi for answers, but he remained quiet and impassive.

"We requested to be transferred to your squad with Captain Levi's approval," Armin explained, "Jean...Eren and Mikasa are better suited for the Special Operations Squad and...we didn't want you to have to go and do this all on your own."

"We know we can trust you with our lives," Connie said simply.

"We want to be a part of this," Sasha seemed to flawlessly continue Connie's thoughts, "When we heard you were being promoted and we were asked for our written evaluations of your leadership abilities...we realized as we recalled all the times you took the lead and guided us that you're the one we want to follow the most. No offense, Captain."

"None taken," Levi assured them, "But this puts me in an awkward spot of replacing the loss of most of my squad in one day."

The three of them dropped their eyes to the floor at those words and Levi let out his usual _tch_ noise.

"Well, what do you think of your rag-tag group, Kirschstein?" he asked.

Jean couldn't stop the massive grin that spread across his face as he took in the squad...Survey Corp Squad 78... _his_ squad.

"I think we're gonna kick some Titan ass, Captain."

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 **So I wrote this while I was half asleep so...I sincerely hope I did it some justice. Don't worry, Eren and Mikasa and the others will still be making their appearances in this story so don't be sad if they're your favorites!**

 **Drop me some lines and let me know how you feel about the tale I am weaving :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Happy 4th of July, everyone! I am at work on the ambulance all day today so if no one in this town acts stupid and blows off their hand with a firework or drowns in the river because they're drunk and decide to go for a swim, I should have plenty of time to write and complete this chapter and maybe more!**

 **5 months since I first saw Attack on Titan and I'm STILL not over the deaths of Marco and the Levi Squad...especially the Levi Squad...especially Auruo and Petra whom I ship rather hard...god, my poor heart.**

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Jean stood in the all too quiet commander's room and looked around at the bare shelves and the empty closets then he looked down at his single bag of worldly possessions...he wondered why he was given so much space when he owned so little. He eyed the single empty bed on the other side of the room and he felt uncomfortable with how quiet the whole place was after being in a barracks full of people for the last several years of his life. He already missed the late night whispering conversations between the soldiers, the boisterous tales of the less combat oriented individuals' sexual conquests, the snoring of Eren as he flopped over on his back on his bunk above Jean in the Levi Squad's small station, Connie's snorting laughter at something Armin had said...how was he ever going to be able to sleep in this heavy silence? Silence left far too much room for his thoughts to run wild.

Even now, his mind was tormenting him as he stood in the moonbeam the single window allowed in. He was an officer now, he could no longer be who he used to be and could no longer think of only himself...he was now responsible for the lives of five people under his command, three of those lives were those of very close friends. He thought of their expressions when they came into that room to present themselves as the completion of his squad, all three of them had looked at him with eyes that clearly said they had complete trust in him, looks of respect. He didn't feel like he deserved this level of loyalty, to be honest...what did they see in him that he couldn't?

The old familiar thought of Marco's statement as they restocked their supplies after their mad dash to the HQ in Trost flitted into his mind and he clearly saw his friend's freckled face in the darkness.

"I don't think you're a good leader because you're strong, I think you're a good leader because you know what it is to be weak. You're one of us, you're scared out of your mind just like we all are and it makes you alert, sympathetic."

The unwelcome memory made a thick wad form in his throat and he swallowed thickly. That had been the moment that changed everything...Marco's words had affected him more deeply than he ever realized until he found him later, dead in the street. Now, he almost felt like Marco was there with him as he made his decisions, like a guardian angel flying on ODM gear right beside him as he dodged Titan mouths and fists, that stupid smile on that freckled face that he had always smiled when he was proud of his comrades. Jean wondered for the hundredth time what kind of a soldier Marco would have made. Would he have joined the Scouts in the end? Would he be sleeping the next room after loyally following Connie, Sasha and Armin to be in Jean's squad? Would he even have survived the 57th recon mission where so many good men and women had died by Annie's hands?

"Stop it." Jean snapped out loud to himself. "Get your shit together. You've got a squad to lead tomorrow and there's no time to be losing sleep and thinking about the past."

So he finally moved his feet, walking to the large, wooden wardrobe against the right wall. He removed the bulky ODM gear, piece by piece, and laid it all out on the bed behind him so he could clean, lubricate and polish it all...after all, this gear being in top condition could mean the difference between life and death. He remembered the time when his gear had malfunctioned on the streets of Trost and he'd had to run away on foot from a Titan, hiding like a frightened child in a house until he could get a new set of gear...Marco had swooped in to save his ass from that Titan coming up behind him. The thought was like a punch in his gut as he remembered watching in shock as Marco flew right past the Titan's face, missing being grabbed just barely. For some reason, people thought he was worth risking their lives for...even Annie had jumped in to help him get to the safety of the Wall. He had swore never to neglect the care of his gear ever again after that shit storm.

When he'd triple checked every bit of the gear for flaws, he finally gathered it all together and laid it out on a shelf next to the wardrobe, an easy place to access it if he needed it quickly. Sighing heavily, the stress of the day was finally starting to wear him down and the long ride on horseback was beginning to take its toll. He began removing the straps and found it difficult because he was stiff and sore, he let the top half of his harness hang down as he sat on the bed to pull his boots and leg straps off. He set the boots next to the bed and laid the harness out on top of his ODM gear, then he unbuttoned and removed his shirt and hung it very carefully on a hanger, knowing he needed to be more mindful of keeping his uniform clean and tidy now that he was an officer...appearances and all that. He gratefully added his pants to the closet and stood there naked as his birthday and closed his eyes, letting the cold air of the room soak into his tight muscles for a moment before he collapsed on the bed, lazily pulling the blankets up over him and closing his eyes.

But sleep did not come easy despite his exhausted body...his mind was wide awake and so was he. After a long time spent worrying about the next day and what it would entail, he finally drifted into an uneasy sleep full of the faces of fallen comrades and all the people he'd failed along the way to where he was now.

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A knock on his door jerked Jean awake and the sight of the sunlight streaming through the window made him jump out of bed immediately. Pulling on a thin pair of linen pants, he trotted to the door and opened it a crack to find Whinny Godfrey's wide hazel eyes peering at him from the shadows of the hallway. She blushed brightly as she took in his bare torso but quickly composed herself and gave him a salute.

"Sir, sorry to approach you so boldly," she said, sounding embarressed, "But...the others are starting to wake up and I figured you would want to be the first one out there to greet them since this is our first day as a real squad together."

Damn, she was right! As their leader, he should have been awake already and out there ready to greet them as they filed in to report for duty!

"Thanks, Whinny," he whispered, "I...uh...normally would be. I had a long night."

Why the hell was he telling her that? He was her commanding officer, not some simple friendly soldier!

"It'll be our secret, sir," Whinny assured him, "I imagine you're very nervous about your first day as our leader."

He didn't answer, he simply shut the door and ran to gather his uniform and harness as fast as he could manage. He pulled it all on flawlessly, years of putting it on and taking it off had made it second nature, and he was out the door in a flash, running until he was close to the doorway to the common room where he slowed to a steady, almost too proper walk, his back impeccably straight and his chin held higher than he normally would. He pictured Commander Erwin's stance and gait in his mind and attempted to emulate it because he'd always thought the Commander's presence demanded respect and awe.

"Dude, who stuck a corncob up your ass?"

Jean's thoughts were cut off by the snarky tone and he glance over to the right side of the room where Phillip Mueller leaned against the wall, his uniform shirt un-tucked and the top half of his harness straps hanging off his hips. His blue eyes were bored as they had been last night.

"Excuse me?" Jean's temper flared at the sight of this disrespectful little shit. _What makes this kid think he can just say stuff like that and stand around looking like that?!_

But, before he could say anything else to his disrespectful subordinate the rest of his squad filed into the room and lined up for morning inspection. Phillip pushed himself away from the wall and lazily made his way to stand at the end of the line. All five of them saluted, but four of them were real and one was full of sarcasm. Jean returned the salute and nodded for them to relax. Levi slid into the room behind the soldiers so only Jean saw him enter, he suddenly felt sick to his stomach under the Captain's scrutiny.

"Good morning, soldiers," he began, trying desperately not to let his voice shake. He could not afford to show any sort of weakness if he hoped to put Phillip in his place. "Sasha Braus!"

Sasha jumped slightly but stood up straight as she could.

"Yes sir?" she asked loudly, almost too loudly due to her surprise.

"Do you remember cadet training, Braus?" Jean asked, his eyes not on Sasha at all as he approached Phillip with a threatening stride.

"Very vividly, sir," Sasha confirmed, her eyes following her squad leader's movements towards the young, obstinate brown haired boy at the end of the line.

"Tell me, Braus," Jean's voice hardened automatically to a low, threatening tone that he didn't even realize he was capable of. He stood toe to toe with his troublesome soldier, looking down at him, "What was the punishment for being a smartass with a big mouth and a bad attitude towards your commanding officer?"

Sasha hesitated for a moment.

"Running, sir, if that's the one you mean," she stated, obviously thinking of her first day in training when she'd been told to run till the sun sets.

"That's the one," Jean affirmed, his eyes squinted into a fierce glare, "Mueller, I want those straps in place and your uniform in proper order!"

The deep and dangerous tone of Jean's voice must have had some sort of impact on the young man because Phillip just shrugged and tucked in his shirt then pulled his top straps into place with a shrug when he was finished.

"And for your obvious contempt of authority and your piss poor attitude, you get outside and run," Jean continued, "You run until you can't run anymore! I mean it, soldier, I better see a trench in the ground around this place before you even dare consider stopping! If you can still stand by the time you stop then you are not done! NOW GET OUT OF MY FACE AND MOVE IT!"

A brief flash of something other than boredom flitted into Phillip's eyes for a split second but it was gone just as quick as it had come and he gave Jean a sneering smile as he backed away, it held a threatening promise in it. He gave a snarky salute and then made his way outside and began running as commanded, making a wide circle around the barracks.

Jean turned back to the rest of his squad and he saw the amused look on Connie's face and he glared at his comrade.

"Got something to say, Springer?" he asked, not feeling charitable at the moment.

"Nothing, sir," Connie replied easily, "I've just never heard you like that before."

Jean's upper lip curled into a snarl that clearly told Connie he wasn't in the mood and the short soldier fell quiet, but remained smiling.

"Alright, Squad 78, here's the layout of our day," Jean settled back into his more relaxed stance and scanned the four people before him, "First off, this place needs a deep clean."

Levi nodded his approval, his eye scanning the dusty room with disgust and Jean was glad to see that the Captain thought it was a worthy way to spend the day.

"Second I want all of you to perform a close inspection of your ODM gear," he continued with his rundown of the day's activities, "I want them properly oiled, I want gas levels checked, I want wires examined, I want blade sharpness assured...the whole package."

"May I ask why, sir?" Whinny spoke up, not looking annoyed at the work he was requesting, but looking more interested in the actual reason.

"Your ODM gear is the difference between life and death in many cases," Jean informed her patiently, he much preferred her inquisitive and forward attitude to Phillip's rebellious and snarky one, "I know firsthand how malfunctioning equipment can put you in danger. This will be a daily routine, soldiers."

"Yes sir!" his squad nodded in understanding.

"Excuse me, but when do we get breakfast?" Sasha, of course, spoke up.

"When I've dismissed you, Braus," Jean stated firmly, cocking his head and giving her an annoyed look.

"Of course," Sasha said, blushing slightly, "Sorry."

Jean stood there before his squad, suddenly feeling awkward because...he honestly had no more on the agenda he'd just pulled out of his ass...and he realized now he had absolutely no clue what they were going to eat and he dreaded Sasha discovering this fact and attacking him out of desperation.

Levi must have sensed his desperation because an evil grin had spread across his face, his normally uncaring expression had turned to one of twisted amusement, Jean has a crazy desire to punch his smug little face...but he just stood up straighter and put on a confident face as he smacked his fist to his chest in a salute to his squad.

"I'll keep you updated on anything new that comes up," he stated simply, "I need a word with Captain Levi. Dismissed."

The four soldiers returned his salute and Sasha made a beeline for the cupboards that Jean knew would be completely bare so he quickly walked over to Levi and jerked his head, begging him to follow and he was so relieved when Levi pushed away from the wall and fell in step beside him.

"God, that was a complete failure," Jean muttered unhappily, rubbing his palms into his sleep deprived eyes.

"Not completely," Levi stated generously, albeit still amused, "You have a gift for doling out punishment, it would seem. You need to work on the everyday commanding though."

"Well...I don't exactly _know_ what I'm commanding for, sir," Jean snapped, "I know you and Erwin sent me and my squad here for a reason but you haven't seen fit to explain why."

Levi looked up at him with a shrewd expression.

"You're definitely not a total idiot," he said, turning to the left to enter a room that was totally empty with the exception of a desk in the center of it, "Here's your office."

"My office?" Jean eyed the dust covered old desk with disgust, there wasn't even a chair to go with it ad he squatted onto his heels behind it, barely peeking over the top from this height, "Yeah, this is incredibly comfortable, I could get a lot of work done here."

Levi rolled his eyes and yanked Jean into a standing position, looking angry.

"Stop with your snark, Kirschstein," he said firmly, "I have your order here. I figured you should get your squad busy for a while before I gave them to you."

He pulled an envelope from his jacket pocket and handed it over and Jean opened it with shaking hands...he was almost afraid to see the contents, to be responsible for whatever was written within. He scanned the words on the paper he pulled out and they widened more and more with every paragraph.

"Commander Erwin...wants me to head up the protection of the expansion process?"

This must have been news to Levi because his eyes went wide-ish with surprise.

"I guess your comrades must have praised you higher than you gave them credit for," he stated, reading the orders that Jean handed over to him wordlessly, his face blank with shock.

"This is...I can't..." he sputtered when Levi laid the papers on the desk, "Sir, I'm not prepared for this."

"The Commander seems to disagree," Levi said simply, "You have your orders, Kirschstien. How you carry them out is up to you."

"Sir..." Jean desperately grabbed the Captains arm because Levi had turned and was walking for the door. Jean jerked his hand back when he was shot a death glare and he twisted his hands together awkwardly, "I...I don't think I can do this. I'm being honest, sir, this is a big undertaking and..."

"And what better way to hone your skills than to jump into it?" Levi finished for him.

"But...you're asking me to practice my skills at the risk of my friends' lives," Jean said, a hint of panic in his voice.

"Not asking, Jean," Levi corrected him blandly, "Ordering you to."

Jean stared down at Levi in disbelief, anger boiling up in the pit of his stomach at the total lack of concern his superior officer was showing on his face, his fists clenched tightly and he clenched his jaw tight to avoid saying anything he would regret later. He knew there was no avoiding this, his orders were clear. So Jean Kirschstein went against his very nature, a nature of stubbornness and sarcasm and lack of respect for authority, and he clicked his heels together, stood up straight and saluted his Captain with his head held high.

"Understood, sir," he allowed a bit of venom to creep into that last word and he turned sharply on his heels and walked stiffly out of the room and back to the common room.

He was shocked to see Sasha, Armin, Whinny and Connie sitting at the large wooden table with slices of tomatoes and a steaming hot sweet potatoes sitting in front of them, they all four stood up when he entered the room and the gesture shocked him.

"Guys, please, there's no need for that," he suddenly felt like he'd give anything to be a fellow soldier with them again, when he had none of this new stress and these odd shows of respect from people he considered his equals, "Where did you get that from?"

The door to the outside opened and Jean whirled around, his face twisted in rage.

"Phillip, you get back out there and keep running!" he hollered, his voice had that same tone from earlier. But he immediately lost his anger and his face went red with embarrassment, because he was face to face with a young woman...a familiar one.

"Well...I'm not Phillip...and I'm not fond of running," she stated, her lips quirked up in a teasing smile, "Can I give you a peace offering instead?"

She was holding a huge basket in her hands and she held it up with a look of innocence.

"H...hello," Jean said nervously, "I'm sorry about that, I, uh, had a problem with one of my squad this morning and he's supposed to be running till he drops."

"Jean, right?" the lady asked, tilting her head slightly as if that would help her remember better, "You're the one from the meeting...you voted yes on our proposal."

"Yeah," Jean nodded, blushing even deeper, "It's a good plan."

"I heard they had accepted it and that a squad was coming to the old barracks here," the lady said happily, "All the villagers and farmers are charged with providing for your needs while you're stationed here. I brought food from my crops and several other farmers in the area."

"OH, BLESS YOUR SOUL!" Sasha squealed from the table where she had a tomato in one hand and her sweet potato in the other, her face covered in tomato juice. Jean sneered in disgust at her eating habits that he still wasn't used to.

"Sorry about her," Jean rolled his eyes and accepted the basket, eyed widening at how heavy it was. How had this girl carried this like it was nothing? "We are very thankful for your generosity...Miss...?"

"Sigrid," she reminded him, "And you're quite welcome. Thank you for taking your time to listen and take us seriously. I just wanted to bring you that when I heard the squad had arrived."

She looked around and waved at all the four soldiers at the table and at Levi who had entered the room at some point Jean hadn't bothered to notice, then she backed away and smiled at Jean especially.

"If there is anything any of you need, let me know," she offered happily, "My farm is north of town. Third on the left. I have to go, it's sweet potato harvest day!"

She turned to leave and then she cast a look over her shoulder to Jean, her eyes serious.

"You should take your comrade some water at least," she commented, "It's hot out there today and he can't keep running like that without water. Being a leader means having mercy as well of having power."

Jean stared after her in confusion, and a bit of interest. But she was right...just as he knew she'd been about the expansion. Sighing, he grabbed the empty tin cup and the plate of tomatoes and potato meant for Phillip when he returned and he headed out the door, stopping only to fill the cup at the pump before walking determinedly in the direction where Phillip was running his laps.

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 **Tada! There you all go!**

 **Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and shown interest in the story! I love reading how people are feeling towards my endeavours and I'm always interested in prompts and suggestions if you have any!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hmm...I feel like this story isn't going over too well. Not getting much feedback. Oh well...I guess I'll keep writing anyway if nothing else just to occupy my mind.**

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Jean made his way across the overgrown yard and leaned against the side of the stables as he waited for Phillip to come back around from his lap around the compound. As he waited, his mind wandered and he began to contemplate the job ahead of him and his Squad...he felt a twist in his gut from the fears he was having about heading up such an important task as a brand new officer.

 _Damn it. Why is Commander Erwin shoving all of this on me so quickly? And why is Captain Levi encouraging it? I'm...I'm not prepared for this at all. What if I fuck up and everyone dies on my orders?_

At that moment, Phillip came trotting around the corner of the stables and Jean's thoughts were cut short by the young soldier's sudden appearance. Phillip didn't even look winded even though Jean knew he'd run at least five times around the entire property, the boy's eyes shone with determination and a flash of indignation when he saw Jean approaching him.

"Phillip," Jean tried his best not to let his lack of respect for his Squad mate show in his voice. A leader had to look past the masks and attitudes and find the soldier inside. "Take a break for a minute. The villagers brought us breakfast."

Phillip came skidding to a stop and looked momentarily confused, but the vulnerable expression quickly went right back to the nonchalant, unconcerned look and he approached Jean with his normal loping swagger.

"I thought you said I had to run till I couldn't anymore?" Phillip said with a sneer that made Jean's fist clench around the handle of the cup of water he was holding out.

 _Must. Not. Punch. My. Squad. Members._

"I did," he finally managed to say through clenched teeth, "But I'm not a sadist. You need to drink some water at least so you don't kill yourself out here."

"If I died from this, it would be your fault, _sir."_

That last word was practically spat out and it made Jean twitch slightly from the venom in the tone, but the words struck a chord in his mind.

"You're right, Phillip," he said gently, almost like the way he spoke to Bushwald when the horse would get spooked or nervous.

"Oh, right, I don't...wait...what?" Phillip had started to snap back with a scathing reply but Jean's words finally registered in his mind and his anger faded to surprise.

"I said you're right," Jean reiterated firmly, "It would be my fault if I sent you to your death, be it by running till you drop or if it's into the jaws of a Titan, your blood would be on _my_ hands."

Phillip's jaw was twitching as he bit back what Jean assumed would be snarky comments aimed at his questionable leadership skills.

"That's why I'm having you do this, Phillip," Jean desperately tried to put his flailing thoughts into a somewhat intelligible sentence, "You have a really piss poor attitude about teamwork and you just...you haven't been out there yet, you haven't seen what it's like!"

Phillip's eyes had changed, his bored expression was gone and it was replaced with something else...was it interest? Jean didn't care at that moment, a thousand images were flooding his mind now in his desperation to make the point hit home for this stupid kid who knew nothing about what they were all about to face. He saw Marco's freckled face bitten in half, the rows of bodies laid out on the ground after the disastrous 57th recon mission, remembered the weight of the dead in his arms as he piled them high in the wagons, remembered the sight of their honored dead being tossed away like trash to lighten the loads as they fled for their lives, he saw comrade after comrade cut down around him as he led the way through the battered streets of his hometown...Phillip didn't, no, _couldn't_ understand the weight of this. Teamwork was all you had when you were facing the enemy, they were your only chance and your only lifeline when you feel your strength fading, when you think you can't possibly go on. Your team, your squad is _everything_ when it comes down to the wire.

"I know you think you're tough, you think you're big stuff because you graduated top of your class and you're a genius when it comes to ODM gear, but that's not enough anymore!" Jean continued, his filter completely gone now, "You're not training anymore, this is _real!_ Your life may be in my hands when it comes to giving you orders, but the lives of your teammates are in your hands as well and the way you act when the shit hits the fan will determine what happens to those lives. You can't be a one man army out there beyond that wall, you can't."

Phillip's face was shocked, but Jean didn't care.

"I can only lead you so far, don't you get that?" he asked, his voice beginning to waver from the amount of emotion flooding him, "I can give orders, I can lead you...but I can't force you to listen, I can't force you to work with your team. I can't make you trust me and I can't make you trust your comrades, that comes from experiencing near death and hardships together."

Jean took a deep breath, knowing he was damn well pouring out his insecurities and probably totally failing as a squad leader, and continued.

"But I want you to trust me. I want you to trust the team. Because your blood _is_ on my hands if you die. Our chances of survival increase if we depend on our team mates when we need to, our plans only succeed if we are all on the same page...and we need to succeed, Phillip. I don't want to send my team out there to face those monsters with a chink in our armor like you because Armin, Connie, Sasha and Whinny deserve the best chances they can get. And so do you."

Jean felt his strength drain exponentially as his tirade wound to a close and he suddenly the urge to flee the scene, but he remained standing with his head high and his shoulders squared in front of his squad mate who was now looking at him with wide eyes. They stood there, neither saying a word, suffocating under the heavy silence that was only broken by an occasional huff from the horses in the stable. Finally, Phillip broke the stare and his head turned slightly to his left, his eyes drifting to look at the ground.

"You do too, sir."

Jean wasn't quite sure he heard correctly but Phillip suddenly looked up and he knew he'd heard it right when he saw the expression in his young squad mate's eyes.

"Drink the water at least," Jean handed him the cup of water and plate of food, "Keep running, soldier. You've got a lot to learn."

Jean felt maybe, just maybe he'd made a breakthrough with his troublesome comrade and a small smile crept onto his lips as he walked back to the barracks. Whinny was easy, but Phillip was going to take a lot of work...but he remembered another young man who wasn't a team player, who was only looking out for himself, who also took a lot of work.

He saw a lot of Jean Kirschstein in Phillip Muller.

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Levi left around noon after he had assisted in the cleaning process for a while; Jean assumed the Captain actually _enjoyed_ cleaning if he was willing to stay and do it on his own time.

As he watched the Captain ride off in the direction of the Scout's HQ further inside the Wall, Jean felt the butterflies in his stomach start fluttering full force and he felt like he might be sick. He was in charge now, completely.

"You look like you're about to shit yourself," a giggly sounding voice sounded from beside him and he looked over in surprise to see Whinny leaning against the hitching post, her horse's bridal in her hands.

"I...just..." Jean blushed and stuttered as he tried to form words to respond to her off-hand comment.

"Oh, calm down, sir," Whinny laughed good naturedly, "I'm just teasing you. You have every right to be nervous in your situation."

"Gee, thanks, Whinny, your confidence in me is inspiring," Jean rolled his eyes, but he felt a little less terrified as he smiled at his constantly positive squad mate.

"I have every bit of confidence in you, sir," Whinny assured him quickly, her tone suddenly very serious, "We've all heard about Levi's Special Ops Squad and all of its successes. Phillip and I both know what you, Armin, Connie and Sasha are capable of."

"And what about you, Whinny?" Jean asked, truly interested and also looking for any excuse to chase off the worries of leadership from his mind, "What's your story?"

Whinny stood there looking at him in surprise but then her face broke out into a wide smile and she trotted over to stand next to him, taking a deep breath before she began speaking.

"Well, I come from Stohess District on Wall Sina. I've always had a really easy life with all the comforts anyone could ask for and two loving parents...I honestly have no complaints about my life before I joined the Cadets."

"Why would you join the Cadets if you're already part of the inner wall?" Jean asked incredulously, "And...why would you join the Scouts?"

"My plan was to join the MPs," Whinny assured him, "I started out with selfish intentions like nearly every other Cadet. But...things changed as I went through training and I began to see what life was like in the outer cities and the fact that they were once considered part of the interior not long ago. I began to see how quickly life could change and how my inner city life and the lives of my family could be just as easily ended as all those people from Shinganshina and Trost..."

Jean nodded. He knew exactly how that felt...he never imagined his hometown falling to the Titans. Thank God he'd been a part of preventing just that tragedy. He was lucky...his mother was alive. Jeager and Mikasa hadn't been so lucky.

"I started to listen more closely to the Cadets who were bound for the Scouts. I'd thought they were crazy when I first heard them and their talks of riding out to face the Titans head on and to take back Wall Maria...a bunch of glory hounds. But, as I began to listen with my family's life and Trost's plight on my mind, I began to see that they were right. Nothing was going to ever change if no one was willing to fight for it. Suddenly, during dinner one night, I made my choice to join the Scouts and fight instead of running to the interior with the MPs. I just couldn't stand back anymore after that feeling wormed it's way inside...I couldn't run and hide like a coward."

"I know exactly what you mean," Jean agreed softly, "After seeing what they can do or after realizing we aren't safe inside these walls...something changes inside."

"So...here I am," Whinny finished with a sigh, and for the first time Jean saw beneath her happy-go-lucky front and caught a glimpse of the terrified young woman underneath.

"Here you are," Jean repeated, "Ready to stand up and do whatever it takes."

"Ready to fight by your side, sir."

And, with that, Whinny turned and marched off to the stables to return the halter in her hands. Jean watched her go with a slight smile, thinking maybe with people like Whinny on their side, humanity stood a chance.

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 **Short and sweet, I thought I needed to expand a little bit on Whinny and get Phillip headed in the right direction. More team building to come before the action begins!**

 **Reviews are amazing, peoples so please leave them if you are enjoying this at all because it's always good to know what people are thinking.**

 **We fanfic writers live on reviews!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's is more :D**

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Jean groaned and rolled onto his stomach as the dawn light shone through his window directly into his tired eyes, he buried his face in his pillow and let out a loud moan. Good grief, he would give _anything_ to be able to sleep in just a little bit longer at least. But he had to be up and about and ready to lay out the day's plans to his Squad so that meant as they were dragging their tired asses into the kitchen for breakfast, he had to be bright eyed and bushy tailed long before they arrived.

So he wearily pulled on his uniform and ODM straps and headed out to start the day. As he opened the door, a strong smell of toast hit his nose and he panicked for a minute and thought maybe it was later than it looked. He headed for the kitchen and found Whinny standing by the stove, carefully turning slices of bread in the hot pan, behind her in a bowl on the table was a pile of scrambled eggs mixed with diced green pepper.

"Good morning, sir!" she said without even turning around, her voice was cheery and clear which told Jean she'd been away already for a while. She glanced over her shoulder and gave him her regular charming grin. "One of the villagers came by today and brought us a bunch of eggs and some peppers. He also left us several laying hens in our henhouse...who knew we had a chicken coop, right? But we do! It's to the left of the stable near the broken water pump."

"I...didn't even know there was a broken water pump," Jean admitted, he really hadn't had much of a chance to explore the place at all yet, "Why are you awake already?"

"I've always been an early riser," Whinny said easily, "I wake up before the sun nearly every day and there's no point in trying to go back to sleep if you're not tired. I figured I could make breakfast for the squad."

"I SMELL EGGS!" Sasha's voice echoed through the entire building and Jean winced at the shrillness of it. A second later, the brunette came flying into the kitchen with Connie hot on her heels...maybe too hot on her heels. Jean eyed the pair closely and thought something looked a little bit off kilter about them. Finally he realized why, they were wearing eachothers' jackets. Sasha's jacket was a bit tight and the arms were a bit too long for Connie and Connie's jacket was just a bit loose on Sasha's thin frame and the sleeves were a bit too short.

"Oh my god..." Jean grumbled to himself and shook his head. He was fairly certain the two of them had come from the same room as well. He wasn't really surprised by the revelation, but he wasn't sure what the rules were about sexual inter-squad relationships and it was not an issue he felt like dealing with today. So he let it slide for now.

"Good morning, Jean!" Connie greeted happily, too happily. The grin on his face was all the confirmation Jean needed, it was the grin of a boy who'd just become a man.

"Good morning, Connie," Jean said with a wry smile, he glanced to see if Sasha was watching but she was still squealing about Whinny's toast making skills so Jean draped his arm around Connie and pulled him close so he could whisper to him, "You might want to swap jackets before the rest of the Squad sees what I'm seeing."

Connie's face turned beet red and he immediately grabbed Sasha's elbow and pulled her into the hallway to swap their jackets. Jean let out a sniff of a laugh as he took his seat at the kitchen table.

When Connie and Sasha joined him, they both gave him nervous looks and Sasha suddenly let out a loud sniffling, sob that made Jean cock his head in confusion.

"Hey, what's wrong with you, Sasha?" he asked quickly.

Connie patted his girl on the shoulder and gave Jean a sad look as well.

"Are we in trouble, Jean?" he asked what Sasha was apparently to scared to ask, "I mean...you're our Squad leader now so you have to uphold the rules, we get it, but c'mon, man."

Jean just stared at them incredulously for a long moment before he let a wide grin spread across his face.

"Connie, who my squad members decide to screw around with is really up to them," he assured them, but immediately regretted it when Phillip, who had just stepped into the doorway, stopped dead in his tracks which caused Armin to collide with his back and send them both sprawling into the kitchen.

"Ow, Phillip, why'd you just stop walking?!" Armin whined a bit as he stood up, but he held his hand to help his comrade up and Jean was a little surprised when Phillip took the offered hand without even a scowl.

"Sorry," Phillip muttered, "Just...wasn't expecting what I just heard."

"What did you hear?" Armin's curiosity was piqued and he eagerly looked around the room for the answer but he didn't seem to find anything worth gossiping about his face became confused.

"For real, what did I miss?" Whinny asked from the stove where she had halted her toast buttering to take part in the sudden chaos.

"Maybe you're not such a tight-ass after all," Phillip said boldly as he plopped down in the chair at the opposite end of the table as Jean, his eyes held a challenge in them but Jean was glad to see something other than boredom.

"You feel like running again?" Jean threatened, but his tone was teasing.

"What's going on!?" Armin was getting frustrated at being out of the loop and so was Whinny.

"I swear I won't cook another bite of food if someone doesn't spill the beans!" she threatened, reaching slowly for the lid to smother the cooking flame.

That did it. Sasha's eyes got huge and she jumped up from her seat and waved her arms desperately for Whinny to stop.

"CONNIE AND I HAD SEX, OK!?" she screamed loudly, "We're dating! Connie and I are a couple! I love his adorable buzzed head and I took his virginity last night!"

A stunned silence fell like a tidal wave in the wake of Sasha's outburst and there was not a single un-widened eye or un-dropped jaw, all eyes turned to Connie who looked like he wanted to slide under the table and hide, he looked completely mortified and Jean felt really bad for him so he did the only thing he could think of.

"I always knew you had it in you, Springer!" he said, a lecherous grin spread across his face and he nudged his Squad mate's shoulder with his elbow, "Way to go, kid!"

Connie's confidence seemed to grow a bit and he managed to remain in his seat instead of running...but his face remained red as a tomato and perfectly matched Sasha's as she slowly lowered herself back into her seat and focused her eyes on a knot in the wood of the table.

"Well..." Whinny turned back to her cooking, "At least someone around here is getting some."

The tension broke, immediately and the entire table burst into laughter, even Phillip smiled and let out a quiet chuckle.

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After breakfast, they all retrieved their ODM gear and honored Jean's order from the previous day to perform maintenance checks on it every day.

"We should probably not do this in the kitchen," Armin stated as he wrinkled his nose, the smell of the oil they were using to lube the moving parts was thick in the air and it was very unpleasant, "This stuff smells horrible."

"Yeah, we'll do it on the porch tomorrow," Jean acknowledged, wishing he'd thought of that before. Too late now since they were already done. "Alright, guys, we need to talk about why we're here."

At those words, everyone lined their ODM gear against the wall and Jean lead the way outside, leaning back against the porch railing while everyone found a seat or a place to lean as well.

"Before Captain Levi left the other day, he gave me orders from Commander Erwin," Jean informed them, his voice shaking slightly as he pulled the papers out of the breast pocket of his jacket and began to read. "In light of the current plan to expand the farming land into the lost land within Wall Maria, military support will be needed to assure the relative safety of the builders. Squad 78, led by Jean Kirschstein, will be heading up the organization of the defense of the workers. All Squad Leaders and their subordinates are to report to Squad Leader Kirschstein in Elford Village for his orders on the defensive strategy."

Whinny's hand shot to her mouth about half way through the reading and Sasha looked ready to throw up her breakfast, Phillip's eyebrow was cocked in a look of questioning surprise, Armin looked like he was thinking deeply and Connie just sat there with his mouth hanging open.

"So...there it is," Jean sighed, "We're in charge of the defense of the new Walls as they're built."

"You mean YOU'RE in charge," Phillip corrected him bitterly, "I'll follow orders but I never signed on to be given such a heavy responsibility like this."

"I'm in charge as far as giving the orders to the other squads, but we're all in this together and we need to focus on forming a plan and learning to work as a unit," Jean swiftly stifled the negative statement from his Squad mate, "By the time we're done training together, I want this team to be like a well oiled machine."

"But we aren't machines!" Phillip snapped, "We're human, we're individuals...we're not expendable pawns!"

Jean looked at Phillip incredulously for a moment before he reached out and grabbed him by the front of his shirt and growled loudly as he yanked the young man almost off his feet, his fist twisted tightly in the shirt's material.

"Is that what you think I treat you like?!" he yelled loudly, making Phillip wince slightly at the volume level, "Is that how you think I'll lead you?"

"In my experience," Phillip wheezed, unable to breathe well but still as stubborn as ever, "That's exactly what it means to lead! You have a goal to achieve and the amount of lives it takes to achieve it be damned! Or have you forgotten about how they let that female titan run amok in Stohess? Civilian lives meant nothing but collateral damage!"

Jean's anger faltered for a moment. He remembered the anger he himself had felt over that situation and the rage when Annie encased herself in crystal...so much death for nothing, really. He let go of Phillip and sighed as he stepped back.

"The only life I am alright with sacrificing is my own," he assured his comrade, "I know you might not believe me, but it's true. If I could prevent the loss of human life, I would...but sometimes that's just not possible. But I _can_ tell you I would never send someone purposely to their death."

"Phillip," Armin spoke up, "You don't know Jean very well yet, but I can promise you he means what he says. I've personally seen him put his own life in danger for the mere sake of giving others a chance to live, just a _chance_. If you can't trust him, then you need to go...because we trust him and you'll only drag us down."

Phillip remained silent and Sasha pushed away from the wall where she was leaning to fix him in a glare.

"I can tell you something else too," she said sternly, "Every death Jean has witnessed or been a part of has had a big effect on him. He never takes death lightly! He led a group of us to safety through the City of Trost when it fell, taking the reins because everyone else was too scared to even move...when he arrived at the safe point, the first thing he was worried about was how many people had been lost on the way. He lost his best friend the very next day...and since that day he hasn't been the same person he was. He used to be like you, angry and proud and out for his own skin and no one else's. He's a leader, trusted by Levi and Erwin, because of the way he changed and who he's become!"

"Yeah, kid, don't you ever accuse him of not giving a shit!" Connie added his two cents.

Whinny just stood there looking unhappy about the turn of events, scuffing the porch with the toe of her boot.

"Alright, guys, calm down," Jean squeezed the bridge of his nose tightly between his thumb and forefinger, "Thanks for the confidence but stop it. I'm not some brilliant minded leader, I'm just doing my best here."

"That's all we should be asking for," Whinny said quietly, glancing sideways at Phillip, "Phillip and I have never been outside the Walls...so we haven't seen what it's like. But I know that, sometimes, tough calls have to be made and I'm prepared to lose my life if it means saving many others. Are you, Phillip? Isn't that what we knew we were getting into when we joined the Scouts? If you aren't willing to die then why did you choose this regiment?"

Everyone looked to Phillip, eager for his answer, but the boy just let out an annoyed huff and vaulted over the porch railing, heading for the stables at his usual loping pace.

Obviously, he didn't want to talk about it.

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 **There was supposed to be more to this, but I am developing a very serious headache so I'm going to go lay down with an icepack and some Ibuprofen and try not to die in agony.**

 **Reviews might make me feel better *wink wink* *nudge nudge***


	7. Chapter 7

**Going into my 60th hour of work in a row, three solid days...yoo hoo...and I am broken...pulled my back out lifting a super fat person into my ambulance...god, this week has sucked ass.**

 **Anyway, Jean and the gang make everything bearable.**

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Sigrid walked back to her farm slowly and thoughtfully after her visit to the village barracks, she couldn't seem to shake the smile on her face. She'd succeeded in getting the plan to go through and this young man, Jean, had helped her and the other villagers' dream come into reality! When she'd brought her contribution of food the previous day, she had been surprised and utterly delighted to see his familiar face...it was a handsome face too.

"Sigrid, did they like the food?" Kasia greeted Sigrid came through the gate of their farm, the dark girl was washing sweet potatoes in the yard with a bored look on her face.

"They were pretty excited about it," Sigrid informed her friend, "Especially this one girl named Sasha...it was like I gave her a basket of gold."

Kasia laughed, but Sigrid realized how half-hearted and forced it sounded and she scrunched her brow in concern and sat next to her friend on the log to help her with her chore.

"Kasia, you've been really quiet lately," she commented after a reasonable amount of time had passed, "Is something wrong?"

"It's not really something I'm ready to talk about, Sig," Kasia replied quickly, sharply.

Sigrid, feeling out in her place, bit her bottom lip and dropped another clean potato in the basket next to them. Her friend was not usually like this, and it made her very worried. Kasia had always been bright and open and positive, full of light and energy.

"Oh, for crying out loud, don't look so much like a kicked puppy!" Kasia sighed and threw a potato into the basket forcefully, causing several other potatoes to get knocked out, "Seriously, Sigrid, I'm just so tired of this stupid farm, these stupid fields and all this digging in the dirt. You know I...I never wanted to do this!"

Sigrid looked up at her friend in surprise, but her eyes softened in understanding. Of course...the excitement of the wall expansion must have ignited the old desire to go into the military. Kasia had always dreamed of joining the Cadets and then the Garrison, but when Sigrid's parents had died and she inherited the farm, Kasia had remained behind the other kids who left for the Cadets that year to help make sure Sigrid had enough help to make it through the harvest...and she had never left.

"Kasia..." she whispered sadly, laying her hand on her friend's knee in a an attempt to convey some sort of comfort.

"I'm...I'm sorry, Sigrid...I just feel like I'm wasting my life away here," Kasia's leg was quivering under Sigrid's hand from the level of her emotional anguish, "I can't do it anymore. I...I applied to the Cadets and I'm leaving next month."

Sigrid felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach.

"Wh..why didn't you tell me earlier?" she asked in a voice barely above a whisper, feeling slightly betrayed by the sudden admission.

"I just wanted to stay long enough to finish this harvest," Kasia said unhappily, "I was afraid to tell you."

Sigrid saw a single tear drop from her friend's eyelashes and slide down her cheek, anger faded to understanding and sympathy at her situation.

"I'm sorry, Sig," Kasia whispered, her voice too strained by emotion to speak any louder, "I...I just can't stay here...I have to go. I have to. You don't understand, you love the farm, it's your home and your dream...but it's not my dream, it never has been. Now that you can handle it on your own...I have to do what's best for myself now."

And Sigrid did understand. This farm, feeding the people in their village, providing provisions for the military...this was how she made a difference, how she contributed to the cause, how she found her peace. Kasia was different. Kasia's fiery spirit didn't allow her to remain still for long...she was born to be out there swinging around on ODM gear, slicing through flesh with her swords, standing tall and strong against the enemy.

"I understand, Kas," Sigrid finally stated, honestly, her voice shaking slightly, "I really do. I can't expect you to give up your dreams for me, and I would never be able to give up my dream either. We were always so different, you and I."

"But it made us stronger," Kasia commented quietly, "You kept me grounded when I just wanted to run off and make rash decisions and I kept you from becoming a total hermit."

Despite herself and this painful situation, Sigrid laughed gently.

"I don't know what I'll do without you, Kasia," she admitted, "But...I am happy for you. You'll make an excellent soldier, I know you will."

Kasia smiled, her perfectly white teeth a striking contrast to her dark face, and pulled Sigrid into a hug that was so tight it almost hurt...almost.

"I'll come and see you every break we get," she promised solemnly, "And every furlough. Who knows, maybe I'll be stationed nearby and get to visit a lot."

Sigrid tried so hard to keep herself composed, but the more she thought about it and the more she thought about the loneliness of the farm without Kasia at her side, the more it hurt. Despite all her efforts, she burst into tears and began to sob into her friend's chest as she held her tight.

"It's not for a month, Sig," Kasia tried to console her, but there was a pain in her own voice she couldn't hide and it only made the whole situation worse, "I promise, everything is going to be ok."

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Whinny quietly entered the stables, scanning the line of stalls for Phillip. She found him sitting sullenly on a hay bale, his head in his hands and his shoulders hunched, eyes screwed tightly shut as if trying to force some painful vision out of his mind.

"Phillip?" Whinny nervously addressed him, alerting him to her presence so he couldn't accuse her of spying if he happened to look up and see her there. His head jerked up and his eyes snapped open to fix her in a glare that could kill, his blue eyes flashing and his lips pulling back to bare his teeth.

"What the hell do _you_ want?" he growled, but Whinny saw a tear glinting in the dim light of the stables and she realized he'd been crying, "Come to give me another lecture on duty and responsibility? Come to tell me not to disrespect that horse-faced squad leader of ours? Think you can convince me to try and fit in with this band of misfits?"

Whinny's left eye twitched as she recoiled slightly from the venomous tone of her squad mate, but she stood her ground and scuffed the dirt floor with the toe of her boot.

"No," she replied honestly, knowing full well there was no forcing someone to do these things if they didn't want to in the first place, "I just...wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm just fucking fine, thanks," Phillip muttered, looking away from her towards the small window on his other side.

Whinny shifted her weight from foot to foot for a moment, but then she took a deep breath and carefully planned out her next words.

"You have something against the military, don't you?"

Phillip snorted out a wry laugh that lacked any kind of amusement.

"You could say that." At least he'd answered and not fallen back into his silent moping state.

Carefully, slowly, Whinny pulled another haybale up to sit across from him, crossing her ankles and remaining silent for a long time, the two of them just avoiding looking at eachother. The tension in the room was heavy, but Whinny could see Phillip cracking under it. She crossed her arms and leaned back a bit... _Cue the word vomit in...3...2...1..._

"He's a fool and so are the other three," Phillip's voice was low and had a slight tremble to it, "Listening to them and their ignorant glory dreams, going on about trusting your officers and being willing to follow their every order even if it means dying on those orders...what a load of bullshit! To the big wigs at the top, we're just Titan food, like human sacrifices to a non-existent god! That stupid asshole talks about Captain Levi and Commander Erwin like they're some heroic duo standing up for the good of the world...but they aren't! They're a pair of unfeeling monster with endless amounts of blood on their hands! It's their fault, it's all their fault! My...dad...my mom...my sister..."

He broke off and bit his bottom lip with so much force that Whinny swore he would bite right through it! But he had revealed the beginning of the truth, of why he was so broken, so unhappy, so...angry.

"What happened to them?" she asked softly, not wanting to press him but, at the same time, knowing that he had kept this hidden for so long that he had to let it out before it consumed him; it was already well on its way to doing so.

"My..." Phillip's voice broke and he took a deep, steadying breath, "My mom was a merchant, she traveled on a route between Karanese and Stohess selling her wares in the two districts and the towns in between. She was in Stohess that day and my sister had gone along with her to start learning the family trade. My dad was in the Military Police, stationed in Stohess."

Whinny saw where this was going and she swallowed thickly.

"It was the day Erwin Smith and Captain Levi planned the capture of the Female Titan," Phillip continue grimly, "My dad was killed when she used the building he was standing to slow down, she smashed him right into the building without any hesitation. My mom and sister were crushed by a chunk of stone, part of one of the buildings."

"Oh, Phillip..."

"I was an orphan then, in a split second, my entire family was gone. All because Erwin Smith decided collateral damage was worth the risk...that capturing that girl was _worth_ the lives it cost to do it. I was informed by the Military Police a few days later and, since I was of age to join the Cadets, I was shipped off to start training instead of being placed in an orphanage. So I trained and trained hard, trying to get in the top ten so I could join the MPs like my father...but even for all my skill and being best in our class at ODM gear use, I didn't make it in the Top Ten."

"So...why didn't you join the Garrison?" Whinny asked gently.

Phillip fell silent for a long moment, his eye focused on the floor by his feet.

"Because...I figured I would die sooner if I joined the Scouts."

"Oh, Phillip..."

"Don't 'Oh, Phillip' me, ok, Whinny?" the boy sounded defeated and Whinny realized now that his nonchalant attitude, his blank expression, his lack of respect...it was because he already considered himself a dead man.

They sat in silence for a long time and Whinny didn't know what to do, so she simply reached out and placed her hand on top his his where it rested on his knee, leaning forward and tilting her head in an attempt to meet his eyes under his shaggy hair.

"I understand," she whispered.

It must have been the right thing to say because she felt him tremble slightly before a tear slid off the end of his nose and landed on the back of her hand, but he didn't push her away and he didn't speak again. They sat there in silence, not quite friends but no longer strangers, a bond forming in the vulnerability of the moment.

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 **I wanted to take this chapter and expand on the OCs so I can set up their parts to play.**

 **I hope you like them enough to have enjoyed this chapter :) (I, for one, really am in love with these OCs already and I just thought them up!)**

 **Reviews rock my face off :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm at work and I feel like writing some more about my Jean-boy because...well because he is a precious cinnamon roll and I love him.**

 **WARNING: This chapter contains spoilers for the manga if you haven't read very far yet.**

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Jean paced back and forth in his office, his hands were stuck deep in his hair and he gripped it so tightly that it actually hurt; he was chewing his lips hard enough to draw a little blood in a few spots.

Phillip Mueller was a major obstacle on his road to achieving respect and higher rank, and nothing he tried seemed to have any effect on the boy! Fresh out of the Cadets, Phillip hadn't even seen a real Titan so why was he so disillusioned already with the whole thing?

A knock on the door sounded and Jean released his hair and cleared his throat.

"Yes? Come in."

The door creaked open and the carrot colored head of Whinny appeared around the edge of it and Jean felt a tiny flare of hope. She had disappeared for a while after the confrontation with Phillip and Armin reported seeing her heading for the stables, presumably to speak to Phillip.

"Sir, I'd like to speak with you, if I may?" she said softly, her voice sounded oddly defeated and very unlike her.

"Of course," Jean waved her in and she approached him sullenly, her hazel eyes void of the spark he was so used to seeing there, and stood in front of him with a halfhearted salute over her heart. "Whinny, what is it?"

"I...I need to report something about Phillip," her answer was soft and very pained, "I don't want to betray what he told me in confidence so please don't think I'm a gossip, sir. However...this has the potential to put our entire squad in very real danger and I can't let that happen."

Jean nodded in understanding, remaining quiet as he waited for her to speak again. Whinny took a deep, shuddering breath and tears began to form on her eyelashes as she raised her head to look him in the eye and stand straight.

"Sir, Phillip told me in confidence that he joined the Scouts because he didn't qualify for the MPs...and that he chose the Scouts over the Garrison because he believed he would die sooner here than on the Wall. Sir...he wants to die."

Jean's arms, which he'd crossed across his chest only moments ago, dropped limply to his sides and he stared at his subordinate in utter shock.

"He...what?!" he shrieked, immediately he blushed and shuffled around a bit to regain his composure, "Whinny, what do you mean he _wants_ to die?"

"He claims he has nothing to live for," Whinny replied sadly, "I...I'm not at liberty to explain the details, sir. I think...I think those are up to him to tell you if he chooses. I just thought you should know."

"Thank you, Whinny," Jean stepped forward and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, trying his best to show her she'd made the right choice in telling him, "You're right, this could affect the entire team and it was the right decision to come to me with this information. This team needs to come together and soon...we start working on the Wall soon and we all need to be on the same page, yeah?"

"Right," Whinny agreed with a nod, "I just want you to know, I'm with you and the others all the way. I trust you."

"Four out of five isn't bad," Jean managed a dry crack and he was glad to see that it worked well enough to make Whinny's eyes lose that dullness. "Whinny where is Phillip now?"

"He's still in the stables. He was brushing down his horse when I left him."

Jean nodded and excused himself from the room as he went in search of Armin. He'd chosen Armin especially for his insight and intelligence and strategic mastery...perhaps he would have an idea what to do to snap Phillip out of his suicidal mindset.

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A while later, Jean found himself walking towards the stables to face the young man inside. He wasn't going to address the issue right now, Armin had thought that the best way to get Phillip's head in the fight was to have him jump right into the work at hand...and to see the front line.

"Phillip?" Jean called in a commanding tone as he entered the building, a few horses nickered a welcome but Phillip just gave him and angry glare from where he stood at the door of his horse's stall. Jean approached him calmly and with authority, he had to be firm and he had to show him he would not be intimidate by a freshly graduated soldier under his command. He saluted Phillip and the boy returned it halfheartedly...or no heartedly.

"Yes, sir?" he drawled lazily.

"Phillip, I want you to join Armin, Connie and I on a ride to the Karanese gate," Jean ordered, "That's not a request, you _will_ come. We're going to meet with the city's mayor and get a good look at the area near the Wall to start planning expansion."

"Whatever you say goes, sir." The words sounded flat and meaningless in Jean's ears and he could think of nothing more to say so he nodded firmly and turned to leave.

It hadn't been a disaster, but the interaction wasn't what Jean would consider a success either. How was he supposed to trust someone like Phillip? He couldn't...right? An attitude like that could kill his entire squad if Phillip decided to give up and let himself become Titan food, it would throw them all off to see a team member, ANY team member, get devoured in front of them. He could just picture Whinny losing control and sobbing and getting snatched out of the air as she lost control after watching it happen...no, he would not let that happen to anyone in his squad. Including Phillip if he could help it.

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After a few protests from the girls at being left behind to tend to chores alone while the guys all got to go to Karanese and several insistent denials on being a sexist from Jean, the four boys of the squad were mounted up and heading out towards the city.

"We'll hold down the fort, don't worry about us," Whinny assured them as they trotted towards the road.

"Please stay safe!" Sasha called out looking somewhat stressed, Connie gave her a reassuring grin and a thumbs up .

They rode in silence for a ways, all of them wrapped up in their own thoughts. Armin was the first to speak after several miles.

"How long will we be staying in Karanese, Jean?"

Jean twitched slightly, surprised at suddenly being addressed and he looked over at Armin with a blank expression for a moment before shaking his head and coming back to the real world...to be honest, he had been half asleep on his horse.

"Uh, well not more than three days, I'd say," Jean informed his tactician, "We have to meet the mayor and get approval to use the Karanese gate at the starting point, which shouldn't be too hard since Erwin has already brought the plan to the attention of the majority of the government."

"Too bad Trost's gate is permanently sealed," Connie commented, "I bet they would give the approval easier than Karanese."

"You're from Karanese, right, Phillip?" Armin attempted to bring their silent and brooding squad mate into the conversation, "Do you think it's a good place to start the expansion from?"

"Good as any." was all Phillip offered before he kicked his horse and rode ahead of the group to avoid further interaction.

Jean stared at his comrade's back, thinking hard and coming up with no answers...if someone has given up on life it has to be up to them to decide if they want to change or not. But hadn't Armin once felt the same way when he thought Eren had died? Hadn't he himself accepted his impending death during the battle for Trost when they were trapped on the roof tops low on gas and miles from HQ? What was it that had snapped them all out of it? It had been people.

But who would Phillip be willing to change his mind for? It didn't seem like it could be anyone in this Squad.

Phillip looked over his shoulder suddenly, catching Jean's stare and returning it with a glare.

"You can stop pitying me," he hissed, "I know Whinny told you everything we talked about."

Connie and Armin exchanged a look and, nodding to Jean, they galloped ahead a way to leave their leader and his problematic subordinate to talk alone. Jean sighed, not looking forward to the confrontation, and brought his horse alongside Phillip's. He didn't speak for a moment, he took the time to gather his thoughts and talk down the anger threatening to spill out of his mouth.

"I don't pity you," he began slowly, getting exactly the scowl he'd expected from his comrade at his harsh statement, "I am sorry that whatever happened to you caused you to be so angry and self-destructive, but I don't pity you. If I pitied everyone in this world who had a tragic occurrence in their lives then I'd be in a constant state of apology that help no one and achieves nothing."

Phillip's lips pulled back in a snarl.

"You're a cold hearted son of a bitch, all of you guys in charge are!" he growled.

"Maybe you're right," Jean shrugged, not in the mood for standing up for anyone at the moment, he just wanted the facts to get put out there, "Maybe this job and all this responsibility and all these tough calls the ones in charge have to make _do_ turn them cold. Maybe you have to be sort of cold to properly do the jobs required of you in this life. But...I don't believe that. I don't think, for one second, that being decisive and being cold are the same thing."

"It is when your decision results in massive collateral damage!" Phillip snapped.

"A good friend of mine said this to me once," Jean said quietly, his eyes fixed on the Scouting Regiment symbol on the back of Armin's cloak, "To rise above monsters we have to abandon our humanity. If you can't let something go, it's not worth holding on to."

"Sounds like he was stark raving mad to me," Phillip muttered, "If humans can't be better than what we're fighting against then what's the point?"

"I used to think the same thing," Jean admitted, "I wanted to be better than my enemies, be above reproach and I always swore I'd never take a human life...but I couldn't hold on to those ideas and stay alive. You know all about The Levi Squad, you said, so you know what all we had to do during the uprising. I killed people. I cut a man's head nearly clean off. I killed several people who probably were only following the orders of their higher ups."

"That's different than killing civilians," Phillip insisted hotly.

"No, it's not," Jean said quietly, "Taking someone's life is never easy and it's never better or worse. It's always hard and you never forget it...I know I never will. My point is...sometimes you can't prevent it and you have to choose between two horrible situations. Should I have refused to kill and put my comrades and the entire population at risk or do I follow my orders and do my best, do all I can do, to make sure that I make a difference? We can't change anything, we can't win a fight, if we aren't willing to take risks and make sacrifices...even if it means our own life or the lives of others. The focus always has to be on the bigger picture."

"So the lives of my parents and my sister were expendable as long as the rest of humanity survive?" Phillip's voice was tense and grim and Jean knew this answer would either make or break this conversation, this attempt at understanding.

"Yes."

Phillip remained eerily silent and still, his eyes fixed on his horse's mane, blank and empty. Finally, he raised his head and kicked his horse to move ahead and away from Jean and his words. Armin, upon seeing Phillip had joined him and Connie, fell back beside his Squad Leader to confer about the talk.

"Jean have some choice words for you about your outburst earlier?" Connie asked softly, attempting to connect with his sullen comrade.

"You could say that," Phillip muttered, "How do you stand him? Oh, wait, I forgot...you're one of them too."

"Them?" Connie looked surprised and cocked his head.

"Yeah, one of Erwin's little puppets."

Connie's eyebrows furrowed closely together and he gave his comrade an annoyed glare.

"I'm no one's puppet, man," he said firmly, "I follow orders because I'm a soldier and it's what soldiers are supposed to do. I may not always agree with the decision, but I know that I can trust my officers to do their best. It's not easy being the one in control of so many lives, you know."

Phillip grunted noncommittally.

"I mean, come on man, what would you do in a situation like Erwin was faced with?" Connie asked seriously, "Do you know what even led up to the situation in Stohess?"

"Does it matter?"

Connie looked incredulous and he nodded with his jaw hanging open.

"It means everything."

As the pair rode along, Connie explained the events of the 57th Recon Mission when the Female Titan had first appeared, he explained the loss of the entire right wing, the loss of the rear guard as they protected the original Levi Squad in their goal to lead the Titan into a trap to capture her, the dozens of men and women who had died trying to stop her, and the deaths of the most elite team of fighters in the entire Scout Regiment...none of which had been able to stop her, most not even able to inconvenience her.

"She was...terrifying," Connie recalled, "She couldn't be stopped no matter what we tried, we were helpless. The only choice we had was to try and catch her in her human form and detain her...but she shifted before she could be stopped. The intention was never to lose any lives in Stohess, but there was always a risk of something going wrong and it was a chance Erwin had to take because if she escaped this time, she would never be caught again. It was all or nothing."

The story seemed to have had an effect of Phillip who was now holding his reigns with shaking hands, his head bowed and his eyes squeezed shut.

"But...capturing her didn't do anyone any good, right?" he whispered desperately, "I heard she encased herself in a crystal and there was no information gained."

"They may not have been able to discover why she did what she did," Connie agreed, "And we still don't know, but we no longer have to worry about her killing anyone else. Look, man, Erwin isn't a monster like you think...he hated to have to make that choice and I know that every choice he makes haunts him when he see the deaths those choices cause...but he has to focus on the positive results instead because, in the end, those calls he made are going to have an impact on the entire world."

"It sure had an impact on my world," Phillip's voice sounded strained and Connie looked at him with understanding.

"You lost your family in Stohess, right?" he asked gently and Phillip nodded, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye, "I...I lost my family too."

Phillip looked up and met Connie's eyes with a look of surprise.

"You did?"

"Yes," Connie's voice was quiet as he relived the memories of finding his village destroyed, "My whole family was dead and gone by the time I got there. Except...except for my mom...she's...still alive."

"So you didn't lose everyone," Phillip commented dryly.

"Not...in that sense. She's not dead...but..."

Phillip waited for Connie to gather his composure with a look of slight concern, wondering what it was about his mom that was causing such a sudden loss of speech.

"She's a titan."

"What!?" Phillip almost yanked his horse to a stop in surprise at the confession, "What do you mean? Like Eren Jeager? Like the Colossal?"

"No...like any of the normal ones wandering around out there," Connie explained, "She...transformed somehow...no one knows how yet. Hanji Zoe has thought for a long time that the Titans may have been humans once upon a time and...this confirmed it. We arrived in my village and there was a Titan laying in the rubble of my old home and I knew it looked a lot like a nightmarish version of my mom but I figured it was the shock playing tricks on me...but...it spoke to me..."

"Spoke?!" Phillip looked ready to pass out or puke or both.

"Yeah, it said _"Welcome home"_ and that's when I knew it wasn't a horrible coincidence...that was my mom and she recognized me," Connie's voice was trembling at this point and he clutched his reigns tightly, "Hanji ordered the soldiers not to kill her and...she has my mother contained and is running experiments on her to try and figure out if there is a way to reverse the transformation."

"Reverse it?" Phillip was clearly horrified, "So Titan are humans who like...mutated? We're trained to kill them?!"

"Yes. They are a threat still even if they are or were humans," Connie spoke firmly, "We can't avoid killing them if we have to because we have to survive. Hanji is doing her best but, until she or someone, figures it out, all we can do is carry on and try to keep the human race alive."

"I'm...sorry about your mom," Phillip said quietly, "I...I don't know how you can be so calm about it."

"What else can I do?" Connie sighed heavily, "I shed my share of tears over it and had my broken moments but...all I can do now is keep fighting. Phillip, that's all any of us can do until the days we die...that's what life is these days, a battle. It's not easy to keep fighting, it take a lot of strength and courage. I just hope that what I do today and every day that I have left, is give the future lives of this world a better chance at finding the truth."

Phillip was silent but he nodded slowly.

"Your family didn't die for nothing," Connie said quietly, looking ahead towards the looming gate of Karanese that was fast approaching, "And I know for a fact they would be ashamed of you if you just gave up."

Without another word, the short soldier fell back to rejoin the other two and left Phillip to think about his words. Phillip silently continued to ride ahead, his mind filled with so much confliction and new information that he felt dizzy.

He knew the time was coming where he would have to choose...fight or give in. He thought he had already decided when he failed to reach the top ten, but now he felt a nagging doubt in the back of his mind. Was it the right choice?

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 **I hope this reads out better than I had in my head, it's kind of an important transition.**

 **Anyway, I decided that my previous statements about Bertholdt and Reiner not being known at the Colossal and Armored were bullshit because I have finished the manga up to where it currently available and I like how the story is going so I decided to write as if this is after all the events we know of right now.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Figured it was about time to get another chapter out on this story :) Been working on prompts so much lately!**

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They reached Karanese not long after Connie's discussion with Phillip and Jean was relieved to see the town, a good excuse to get his mind off his suicidal squad mate and focus on the political ass kissing he was about to engage in. Wait...was he really more at ease with sucking up to the Karanese leaders than conversing with his squad? What kind of a leader was he? Damn!

"Jean, are you ok?" Armin's voice was concerned, "You look like you're going to strangle someone."

"I'm just...not looking forward to any of this, Armin," Jean grumbled, "I mean, you know how much I hate begging to the higher-ups for _anything._ "

"It shouldn't take too much begging," Armin replied easily, "Besides, you know I'm willing to speak for you. I am your tactician, right?"

"Right," Jean nodded in agreement, "God, Armin, I'm so glad you chose my squad. I honestly don't know what I would do without you."

"Enough of the mushy crap," Phillip's voice made Jean look behind him at the young soldier. Phillip nodded to their right, his shaggy hair flopping from the movement. "We've got company."

Sure enough, a group of Garrison soldiers had approached and a carriage was coming down the street towards them.

"I see you've arrived safely," one of the soldiers greeted them, "My name is Killian, I'm the Captain of the Karanese Garrison, I have orders to show you and your comrades to City Hall. Your horses will be taken to the stables."

Jean nodded and dismounted Buschwald, handing the reins to one of the soldiers. Armin, Connie and Phillip followed his example and then they all followed Killian to the carriage that was now waiting for them in the street.

The coach driver opened the door for them and Jean stepped up into the carriage with an odd feeling in his gut. He had been a cadet only a few years prior, a simple soldier after that...and now here he was being escorted to his very first official meeting as a Squad Leader of the Survey Corps.

"You look like you're gonna be sick, Jean," Connie whispered as the four of them took their seats.

"Shut up, Connie," Jean muttered weakly, "This is all just...it's new to me, ok? I'm just mentally preparing myself."

"Well you better prepare yourself quickly because City Hall isn't too far away from here," Phillip said with a bored tone as he looked out the window.

Phillip happened to be right and it wasn't five minutes later that the carriage stopped outside a large stone building, a large amount of steps led up to a massive door between two pillars, the symbol of Wall Rose was carved into the wood.

"Welcome to Karanese City Hall," their coach driver announced as he opened the carriage door and stood off to the side, his fist pressed over his heart in the traditional salute. Jean stepped out first and returned the salute graciously, the others followed his example...except for Phillip who just lazily slapped his fist to his chest and then headed for the steps.

"Phillip," Armin called out with a tone of disapproval, but Jean just shook his head at Armin and then nodded for he and Connie to follow.

The three soon overtook Phillip's lazy lope of a walk and Jean passed him while shooting a dirty glasre over his shoulder. _Damn it, kid, have a little bit of respect for your fellow soldiers. And, for god's sake, have at_ least _a bit of common decency toward your superiors._

He still had a hard time considering himself to be anyone's superior, to be honest...but that didn['t change the fact that he _was_ and Phillip didn't seem to care one way or the other.

"Armin, was I this bad back in our Cadet days?" he ventured to ask his friend, a little nervous about the answer, "I mean...was I this disrespectful to the officers?"

"Not to the officer's faces," Armin stated matter-of-factly, "But I happen to remember a certain brand new soldier threatening to start a mutiny on our first expedition."

Phillip turned his head slightly, trying to listen to the conversation. Armin noticed and grinned as a wicked idea came to his mind.

"And I also remember a certain cadet who had a plan to steal the beef from the officer's quarters," Armin continued, "And I broke my kneecap trying to run away because you just kept hounding me about it."

"You ran away because you were a pathetic crybaby!" Jean snapped, unhappy about Armin bringing up that particular blight on his unofficial record.

"I may have been a crybaby but at least I wasn't starting fights in the mess hall every night!" Armin shot back.

"Jaeger was such an ass!" Jean groaned, remembering the feeling of being thrown to the floor by his comrade, "I just wanted to shut him up about 'Titans this' and 'Titans that' and all his idealistic bullshit."

"I also seem to recall a certain Cadet who swore up and down again that they were going to join the MPs and that the Survey Corps were a bunch of glory hounds and suicidal maniacs."

This comment got the result Armin was looking for: Phillip stopped walking and looked back at them with a questioning expression. As they passed him, Armin motioned for him to come closer and he slowed down to fall behind Jean for a moment and whispered to the dark haired soldier.

"It's all true, Phillip. You and Jean have more in common than you seem to realize...I'll tell you all about it sometimes if you want."

To Armin's surprise, Phillip nodded before leaning away again.

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"I have to admit, when I was contacted by your Commander, Erwin Smith, about the Survey Corps' plan to expand the Wall, I was quite surprised. But I was even more surprised when I was told who would be carrying the plan out. You're quite young, aren't you? Already a Squad Leader at your age... they must be getting desperate in your regiment if they're promoting children to officers."

Jean was standing before the Mayor of Karanese, in an opulently decorated office, surrounded by finely polished furniture and shelves filled with books that he didn't for one second believe this overweight piece of shit had ever read the titles of, let alone the contents. He chewed silently on the side of his tongue in an effort to keep his big, over-honest mouth from spouting something he would regret later and he stood straight and tall with his arms crossed behind his back, eyes forward even thought they glinted with anger.

"An endeavor of such importance put in the hands of child," the mayor shook his head and Jean almost wanted to laugh at the way the fat rolls of his neck jiggled as he did, but he kept his mouth shut tight in a straight line; he felt Phillip shift nervously at his side. "The Survey Corps must be hard up indeed."

"That may very well be the case, sir," Jean's voice was steady, "It's not my place to question why I was given this job, my place is only to see that it's done to the best of my ability, whatever that may be worth."

This clever choice of words left the mayor unsure of how to reply so he simply cleared his throat loudly and held out his hand.

"Your plans then?" he asked expectantly.

Armin and Jean exchanged glances for a moment and Armin stepped forward, handing over a rolled up map containing the exact measurements and location of the new section of the Wall. The mayor opened the paper and scanned it with eyes that clearly said "I don't know what the hell I am looking at" and then rolled it back up and handed it to the Garrison soldier beside his desk.

"Ah, yes, well..." he tried to formulate an intelligent response and Jean tried hard not to grin as the Garrison soldier rolled her eyes, "This...everything seems to be in order indeed. I have been assured that the presence of the Survey Corps soldiers, extra Garrison soldiers and the engineers being sent from the Capitol will result in an increase in profits all over the city and the compensation for hosting you here will be a great thing for our city. I see no reason why Karanese shouldn't be the host city for this endeavor."

Jean wondered just how much a stipend the fat bastard was getting for himself for him to be so open to this idea...

"The Captain of the Garrison, Killian can handle all the smaller details," the mayor sounded dismissive and, indeed, held his hand out and waved it lightly in a gesture that suggested they leave the room as soon as possible.

"Smaller details meaning...everything?" Phillip's muttering made Jean step sideways right on to his subordinate's foot and, despite Phillip's angry growl, his face remained impassive as he nodded to the mayor.

""Of course, sir, you must be a very busy man," he stated as he nodded for Armin, Phillip and Connie to leave the room, "I'm sure the Garrison soldiers will be very accommodating; probably more-so than yourself."

And he turned on his heels, that simple snub hanging heavy in the air behind him...but it went over the mayor's head and Jean heard him laughing about "such pleasant youngsters" as they walked into the hall.

"Indeed," the female Garrison soldier had followed them out and she was smiling slightly, "You are welcome here in our city and we're more than happy to be a part of this expansion! Come with me, Captain Killian is waiting for us on the Wall near the outer gate."

The five of them made their way out of the courthouse and down to the carriage where the soldier handed the plans back to them.

"You hold on to these and I'll be waiting for you there," she announced, "I'm riding ahead to let them know you're on your way."

She mounted up on a grey horse and took off towards the outer gate at a canter, carefully winding her way around the citizens as they went about their business.

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By the time they reached the outer gate, the sun was sinking towards the west and the shadows of the buildings were getting longer, sunset would arrive soon and any good view of the land outside the Wall would be gone.

"Come on then, we don't have a lot of time," a Garrison soldier was leading them inside the elevator and he seemed like quite a tight ass about the rules. "Captain is waiting for you all up top. Please keep your arms inside the lift at all times. Do not attempt to vacate the lift until I give you permission."

"Must be fresh out of the Cadets," Connie whispered and Jean nodded in agreement, the poor guy was taking his job very seriously, full of love for his career path...like Eren Jaeger had been once.

The lift took them fairly quickly up to the top and they waited obediently until the Garrison soldier gave them permission to step off. Jean approached the wooden door that led out to the top of the wall and hesitated for a moment...this was Phillip's first glimpse at the world from the top of it and he smiled as he remembered how thrilling it had been to see for miles and miles, the world just seemed so much bigger from up here. He opened the door and stepped out, holding it open with the duel purpose of being polite and catching the look on Phillip's face when he exited.

Jean was not disappointed.

Phillip's blue eyes widened larger than Jean even thought was possible for the consistently dull looking soldier, his jaw dropped slightly in awe as he scanned the horizon. He looked completely struck with wonder and the childish look of excitement in his eyes made Jean feel a spark of hope...someone who has given up on life, on the world, on himself does not look like this.

"Pretty incredible, isn't it?" he asked out loud, making Phillip halt in his tracks and look back over his shoulder. Jean expected a shrug and a offhand comment but the excitement was still there on his face.

"It is, sir," Phillip replied quietly, "I've never been on the Wall before. I tried to sneak up here when I was eleven with my sister but we got caught and sent away."

Jean smiled genuinely but the moment was cut short by the approach of the Garrison Captain.

"Squad Leader Kirschstein?" he saluted and Jean returned it quickly, "I'm told you wanted a look at the land around the gate to compare it to your current plans?"

"That's correct. Armin?"

Armin stepped forward and offered the drawn plans to Killian who took them and examined them with a professional eye, like he knew what it meant instead of how the mayor had looked at them simply for the impression of interest.

"Five square miles?" he mused aloud and half way to Armin, "That seems like a large amount of space to cover. You're sure your Titan friend can handle this?"

"We will have ample time between sections for Eren to rest and recuperate," Armin assured the Captain, "We're splitting each side into smaller sections to avoid getting too far apart and too far away from safety. The Garrison soldiers on the Wall _will_ need to be exceptionally careful with the cannons during any defensive strikes or you'll likely damage the new sections in the process."

"Yes, I see," the Captain nodded, "And this is why they are assigning several Survey Corps squads to the expansion, to act as defense for the engineers?"

"Correct," Armin seemed pleased to be having an intelligent conversation without the questions being irrelevant and ignorant, "Cannons and Garrison assistance will be a last resort until this new section is completed. After that, you'll have to assign Garrison soldiers to patrol the new section, of course."

The two of them continued to discuss the logistics and specifics of the Wall building process so Jean, Phillip and Connie took this time to walk along the section of Wall and admire the scenery. Jean explained to his two comrades where the new section would encompass and he could practically feel their excitement growing.

"So our job is...?" Connie clearly hadn't paid attention in the squad meetings.

"We're supposed to protect the engineers and workers from any Titans that might come around during the building process," Phillip said calmly before Jean could even speak up, "Squads will be stationed on the main wall to begin with and will be spread out along the newly completed sections as they expand. Jean is in charge of assigning squads along the growing walls until it's closed in on all sides."

Jean was pleasantly surprised at this...Phillip knew the mission well despite how he seemed to have been sleeping through most of the meetings back at the barracks.

"That's the gyst of it," Jean agreed, "Why don't you go ask Armin and the Captain to give you a rundown of the details?"

Connie nodded, looking excited at the prospect of their role to play, and went to bug Armin about specifics. Jean watched him go for a moment and then turned to face the open space beyond Wall Rose.

"I...didn't like the way the mayor spoke to you," Phillip's voice was so quiet next to him that Jean almost thought it had been his imagination.

"We don't always get to choose who we deal with on a daily basis," Jean replied easily.

"Like me?"

Jean hadn't been expecting that and his eyes narrowed in suspicion as he looked over at his squad mate.

"You really aren't that easy to get along with, no," he admitted, "But I suspect there are reasons that you haven't let anyone else know."

Phillip snorted in disbelief.

"So you're telling me Whinny didn't tell you about our talk in the stables?" he muttered.

"She told me one thing and one thing only," Jean replied honestly, "She didn't even want to tell me this but she felt that it might put the entire squad in danger. Apparently you joined the Scouts because you assumed you would die sooner here than in the Garrison."

Phillip gritted his teeth visibly but he didn't deny it.

"I was supposed to join the MPs," he said unhappily, "Like my father...but I didn't make the Top Ten."

Jean opened his mouth to say something but Phillip gave him such a sad and tired look that he hesitated and Phillip beat him to the punch.

"Look, I'd rather not talk about this," he sighed, "I promise, I'm not going to jump into a Titan's mouth or anything stupid, I'm not going to TRY and die...I just won't let myself get delusional about living a long life. Garrison or Scout, we all die, I'd just rather go sooner than later."

The two of them stood in silence for a long while, watching the sun as it started to sink over the horizon and spread bright colors all over the sky.

"Armin said earlier...you wanted to join the MP too?" Phillip finally spoke up and Jean just nodded. "Why didn't you? Did you not make the Top Ten?"

Jean winced and his eyes dropped down to the toes of his boots, memories of that day and the night of the ceremony rushing through his mind.

"I was set on the MPs," he said softly, thoughtfully, "I wanted it more than anything. I was going to get out of this second rate life and live in the interior, safe and well fed and respected...I was going to make my mother proud. My best friend, Marco, was going to join too and we both made it in the Top Ten. I got sixth and he got seventh."

"So why didn't you go?"

"Because the day we graduated, Trost was breached."

Phillip nodded, acknowledging that he knew the story of Trost.

"You know what happened, of course. Well...when the reclamation was over, I...I found Marco during the cleanup. He was dead...bitten in half...and I never even realized he was gone until I found him like that."

Phillip looked incredibly understanding and his eyes held a look of sympathy behind his thick brown bangs.

"Trost was my hometown. I realized that day that there is no safety inside the Walls...Wall Rose, my town, we were now the outer Wall when only days ago we had been part of the interior. My best friend had died when we were only one day away from being "safe" inside Wall Sina...and I couldn't keep running away anymore after that. It was either take the fight to them or wait to be eaten when they eventually reached the inside."

"So...you joined the Scouts to get revenge for Marco?"

"No," Jean shook his head seriously, "I joined because I didn't want to sit back on my ass inside the Walls while the rest of my friends ran to their deaths. I wanted to use my skills to do all I could to protect them and everyone else inside the remainder of the Walls. Marco told me before he died that I would make a great leader...so yeah, I guess part of it was for him, but mostly I didn't want to die a meaningless death and end up being just another dead soldier. I would rather die at the sides of my friends than at the side of a King who would never even know my name."

Jean finished his statement and sighed, letting his eyes drop closed.

"There is no shame in feeling the way you do, Phillip," he said as he turned to join Armin, Connie and Killian, "We all know we're going to die sooner than later...but we just have to do the best we can until then."

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 **This was supposed to be longer but my husband demands I go to bed since I work at 5 AM tomorrow and it's midnight...he's probably right. But I found a good stopping point so here you go :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Starting a 36 hour shift on the Whambulance right now so...I should have some time to write among all that!**

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Whinny eagerly watched the horizon, bouncing on her tip toes and snapping her fingers to a rhythm only she could hear. Sasha leaned against the railing of the front porch and kept her eyes trained on the farthest point of the road she could see.

"Ugh, shouldn't they be back by now?" Whinny asked as she started to chew on her thumbnail.

"They'll be back, don't worry," Sasha commented, her voice dull but her eyes bright as she watched for Connie.

"Well they sure are taking their sweet time..." Whinny kicked at the dirt of the walkway.

"THERE!" Sasha's sudden screech made Whinny miss her kick at the ground and she almost fell over. She caught herself and ran up to the porch to stand beside Sasha and get a good look. Sure enough, four horses and their riders appeared down the road, heading in their direction at an easy walk.

"Let's go meet up with them!" Whinny suggested gleefully and, without waiting for Sasha, she ran to the stables and reappeared moments later with their horses in tow. She led them up to the porch so she could jump on barebacked and Sasha followed suit. They took off at a gallop, kicking up dust in their wake as they charged down the road to meet their returning squad mates.

"Hey, Sasha!" Connie's excited yell sounded across the divide and he kicked his horse into a canter to meet them early. He leaned over as he came up to Sasha's side and gave her a quick kiss before glancing over his shoulder to make sure it remained a secret...except for Whinny who was just smiling at them with a glint in her eye.

"You two are freaking precious," she said with a shake of her head, "Hey, Squad Leader, how did the meeting go? Are we getting this party started or what?"

Jean grinned, happy to be back with his entire squad...he felt better to be able to see them all in one place. He hated to have to split up like this because how could he protect them if they were all over the map? He couldn't imagine a world without Whinny's giant grin, Sasha's crumb speckled smile, Connie's mischievous laugh, Armin's wise eyes taking in the antics of his team, Phillip's bored expression even though his eyes held a glint of interest...this was his squad, this was his family.

"The Garrison has agreed to the plans," Armin announced since Jean was too busy happily observing everyone, "We're free to start as soon as Erwin gives the go-ahead."

"That's great!" Sasha commented, "Jean, do you think it's going to be a relatively safe mission?"

"No."

Jean's simple and grim reply made them all drop their smiles and look at their leader with concern.

"What?" Jean asked with a serious look that he sent around the entire group, "When is dealing with Titans EVER safe? People are probably going to die over this."

"Geez, man," Connie mumbled, picking nervously at the leather of his reigns, "We...we know it's dangerous but...we aren't supposed to engage the Titans unless we have to, right?"

"Wrong," Jean looked at Connie in disbelief, "Did none of you pay attention in the strategy meetings?"

Armin looked extremely nervous, he had been in charge of explaining the plans and he felt like he'd failed miserably to do so.

"I paid attention," Sasha assured him, "But it didn't sound that dangerous to me. We guard the workers, right."

"Yes, but the wall won't be enclosed," Phillip's quiet, glum voice made everyone turn their heads to look at him, "Titans could come from any direction and the Scouts are responsible for keeping them away from the new Walls. Basically it's like being outside the Walls on a mission...only the mission is to fight Titans, not avoid them and gather info."

"So we face them head on? No diversion tactics?" Connie looked shocked.

"Exactly," Armin stated simply, "There will be a lot of workers in one place, Titans will be swarming to them like flies to a carcass."

"What a lovely image, Armin," Whinny scrunched her nose.

"Sorry," Armin apologized with a blush, "But the thing is...we have to face them long before they reach the new Walls. The Garrison soldiers will be positioned closer to the workers and along Wall Rose as our backup...but we are the front line of defense."

This revelation sobered the entire mood of the regrouping and they began the ride back to the base in silence...but Whinny would have none of it.

"Come on, guys, buck up!" she said with as much cheer as she could muster, "We're Squad 78! We're going to do this together and we'll kick those Titans in the asses! Right, sir?"

She looked expectantly at Jean, her eyes begging him silently to back her up.

"Right," he said with as much enthusiasm as he could manage, "Whinny's right. We can do this, guys...we've been through worse together and we've always come out on top."

Sasha, Connie and Armin nodded resolutely, a spark of hope alighting in their eyes again at his words. Phillip just looked around at them all and he remained silent and thoughtful.

When they reached their base, Jean was surprised to see a figure waiting for them on the porch. He recognized her as he got closer, it was Sigrid!

"Connie, please take Buschwald to the stable with you?" he asked as he quickly dismounted and handed his horse's reins to his short comrade. Connie nodded and led both of their horses away. "Sigrid, good to see you again. How are you doing on the farm?"

"Everything's going very well," Sigrid said graciously, "Thank you for asking...but that's not why I'm here."

Jean nodded for her to follow him inside and he gallantly pulled a chair away from the table for her to take a seat and then he sat down next to her and turned his chair to face hers.

"Is there a problem?" he asked seriously, seeing the troubled look in her cornflower colored eyes...very pretty eyes...the opposite end of the spectrum from Mikasa's dark, almost black, eyes.

Sigrid took a deep breath and looked down at the floor.

"It's...it's really foolish...but I wanted to talk to someone who knows first-hand about this stuff," she said sadly, sounding resigned, "My best friend, basically my sister, she is joining the Cadets in a few weeks."

"And you don't want her to?" Jean guessed from her downcast demeanor that he was right in assuming this.

"I just...I just want to know what she's going to have to go through," Sigrid admitted quietly, "What's it going to be like for her? She's so determined to join the Garrison regiment."

"At least she isn't looking to join the Scouts," Jean offered with a wry laugh, Sigrid looked at him with a pained expression.

"You've seen Titans, right?" she whispered, her eyes getting wider.

"Yeah," Jean glanced over at the table, avoiding her eyes, "I've seen a lot of them."

"But you're so young," Sigrid pointed out, "How have you seen so much already?"

Jean chuckled nervously and ran his hand along the back of his neck.

"Let's just say the 104th was an unlucky year to be a Cadet," he said grimly, "The day we graduated was the day Trost was attacked and we were stationed there on cannon duty for our final assignment before the closing ceremony. And...I was a member of the Scouts Special Operations Squad under Captain Levi...do you know who I mean?"

"Of course," Sigrid nodded, "Everyone knows of him."

"Well, we took the lead in the uprising against the King," Jean found himself admitting for some reason, "Suffice it to say, yes, I've seen plenty. So...you want to know what the training is like?"

"I just want to know what she's getting herself into," Sigrid sighed.

Jean sat back and began recounting the steps of training as a Cadet to the best of his memory. Shardis' breakdown of the troops, the balancing tests, the long runs in all types of weather to build stamina, the ODM lectures and the actual ODM training, the classes on the knowledge of Titans...

"Sounds like a hard life," Sigrid commented when he finished his recollections, "I would never be able to do it. I'm too weak."

Jean eyed her quietly for a moment, taking in the strength that was obvious in her arms.

"You don't look weak," he commented and then he looked away with a blush, "I mean, you look like you're not shy of hard work."

"I'm not," Sigrid assured him, "I can plow a field, hoe rows, pick vegetables and pull weeds all day long...but I don't think I could ever swing through the air like you guys do, like it's nothing different than walking. I could never face a Titan."

"I'd say it takes a different kind of strength to do what you do," Jean said honestly, "Just because you can't swing a sword doesn't make you less than a soldier who doesn't know the first thing to do with a plow."

Sigrid raised her eyes from where they had been focused on a knot in the wood of the table and they were filled with something akin to hope.

"Do...do you really think so?" she whispered.

"Y...yeah, I do," Jean assured her, realizing he'd somehow struck the correct chord.

"I...when Kasia said she was leaving and joining the Cadets...I started to think maybe I was being selfish because I don't want to be in the military," she admitted quietly, "Kasia seems to think it's the most important thing in the world and that staying on the farm is pointless for her...but to me the farm is everything. My farm means dozens of children will be able to eat this winter who wouldn't if it didn't exist."

"Exactly," Jean reached out before he even thought through what he was doing and laid a hand on her arm in comfort, "There are different kinds of strength...different types of bravery. Some of us fight...some of us provide...some of us keep the peace...we all have parts to play, yeah?"

"Life can't run on one type of person," Sigrid agreed, nodding gently, "I'm just afraid for her...what if she...get's..."

"Stop it," Jean didn't mean for his voice to be so harsh, but he had to make her stop and put it in perspective, "She wants to do this, right? It's her goal? Well then you should know there is nothing you can do to stop her."

"I know...and that's what makes this so hard," Sigrid's voice was strained and so quiet that it made Jean's heart squeeze uncomfortably...memories of his mother's face with just this same expression flooded over his mind, the day he'd told her he was joining the Cadets. "I don't want to lose her."

Jean nodded in understanding, remembering how he'd felt when he saw his squad all together...the need to protect them and keep them close.

"Sometimes all we can do is trust that our friends can take care of themselves when we can't be there with them," he told her honestly, "I feel the same way every time we go out on a Recon mission. I can't keep my eyes on them at all times...I have to trust their own strength and their own willpower. Kasia sounds like she knows herself well. The Garrison will be lucky to gain her as a member."

"I'm...sorry for whining to you about this," Sigrid sighed, "I just...didn't know who to talk to."

"Hey, we're in this together as far as I'm concerned," Jean assured her, "You're the brains behind this idea, after all."

Sigrid seemed to brighten at his words and she smiled slightly.

"You're something special, Jean Kirschstein," she said, "I knew as soon as I saw you, you were different than the rest."

"The rest?" Jean asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Yeah...you took the time to listen to a poor farm girl and thought that maybe she isn't worthless," Sigrid explained, "You were the only one who saw the truth of what I had to offer. Now it's about to happen...we're going to take back this land!"

Jean smiled at her, a genuine smile.

"Yeah," he agreed quietly, "Yeah, we will."

"JEAN!" Sasha came barreling dramatically through the door and collapsed onto his lap, looking up at him pitifully, "Can we please have dinner now? Whinny made me wait until you guys got back and I'm STARVING!"

The serious tension in the room was broken and Sigrid began to laugh, Whinny and Connie came flying into the building together and they almost got caught in the doorway together in their haste. Phillip and Armin followed a little more slowly, talking to eachother like old friends.

"I beat you, Springer! Fair and square!" Whinny exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air.

"Like hell you did, Godfrey!" Connie demanded, "I beat you and you know it! Sasha, who reached the door first?"

Sasha groaned and slid off of Jean and onto the floor. At this point, Sigrid was laughing so hard that the whole room rang with the sound of her amusement...and Jean realized he very much liked the sound of it.

"Hello? Who is this?" Armin asked when he and Phillip came inside.

"This is Sigrid, the girl who presented the idea for expansion," Jean introduced the two strategy geniuses, "This is Armin, my second in command and a brilliant tactician."

"Are you in charge of the plans then?" Sigrid asked, her eyes lit up with excitement and when Armin nodded she grabbed his arm and squealed. "Oh, please, Armin, tell me all about it!"

Armin gladly sat down and the two of them dove headlong into a conversation about the length and width of the wall and the land the plan encompassed with the first section and all the other logistical stuff. Jean shook his head with a smile.

Sasha, Connie and Whinny were already chopping peppers and filleting fish and boiling water for potatoes. Phillip sat in a chair across the table from Jean and kicked his legs out in front him, crossing his arms over his chest as his face took on his default bored expression.

"Phillip, how about you get off your moping ass and help us cook?" Whinny called over her shoulder, her hazel eyes fixing him in a teasing glare.

Phillip sighed and stood up without any sort of complaint and joined the others at the stove.

"What the hell do I do?" he asked.

"Skin these!" Sasha thrust a potato into his hand and then a knife. Phillip scowled at the tuber in his hand but he started peeling in silence much to Jean's surprise...and then to his even bigger surprise, the cranky brown haired boy smiled slightly at Whinny's back.

Jean scrunched his eyebrows together as he studied the situation for a moment...sure enough, Whinny was sneaking glances at Phillip and he was sneaking them right back. Oh, hell.

If Phillip dragged Whinny down, Jean was going to beat the shit out of him.

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 **Gah, my back is killing me so I am going to stop writing now and get some sleep. Because it's 1 AM and I have a whole 28 hours of work left...ugh.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Well, it's been a while since I had time to write but I'm back in the groove and got lots of time again :)**

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"Alright, you guys, wake up," Jean paced up and down the line of his yawning, bleary eyed squad members. Phillip rubbed his eyes and looked out between his fingers to glare at his leader.

"Is there a good reason you woke us up at the ass crack of dawn?" he grumbled.

Jean just cocked an eyebrow at Phillip and ignored his rudeness; he was used to the boy's grumpy attitude by now, especially in the early mornings. Instead of acknowledging Phillip, he turned his back on them all and headed for the front door.

"Come on, we've got a lot to do today."

The squad mates exchanged looks of confusion and incredulity, but their curiosity got the better of them and they followed their leader outside. He led them to the stables and told them to saddle up and they obeyed without question, even Phillip, because there was something somber about Jean's attitude as they led their horses out into the yard. He led them away from the barracks and down the road aways before veering off towards the nearby forest.

When they arrived at the edge of the forest, Sigrid and Kasia were waiting for them, the latter looking very excited.

"Hey, Sigrid!" Sasha called out as she pulled her horse to a stop,

Sigrid had become a regular visitor to the barracks since Kasia had left to join the Cadets, often volunteering to deliver the food for them that the village supplied daily. She had bonded well with them all over the past several months and spent most of her free time at the barracks.

"Hey, guys, look who got to come home for a few days on break?!" Sigrid pushed Kasia forward with a smile. Kasia blushed slightly but stood straight and proud in her uniform and ODM gear, twin swords emblem over her heart.

"Good to see you guys again," she said happily, "Jean, Shardis let me bring home my ODM gear when I told him I was practicing with you and your squad."

"Wait, what's going on?" Connie asked, cocking his head.

"Erwin says the plan is a go," Jean informed his comrades calmly, "I'm assessing your ODM skills to see if you're rusty on anything. We need to be in top condition and absolute certain of our abilities before we head outside that Wall."

Whinny nodded, wide-eyed.

"Oh, I'm so nervous!" she squealed, wiggling in her saddle, "Do you really think we're ready, sir?"

"I sure hope so," Jean grumbled as he dismounted and tied Buschwald to a nearby tree. The others followed suit and then lined up to await further orders, Kasia took her place at the end of the line next to Armin and stood at complete and utter attention, her eyes shining with excitement. "Ok, guys, first off we're going to test basic maneuvering, I want to see quick directional changes, quick vertical pull-ups, smart accelerating, evasive maneuvers...every branch in this forest is a Titan's arm reaching out to snatch your pathetic hides out of the air as you aim for their napes so if you fuck up in there, you'll be Titan chow in the field."

"You're full of positivity today, aren't you?" Phillip muttered.

"Shut up, Phillip," Whinny nudged him in the ribs, but her eyes remained forward and focused.

Jean didn't even make the effort to glare at his rude subordinate anymore, he just nodded his head towards the trees and began walking towards the large clearing not too far inside that would be their observation point. Kasia bounced from foot to foot, eager to watch them practice.

"Connie, you first," Jean nodded at the short soldier and Connie's grin was almost feral as he eyed the trees around them and then took off at a run, launching himself up among the branches in a flash.

"Wow! He's fast!" Kasia's jaw dropped in awe as Connie shot from tree to tree, pushing off the trunks with his legs, changing his direction in the blink of an eye.

"Fastest in our squad," Whinny replied with a nod, her eyes following her fellow soldier's moves above them.

Connie successfully completed the agility requirements with ease and came to a heavy landing in front of them, stumbling slightly and looking sheepish.

"Now if you could only move as gracefully on the ground," Phillip said with a sneer, giving Connie a friendly shove.

"How about you put your money where your massive mouth is," Connie shot back, laughing easily.

"Gladly," Phillip wrinkled his nose and sniffed then he turned and gave Jean a questioning look, searching for permission to go. Jean nodded and Phillip dropped into a crouch, aiming for a branch far above him, then shot nearly straight upwards into the leafy canopy.

What Phillip lacked in speed, he definitely made up for in aggression. His movements were determined and executed with ferocity, his hooks embedding deeply into their anchor points and unhooking with a loud noise followed by falling debris from the injured trees. Jean often thought Phillip could very well sever a Titan's spinal cord with his anchor hooks alone and he wasn't sure to this day how the kid did it...

Phillip passed all of the requirements Jean was looking for and landed in the clearing in a crouch, one hand pressed into the grass as he looked up at grinned at Connie from under his wind-blown sandy hair, blue eyes alight with a fire they only held when he was using the ODM gear.

Kasia and Sigrid clapped and cheered and Phillip bowed dramatically before taking his place next to Connie across the clearing.

"Sasha, you're up," Jean motioned her forward and the brunette giggled before sending her anchor hook flying in a seemingly random direction, she didn't even look twice at where it latched on, she just took off like a shot with a loud 'yahoo!' and a very acrobatic back flip. Jean winced several times throughout Sasha's run, as he always did, because the girl seemed to have no strategy when it came to her movements...yet, somehow, she always ended up flowing easily among the branches in a manner that was relaxed and carefree, like her body flying among three dimensions was nothing more than taking a stroll down the street.

Soon, she came falling down, flat on her back, halting her descent close to the ground and kicking her heels over head to land on the balls of her feet. Her face was split by a wide smile and that crazy look that was unique to her was in her eyes as she pulled in her anchor hooks a final time. She joined the others by the side of the clearing and gave Kasia a wink as she passed her because Kasia was watching her with her eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets, her jaw slack and her expression confused.

"You have to do it your own way," Sasha offered simply, "There is no right or wrong style. Isn't that right, Jean?"

Jean gave her an unimpressed look but then he rolled his eyes and nodded because...well, it was true.

"You're up, Armin," he said when Sasha had cleared the course. Armin nodded, looking a bit nervous, and carefully examined the surrounding trees as his sharp mind planned out a course to take around the branches. He finally shot his wires out and took off in an intricate, yet flawless, set of ups and downs and side to sides, dodging branch after branch and completing his round among the trees in a very average style...but it worked for him and that's all Jean cared about. Armin may not be the best soldier in the world but he was more than capable when he needed to be and his mind made up for anything else he may lack.

Armin landed with a sigh and immediately made his way to the others. Whinny bounced up to take her place in the center of the clearing, waiting until Jean gave her the nod to go for it. And go for it she did.

Whinny's style was unique and she was the most graceful of them all, in his opinion. She was relaxed and moved easily as she was yanked into the trees by her wires, her eyes were half closed and calm as she flowed among the branches like water, her motions fluid and easy. She flipped, she twisted, she rolled, she ran sideways along the trees, using her feet as much as her hooks, like she was dancing among the branches. She finished her round and flung herself from a high branch, launching her anchor long after she began to fall, swinging easily down into the clearing and releasing the hook just before she reached the ground, coming to a running stop on the grass. She wasn't even breathing hard...like it had been no effort at all for her. She was a natural, just like Jean himself was.

"Your turn, sir," Whinny smiled genuinely as she approached him, "We need to make sure you're up to snuff too!"

Jean rolled his eyes but he knew she was right, every single one of them needed to be at the top of their game before they faced the Titans...so he took his place and eyed the branches carefully. He hooked his first anchor and felt that familiar thrill as the wires yanked him upward, all his body weight balanced on the belts, he pushed against the belts around his feet and evened out his body with a mere shift of his weight as he flew, arrow straight towards his anchor point, but at the last moment, he launched his second wire and veered sideways around the side of the tree, letting out a bit of gas to maintain his forward momentum.

Jean was in his element, he had graduated top of his class in ODM use even above Mikasa! He felt at ease in the harness, wind in his face as he maneuvered among the trees with little effort. The straps pressed into his chest and hips and thighs; where they used to cut and rub him raw, they now provided a sort of steady comforting feel against the calloused skin beneath his uniform. Year of practice and use had turned him into a machine when he had this gear on...it wasn't even second nature anymore, it was his natural element.

One area where he performed differently than any of his comrades was his incredible amount of time spent in the air with no anchors laid down, just moving from the momentum of his previous swing, his body twisting with ease and his mind clear as he planned his next hooking point. It was a skill that had set him apart from all the Cadets in the 104th, and Reiner had told him once he had "incredible hang time"; that was where Jean found himself now, completely unhooked from any solid surface and gliding above the clearing with his long legs bent beneath him, his hips forward as he aimed for the large tree across the way, waiting until her began to lose his momentum before launching the anchor hook towards the bark and going into a rapid, tight swing.

When he landed in the clearing, he brushed a few pieces of bark off his arm and looked around at his team, they were all smiling like idiots and Kasia was clapping while bouncing on her toes. Sigrid was just staring at him with a look he wasn't quite sure how to interpret.

"Holy shit! That was incredible!" Kasia squealed with delight, "Oh, please, can I try now?"

"Of course," Jean gave her an encouraging grin, "You're going to be a soldier sooner than you know it, the more practice you get, the better. Show us what you've got, Cadet."

Kasia did her stuff at a much slower and unsure pace, but Jean nodded approvingly when she landed next to him in the clearing. She had a lot of potential and he almost thought it a shame that her natural abilities would be an asset to the Garrison eventually and not the Scouts.

"Good job, Kas!" Sigrid said happily as she approached them, her light blue eyes dancing with pride as she eyed her best friend up and down, "That was amazing! I can't imagine how hard that must be! You all make it look like it's nothing!"

"It's definitely not nothing," Kasia mumbled, rubbing at the sore spots the chaffing belts left on her skin, "It hurts so bad."

"You'll get calluses," Jean informed her, "It'll hurt like hell for a while but eventually you won't feel right _without_ your gear on. You've got some skill, Kasia...the Garrison will be lucky to have you."

"Th...thank you," Kasia looked shocked, and she beamed at his unexpected praise. She clamped her fist to her chest in a salute, "I have the utmost respect for the Scouts, sir. I just...the Garrison has always been my desire. It's not out concern for myself...I'm not selfish, sir."

Jean gave her a surprisingly gentle look and laid a hand on her shoulder, meeting her eyes in a serious stare.

"I've seen Garrison soldiers give their lives as readily and bravely as any Scout. Even the MPs have good people among them. And, as for being selfish...I was the worst at that once so I wouldn't be able to judge anyway."

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Sigrid nervously ran her hand up and down her arm as she watched the squad members swinging around on their two puny wires, barely dodging heavy limbs and twisting at the last possible moments before slamming into tree trunks...how did they do it? How did they focus so well at such speed and force? It was beyond her comprehension, but watching it gave her a thrill like none other.

Their individual styles were obvious in their movements, quick, forceful, intuitive, calculating, smooth...and then Jean stepped up to take his turn and her breath hitched as his golden eyes took on a look she'd never seen in them before. He looked so confident, so purely in his element, and it made her feel a thrill of excitement as she waited for him to show his stuff.

And she was not disappointed. Sigrid had never seen anything as awe-inspiring as Jean Kirschstien using his ODM gear. As she watched him fly, for it truly did look like he was flying more than swinging, she felt her heart rise and fall with his movements, her breath catch every time he let both hooks loose and he would just freefall for what seemed an excessive amount of time. He was amazing.

"Wow..."Kasia breathed from her side and broke Sigrid's concentration for a moment, "He's incredible, Sig! I can barely even keep myself from panicking when a tree is coming my way...he just looks like he was born for this."

"I can't even imagine how strong you'd have to be to move like that," Sigrid agreed, watching in total awe as Jean flung himself across the entire clearing with no safety anchor, his eyes focused on some point ahead of him.

"Incredibly strong," Kasia nudged her friend in the ribs with her elbow, "I can't wait to develop the muscles these guys must have to do this so easily. He's really handsome too."

Sigrid gave her friend an incredulous look as Kasia ran towards the center of the clearing and then she blushed brightly and turned away quickly to watch Jean come in for his landing. His landing was perfect and he brushed himself off with a peaceful look on his face.

Kasia was practically bouncing with excitement as Kasia walked over towards them, her eyes focused on Jean as she took him in with fresh eyes...yeah, he was _definitely_ very handsome indeed. Kasia was getting ready to practice her skills and Sigrid felt a tight lump in her throat as she watched the dark streak that was her best friend shoot into the trees, she wrung her hands nervously and she barely even noticed Jean step closer to her as they watched the Cadet perform.

Finally, thankfully, Kasia landed without any harm done to her and Sigrid praised her accomplishment with honest admiration. Her friend was well on her way to becoming a soldier. She spaced out for a moment as she imagine Kasia slicing into the neck of a Titan with battle rage in her eyes and when she came back to reality, her friend was complaining about the pain from the straps.

"You'll get calluses," Jean said.

 _Calluses? Good god...calluses where ever those straps went? That must be miserable to build them up!_

Sigrid and Kasia watched the Squad as they practiced more Scout-focused skills like evasion on level ground and specialized horsemanship moves such as launching ODM from horseback. Sigrid realized about midway through all of this that her eyes had barely left Jean...

"Alright, guys, that's good for now," Jean announced and everyone stopped what they were doing to gather closer to hear what their leader had to say, "You all have a good grasp of your skills and I'm proud to say I think we're ready for this. Now, and I think Sasha will agree, it's lunchtime!"

Sasha was on her horse in record time and she was galloping away before the rest of them could even take a step towards the animals. Connie was off after her not long after and Jean shook his head as he watched them go.

"Need a ride, you two?" Whinny asked and Sigrid looked up to see her holding out a hand to Kasia who nodded and accepted the hand up, swinging onto the saddle.

Sigrid watched as they trotted off, laughing like old friends.

"Hey, Sig, you can ride with me if...if you want," Jean's voice, at an octave she'd never heard his voice in, reached her ears and she turned to find him leading his horse up to her but he was not making eye contact. He looked kind of flustered. She gave him a wide smile.

"Thanks, Jean. I guess I do sort of need a ride."

He gave her an odd look for a while before he nodded and nodded towards his right side and cupped his hands as if he was making a step for her.

"Oh, come on, Kirschstein," Sigrid rolled her eyes and giggled slightly, "I may not be a soldier, but I know how to ride a horse!"

To prove her point, she pulled herself up onto the massive animal with ease and straddled it's wide body, she looked down at Jean and gave him a snarky, self-pleased grin. He stared up at her with hiw eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Guess you won't mind taking the reins then?" he asked and before Sigrid could even reply, he swung up behind her and her reply was stuck in her throat. He was so warm and so firm behind her, his solid chest pressed into her back, his thighs pressed against hers...oh, goodness, and he was so close in the saddle with her that she felt the heat from the junction of his legs against her butt. _Holy...get your shit together, Sigrid!_

"I...uh...yeah...I can't take the reins," she finally managed to croak.

"Alright then, let's go before Sasha eats everything in the cupboards," Jean's tone was annoyed but she could tell by the chuckled that followed that he was amused by something.

Sigrid tried her best to ignore the way he felt behind her as she nudged Buschwald forward, she tried to ignore the way her back bumped against his chest as the trotted along, the way his hot breath felt on the back of her head, the way his right foot was bouncing slightly as if tapping out a rhythm in his head...to be honest, it was very difficult to ignore all this.

When they reached the barracks, Sigrid wasn't sure if she felt relieved or disappointed...but Jean slid off first and then he held out his arms to her to assist her dismount.

"I _know_ you can do it yourself," he said with some annoyance when she gave him an unhappy look, "But can't you just let a guy be a gentleman?"

"He needs a lot of practice," Connie teased from the porch. Sigrid giggled and finally agreed to his assistance.

But she wasn't expecting what he did next. His hands circled her waist and he lifted her clear off the stirrups and held her aloft for a split second longer than necessary before setting her down gently, his hands pulled back quick as if she'd burnt him.

"Th...there," he stuttered noticeably and she saw a bright blush threatening to appear on his cheeks, "Was that so hard?"

She didn't answer and he didn't wait around long enough to hear it if she had.

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After dinner, which Sasha, Connie and Sigrid prepared, everyone sat around the table with full bellies and tired, glassy eyes. The day's training had worn out the soldiers and Sigrid was just glad to be among friends so she was drifting in and out from pure comfort.

"We'd best be getting home, Kas," she announced as she was hit with a particularly heavy wave of threatening sleep.

"Yeah," Kasia sighed unhappily, "Guess so."

They stood to leave and they were about to the gate by the road when Sigrid realized she forgot something very important so she told Kasia she would catch up and ran back to the building. Phillip and Armin were still in the kitchen, cleaning the dishes.

"Hey, guys...I...I just want to tell you to stay safe, ok?" she whispered seriously, "I know you'll be moving out to start the Wall expansion any day now and...if I don't see you before then I just want to wish you luck. Please stay safe."

Phillip looked uncomfortable with her words but Armin smiled wide and approached her to give her a hug.

"We'll watch out for eachother, Sig," he promised, "We'll come back."

"Can I say goodbye to the others too?"

"Of course," Sasha and Whinny are in their rooms. The last two doors on the right. Jean's room is first on the left."

Sigrid headed to see Whinny and Sasha first, bidding them farewells and well wishes and luck, then she headed for Jean's room. She knocked and then hesitated, waiting for an invite to open the door.

"Yeah, come on in," his voice sounded welcoming enough, so she opened the door and stepped in.

"Hey, Jean, I just...I...I...oh wow..."

She knew she sounded like a total idiot but she was too shocked and, frankly, amazed, to really care. Jean Kirschstein stood there in all his shirtless glory. His ODM straps hung loose and random down his legs from his hips, his hair was sticking out from where he'd pulled his shirt over his head, his golden eyes were wide in surprise...and his top half was gloriously bare to her eyes. He was slightly tanned and his chest and abdomen were solid and powerfully muscled, his shoulders wide and strong, his waist tapered into a classic V shape, a small line of blonde hair trailed from his chest down into the waistband of his pants...but what caught her eyes the most were the calluses.

He'd mentioned them earlier, of course, but she had no clue what to expect if she ever saw them. They were thick and an angry dark tan color against his normal skin, stretching over the top of his chest and under his arms, they ran down his sides in a Y shape where they connected to a long line at his waist. She couldn't imagine the pain he must have been through to form such harsh, dense lines on his otherwise smooth skinned frame.

"S...sorry...I..."

Jean was shocked for a moment when she'd first entered but by now he just looked like he was waiting for an explanation.

"Thought you were Armin," he told her quietly, "I would've...put a shirt on..."

"I just wanted to say goodbye," Sigrid blurted, trying to ease her feeling of awkwardness, "I wanted to tell you to stay safe and...to come back."

"I planned on it," he assured her calmly.

"Just...promise you'll be ok?" she whispered back to him, not convinced.

"I can't do that," Jean admitted unhappily, "All I can do is promise we will all do our best to come back safe and alive. We'll have eachother's backs...so our chances are good."

"Well...I just...want you to know that...," Sigird took a deep breath, hoping in the deepest part of her soul that her new friends would be the lucky ones to beat the odds, and she met his eyes seriously, "I'll be waiting for you all to come home safe."

And she ran out of the room, out of the barracks, and down the road towards her home...towards Kasia who she would be blessed to have for another few days at least before she too would return to military life.

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 **Whew, that was a long one! I am about to pass out from lack of sleep so...nap time!**

 **Read and review and make my day!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Sitting here at work, nothing happening so far, so I have a lot of time to write.**

 **Since I'm pretty much open to writing ANYTHING today, I asked reviewangel which story I should work on and this was her choice so...here's the next chappie :)**

 **OC Fun Facts!**

 **1\. Phillip Mueller's name. Phillip is the name of my pet Beta fish and Mueller is the original German of my maiden name, Miller. So...yeah, Phillip is basically named after my fish. Also, Phillip was originally created as a throwaway character, whose death (in this very chapter, in fact) was intended to be a lesson for Jean...but he received such positive feedback and I became so attached to him that I couldn't do it.**

 **2\. Whinny Godfrey's name. I happened to be thinking about horses while trying to choose her name and "whinny" being one of the sounds a horse makes just stuck in my head and I couldn't shake it. Godfrey was just the first German name on a list that I thought fit well with it.**

 **3\. Sigrid is actually the character this story's title is about, referring to the fact that not only soldiers are brave but that it takes a different kind of bravery to stand against the crowd and take risks like when she presented the plan and her plan to be the first to take her farming skills out to the newly claimed land.**

 **4\. Kasia's idealism to join the Garrison Regiment is a reflection of my own thoughts on the three choices. If I was in the AOT universe I would choose the Garrison, not out of selfish desire of safety, but because I believe that regiment is just as important to the safety of mankind as the Scouts are. I created Kasia to present a love for these often overlooked heroes.**

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Jean stood before his squad, feeling inside the fear he saw mirrored in their eyes...the call had come in, the Wall expansion was happening and it was happening today. So Squad 78 stood on the top of the Karanese gate, looking out at the currently Titan-free landscape on the wild side of it, waiting for the engineers and Wall building teams to head out of the gate.

The teams below, Jean mused, were really the bravest people involved in this plan...they were marching out beyond the safety of the wall and putting their lives in the hands of the Scouts and Garrison. The builder didn't have ODM gear, they didn't have any way of self protection because they wouldn't know what to do with it even if they did. Their job was to build and that was their focus.

The previous days before, several Scout unit made a run outside the Wall and marked a five square mile area to be enclosed by this first attempt...it was estimated that it would take at least a year to enclose it. Jean began to realize when he heard the estimation that he had taken on a very, very large and complicated operation and he would be lying if he said he wasn't scared. In fact, he was terrified.

Standing there, looking down the line of soldiers on either side of him and watching the wagons below being prepped with building materials made everything suddenly so real, so dangerous. He was in charge here...he would be sending people to their deaths today, he knew this. He sincerely hoped the ends would justify what about to happen, but he knew he was about to get a lot of blood on his hands and, no matter how many times he would have to do this in his career as a leader, he would never believe the end justified deaths of good people. That was the burden of leadership, he knew...the good of the many had to come before the good of the individual soldiers. Every one of these soldiers knew they were risking their lives today...and they were willing to do it because they believed their potential sacrifice was going to make a difference.

Everyone had to die someday...they all could only hope it was going to make a dent in the despair they all lived in, that they would help in humanity taking a step forward.

"Squad Leader, Kirschstein."

Jean's heart leapt into his throat at the sound of the voice he recognized very well. _Eren Jaeger_.

"We're ready when you are...sir."

Jean turned around to face the dark haired soldier and he felt that unexplained and unexpected rush of companionship towards his comrade again...Eren was the best chance they had at rebuilding the Wall since he had managed to contain and control his hardening abilities and Jean was glad the Titan Shifter had agreed to the plan and offered his abilities up. With Eren on the team, the expansion would be much quicker and the Wall would be a lot stronger and taller.

"You think this is the right thing to do, Jaeger?" Jean found himself asking quietly, "Is this going to be worth our loses?"

"Yes," Eren didn't even hesitate, "This is the best course of action and you know it. Stop doubting, you're the damn leader here!"

Jean recoiled slightly at Eren's harsh reply and he blinked and glared back, his natural reaction to Eren Jaeger was to snap at him and make snarky comments...but those days were long gone now and he saw that Eren's words were really his odd way of trying to be encouraging.

"Jean," Eren continued, a little less venomously, "You've got this. You've proved yourself enough...now you have to trust yourself and choose the best way to go. No one else should be able to change your mind from what you know is the right choice...don't make the same mistake I did. Go with your gut and do what it tells you."

Jean nodded, understanding Eren's reference to his old Squad, the original Levi Squad...he had always regretted his choice and it had changed him forever.

"You're right, Jaeger," he admitted with a firm and determined nod, "Hey...good luck out there. Don't overdo it, alright?"

Eren nodded and turned to head for the lift to take him back down to where the engineer carts were waiting for the go-ahead. Everything was ready...the plan was about to be set into motion. Eren eventually came out down below and took a seat in the head wagon, a Garrison soldier waved the large, rose-marked flag of his regiment and Jean turned to the soldiers waiting with him on the Wall.

"This is a big step we're taking today, soldiers," he called out loudly to the mass of green cloaked Scouts to his right and the Garrison soldiers on his left, "Give your hearts today...this is going to be the first time since Trost that we take back what was taken away by these sons of bitches! Protect Jaeger and the engineers at _all_ costs, if that means life and limb then so be it, because this land belongs to us and damned if we're just going to sit around and starve to death before we try everything we can to get it back!"

He knew it was a lame attempt at an encouraging and inspiring speech...but he'd never claimed to be a great public speaker, he only spoke the truth. However, the cheer that followed his words and the sight of early morning sun glinting off of hundreds of raised blade made his heart soar...he seemed to have said just the right thing after all.

"We're ready," he told the Garrison soldier on his left, she held a matching flag as the one waving down on the ground. She nodded and raised the flag high and waved it side to side...the signal to move out.

Jean swallowed thickly as he felt the rumbling of the gate opening under his feet, this was happening...it was real now. This wasn't a theory anymore, it wasn't a plan. This was the beginning.

"Don't pass out or something lame," Phillip's tired sounding voice made Jean turn his head, the sandy-haired soldier was standing there with his arms crossed lazily over his chest, appearing unaffected on the outside, but Jean saw the fear in his eyes and he wasn't fooled. "How would it look to the soldiers if the guy in charge fainted like a wimp?"

"Do you think pushing my subordinate off the edge of the Wall would be more inspiring?" Jean hissed, but his tone was teasing and it seemed to work, the fear in Phillip's eyes was replaced for a moment by amusement.

"It wouldn't be quite as amusing," Phillip countered easily, "So...here goes nothing, right?"

Jean looked at his comrade carefully, trying to read him and determine if he could be trusted...was he still ready to die without any concern for himself?

"Phillip?" he asked quietly, seriously, "Are you with us? Can I trust you out there with the lives of my Squad?"

Phillip stared down at the ground for a long, quiet moment before he looked up and met Jean's eyes with a dull look.

"I won't put my Squad in danger, sir," he responded, "But if I am destined to die today, or any day after, I'm not gonna fight it."

Jean wanted to say something to change Phillip's attitude, but his responsibility had expanded beyond his own Squad today and he sighed heavily as the weight of this responsibility pressed down on him. He had to start moving out the troops...Phillip would have to make his own choices today.

"Scouts! Move out!"

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A little while later and Jean's squad found themselves standing in a line on horseback, their backs to the engineers and their eyes scanning the horizon. Another squad were close by on their right, standing on the rooftops of a few dilapidated buildings to get a better view of the land.

Jean took a moment to look behind him and he couldn't help but feel a rush of hope at the sight. It was an hour into the building process and Eren had already hardened two sections of the Wall's base and the engineers were hard at work putting up bracers and supports so that Eren could eventually get on top of it and harden another, higher section. This would be done three times to make the basic structure even with the existing Wall, then they would move on to the next section and begin again.

Jean was a little worried about Eren, if he was going to be honest...he knew that Eren tended to get nosebleeds if he exerted himself too much or too often, the expanse of the Wall sections would be dependent on Jaeger's stamina during individual workdays. So far, he didn't look too drained as he stood next to the lead engineer and watched the beams being raised against his hardened Titan shell.

"Wow," Whinny's awed voice made Jean smile, she was staring at Eren with wide eyes and an open mouth, "So that's Eren Jaeger! Isn't it incredible, Jean? To have a TITAN on our side!?"

Jean had seen Eren in action so many times that he tended to forget this spectacle was new to his two younger squad mates. He thought back to the first time he'd seen Eren's Titan form and he nodded...it had been strange and terrifying back then, before it was clear what he was and what his intentions were.

"We personally know four other Titan shifters," Armin told her, "I just can't help but think sometimes...what we could accomplish if they were on our side."

"Ymir...we don't know what choice she will make yet," Sasha reminded them all, her tone serious, "We may have an ally out there that we don't even know of yet. I keep hoping..."

"Me too," Jean agreed grimly, "But...there's no guarantee."

"You knew the Female Titan?" Whinny asked in surprise, "The one they keep locked in the dungeons enclosed in crystal?"

"Yeah," Connie sighed unhappily, "She was in the 104th with us. Annie is her name, Annie Leonhardt. We...had no idea."

"TEN METER TITAN APPROACHING!" The announcement from the Scouts on the rooftop made Jean's blood turn ice cold and he swung his head around to see if he could spot it, but he couldn't see it yet from their low vantage point.

"Head for those trees," Jean ordered, his tone left no room for argument and they galloped towards a copse of tall trees, huddling on their horses among the trunks, waiting for the Titan to appear. They could feel the footsteps coming at a slow pace and Jean thanked his lucky stars that it didn't seem to be an abnormal. But where there was one...more were sure to follow. "We'll intercept it here if possible. I don't want any open area maneuvers unless absolutely necessary, you hear me?"

His squad mates nodded, their eyes fixed nervously on the horizon in the direction the Scouts on the roof were pointing in. Soon enough, it came over the rise of the ground and made it's lumbering way towards their location, it didn't seem to be aware of the Scouts waiting to ambush it, it's sights seemed set on the engineers and Eren.

"Get ready," Jean ordered, "Up into the branches."

They shot off their horses into the trees above and Jean assessed the situation, it appeared the Titan would pass closest by the section of trees where Sasha was positioned in a hunter's crouch, her blades tightly griped in her hands as she eyed the approaching threat with a feral snarl on her lips.

"It's all yours, Sasha!" he called to her and she nodded in understanding, she saw the direction it was going as well and knew it was her kill.

Jean felt his heart squeeze in that familiar feeling of terror as the Titan reached their position, it's mouth wide and it's tongue lolling out grotesquely, it's arms were shorter than average and one was tucked into its side like a chicken wing, but it's eyes were full of focus as it headed for the engineers. Sasha leapt and Jean's throat tightened in concern...but he needn't have worried. With a ferocious battle cry, Sasha hooked onto the back of the Titan's shoulder and went flying towards the nape, her blades flashed in the sun and the sound of metal cutting through flesh filled the air. The Titan's advance stopped and it seemed to fall in slow motion, Sasha hooked onto a nearby tree and just swung neatly off to the side, looking delighted with herself.

"Wow! Way to go, Sasha!" Whinny called out to her friend, her voice was shaking and her eyes were wide with terror. Whinny had seen her first official Titan.

Jean glanced over at Phillip to see how he was reacting, but his usual dull expression gave nothing away, he was just staring down at the steaming corpse.

"WE GOT THREE MORE HEADING THIS WAY!" These were definitely not the words that Jean wanted to hear, he looked out over the land to determine the directions of the oncoming Titans. "TWO FROM THE WEST, ONE FROM THE SOUTH!"

Connie, Sasha and I will stay here on the west side of the trees, you three head for the south end," Jean ordered quickly, not stopping to second guess himself. Everyone nodded and the three headed for the southern part of the trees while Connie and Sasha came over closer to their Squad Leader's position.

Jean waited for the two Titans to approach and when they did he took a deep breath of preparation. One appeared to be a seven meter, not too big of a deal, but it had a massive 15 meter closing in fast behind it...and it looked like a nasty one.

"Connie, you and I are taking the big one," he said unhappily, "Sasha, keep that smaller one away from us. We've got this, guys."

The 15 meter reached them first and Jean gave Connie a quick nod before they simultaneously leapt from the cover of the trees and hooked on, Connie hooked a little too low, but he used his position to jab his blade into the right eye of it, resulting in the Titan coming to a stop and swiping at its injured eye, Jean used the distraction to swing around the back, narrowly avoiding the flailing arm as he passed it, to slice through the nape. Connie let out a triumphant yell as the Titan began to fall. They rode it down on its back and then quickly looked back to see if Sasha needed help...but she stood with her foot on the quickly disappearing 7 meter's arm where it was sprawled on the ground. They had succeeded.

"JEAN!"

Jean's back stiffened and a horrifying chill ran down his spine...that was Armin's voice, it's panicked tone reaching his ears even from the other side of the trees. Without a second's hesitation, Jean was off in the direction of Armin's scream with Connie and Sasha right behind him.

 _Please. God, please...let them be alright!_

Immediately he knew what was wrong, his eyes widened in horror at the sight before him. One dead Titan on the ground, three more approaching not 100 yards away...and Whinny, stuck under the arm of the felled Titan, her arms pinned. Jean felt like he was watching the scene play out in slow motion...Whinny was wiggling desperately, her face streaked with tears and her mouth open in a silent scream, the first Titan of the three reached her and pulled her out from under the arm, raising her up into the air by her gear, examining her with its big, horrible eyes, it's mouth falling open slowly as it lifted her higher, holding her precariously above as it tilted its head back, preparing to drop her into its massive mouth.

Jean wanted to rush in, but he knew it was too big of a risk to the rest of his squad with the other two that had now reached them...he couldn't put them all at risk. He couldn't! As the Titan released his grip on her, Jean closed his eyes tight and turned his head away.

 _Whinny...I'm sorry..I'm so sorry..._

"YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!" Phillip's visceral scream cut through the throbbing in Jean's ears and he jerked his head up to see, to his utter horror, the boy had thrown himself from the trees, his anchor hook embedded deeply in the Titan's still upraised arm. He was flying towards the horrific scene, his eyes blazing with fury and Jean noticed his blades were not in his hands, he was only using one of his hands, his other was stretched desperately out to his side.

 _Oh, hell..._

Phillip wasn't thinking...he was purely acting on instinct. His hook was in the worst possible place, all the Titan had to do was swing it's arm and he would be smashed on the ground or against a tree or swung into the grip of another Titan! But he reached out as he passed the Titan's mouth, snagging Whinny's arm and yanking her into his chest...and then they went into an uncontrolled swing and Jean felt his stomach plummet...they were both in trouble now because Phillip clearly hadn't thought about how he was going to get away with only one wire.

But then...and Jean would never forget it, Whinny gave Phillip a look and a quick nod and she launched her hooks in the direction of the trees, hooking firmly and turning the tables to where she was the one holding onto Phillip. Phillip released his hook and they began a rapid swing towards the trees. The Titans swiped at them as they passed and Jean thought for a second it had all been for nothing...but they somehow dodged the massive hands and came to a tumbling landing among the trees, both laying ominously still.

"Fuck!" Jean looked down at his motionless comrades and then quickly glanced at his remaining three, he motioned with his left blade towards the three Titans. "They know we're here, we have to fight! Connie take the left, Sasha and Armin get the center, I'll take the left! GO!"

They all four launched at the same time and Jean's focus narrowed to his target and his target only, everything else faded away...all he could think of was killing this son of a bitch. And he did. His slice was the deepest he'd ever made, nearly severing the head of the 10 meter who had nearly eaten his bright-eyed, sweet-hearted comrade. He kicked the back of its dangling head for good measure as it fell and then he looked around to be sure the others had succeeded. Armin and Sasha had already retreated to the trees, their Titan was kneeling on the ground, the back of its knees were sliced open, Armin landed in the trees and then turned right back around and rehooked into the kneeling Titan's back, flying back down from the branches to slice through its nape and finish it off. Connie's Titan fell a moment later and the short soldier hopped off to the side with an angry sniff, but he eyed the carcass sadly, most likely wrapped up in memories of his family.

But Jean had no time for feeling sorry for their enemies, he ran as fast as he could back to the trees where Phillip was sitting up and shaking Whinny's shoulder.

"Whinny! Whinny, answer me! Are you alright?" he sounded panicked, his blue eyes wide and worried. Whinny moaned but she turned slightly and looked up with a smile.

Jean reached them and he grabbed Phillip by the front of his shirt, lifting the smaller boy almost completely off his feet as he glared at him, his teeth bared.

"Phillip! What the hell were you thinking!? You could have gotten your entire squad killed!" he hollered loudly.

"I wan't going to sit there and watch her get eaten!" Phillip screamed back, seemingly unfazed by Jean's anger, he matched it with equal rage, "How the hell could you just stand there!?"

"I had to! You don't understand, do you? I have to think of ALL OF US! I can't risk the lives of everyone in my squad for the life of one!" Jean knew his voice was close to breaking, close to revealing the fear and the relief and the self-hatred inside.

"Well, I made my own choice," Phillip replied, "You told me once I needed to find something to live for. I chose Whinny and I wasn't going to sit on my ass and watch her die without trying anything! I'm not a leader, I can't be that cold! You can't ask me to do that!"

This statement suddenly clicked in Jean's brain...Whinny was Phillip's only reason to live? He glanced down at Whinny and released Phillip's shirt simultaneously, seeing now that their furtive glances and teasing laughter and smiles at eachother these last few months had meant more than he ever realized.

"I see," he said quietly, and he knelt at Whinny's side where Sasha was checking her for injuries. There was a cut on her scalp above her right ear and her ankle looked swollen, her right arm hung at an awkward angle...dislocated. "Whinny? I'm..I'm sorry...I am...I had to...I had to think of the others."

"I know, sir," Whinny said softly, her teeth gritted in pain, "I don't blame you for anything. I was stupid and twisted my ankle taking down that first one. But, I did it! I killed my first Titan!"

Jean smiled. Nothing could dampen Whinny's spirit, not even a near death experience.

"I wish I would have seen it," he told her kindly, and then he leaned down to whisper in her ear, "Phillip wants to live, Whinny. He wants to live for you."

Whinny's hazel eyes widened and began to glisten with unshed tears and her mouth tilted into a smile.

"Then this was worth it," she whispered, almost more to herself than anything.

Sasha managed to put Whinny's arm back into socket and they got her onto her horse. Connie and Phillip rode close on either side of her to assure she didn't fall off and they headed back to the houses where the other squad waited to take the ground position. Connie, Sasha and Armin took lookout on the rooftops while Jean prepared to head back to Karanese with his two injured squad mates. Phillip had twisted a leg in the landing and both of them had damaged their ODM gear so it needed to be repaired.

"Armin, you're in command while I'm gone," he ordered an the three of them began their way back to the Wall. They passed Eren on the way and Jean noticed he looked extremely tired and was holding a blood stained cloth to his nose. He stopped his horse immediately and jumped down to get a better look at his friend. "Eren...I told you not to overdo it."

He glanced over at the new Wall sections, there were three of them, equal to nine transformations for Eren. It looked like such little progress...but he knew Eren had reached his limit for a while.

"You're done for now, Jaeger," he said grimly, "That's an order."

The engineers were informed and the withdraw smoke signal was set off, all the squads gathered back together and they headed back to the safety of the Wall...with no casualties. It was a small win, but it was a start.

How long would their luck hold though? Jean knew it wasn't always going to be this easy.

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 **Whew, I wrote on this for 5 hours! I hope it's good!**

 **Read and review and make my day! Love you all :D**


	13. Chapter 13

**Whew, sorry it took so long to get this chapter up! I'm back in the game again and will be pumping out chapters again like before!**

 **OC Facts:**

 **Phillip's best friend in his squad, besides Whinny, is Connie.**

 **Whinny and Phillip graduated together from the same Cadet Squad, but they never really spoke to eachother before being assigned to Jean's Squad together.**

 **Sigrid's parents died because they volunteered for the first mission to reclaim Wall Maria, not knowing it was simply a plan to thin population. They were very idealistic people, just like their daughter.**

 **Kasia doesn't remember her own parents, but she knows she came from the northernmost part of Wall Maria. Perhaps all the people of that region were people of her color before that segment of the territory was lost?**

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Jean scanned his squad as they sat in the mess hall surrounded by Garrison soldiers and other Scout squads, his tawny eyes taking in each of their faces as he tried to get a read on their emotions.

Whinny's arm was in a sling and she was bruised and had several healing cuts on her visible skin, but her eyes were bright and she was talking animatedly to a dark haired Garrison soldier about her first Titan kill.

Phillip was watching Whinny out of the corner of his eyes as he drank deeply from his tin cup, he'd eaten so quickly and ravenously when they'd gotten their food that it had somewhat surprised Jean. Hopefully it was assign of his comrade's new desire to live…considering Phillip had always been more of the type to pick at his food and eat very little.

Connie was his usual self, chatty and cracking jokes and laughing easily. He didn't seem fazed by their first day of their new job.

Sasha was sneaking pieces of food from her boyfriend's plate since she had already polished hers off with the speed of a starving lion. Nothing off kilter here.

Armin was silent and when Jean looked at him he was shocked to see Armin's eyes were studying him closely…just as close as Jean was studying the others. Of course, Armin was worried about _him_.

"Don't worry about me, Armin," he said, nodding in understanding of his second in command's unspoken question, "I'm fine. I got a little shaken up out there with Phillip and Whinny but…we're all alive and I guarantee that won't be the last close call we have out there."

"It doesn't change the fact that you had to make a very difficult call yesterday," Armin said quietly, "It was the right call, Jean, but I know it was hard on you. Whinny understands…but are _you_ going to be ok with your choice?"

"I have to be," Jean replied unhappily, resting his chin on his palm, "It was the only call I could make. Never risk your entire squad for the life of one of them. It sounds so simple when you say it to yourself…but it's not. It's not simple at all, it's terrible."

"You made a call," Eren's voice was quiet from beside Jean, and his shoulders automatically tensed up in anticipation of some sort of remark that would surely rub him the wrong way, but Eren's tone was thoughtful and distant, "We all have to make difficult choices sometimes…we'll never know until the moment is past if we chose right or not."

What was that? Did _Eren Jaeger_ just make a comment that sounded well thought out and not stupid or suicidal? Jean lifted his chin from his palm and looked at the soldier at his side with interest, wondering if he had more to say on the matter.

"From what I heard, you made the right choice out there, Jean," Eren continued, "You're a quick thinker, good at reading the whole picture and not just your own feelings. I envy that…I wish I had that ability more times than I can even say. Maybe…maybe they would be here right now…if I had."

Ah, the old Levi Squad, Jean realized the reason for Eren's quiet thoughtfulness. Jean had only met the four acclaimed veterans a few times in his first weeks as a Scout, before the utter failure of the 57th recon mission, before their untimely deaths…but he remembered well Eren's respect for them and his many comments on their skill and kill counts. Eren had never been the same after their deaths…something about it was too hard for the dark haired soldier to retell and Jean had honestly never really cared enough to ask. But now he was curious as to why Eren was so deeply affected by it.

"It wasn't your fault they died, was it?" Shit. Why did _everything_ he say to Eren come out like that? Harsh and cruel even now as he sat there feeling sorry for him! He waited for Eren to reply hotly and maybe even throw a punch…but his bright green eyes just turned to meet his own and he saw the truth shining from them in the form of unshed tears.

"Yes," he whispered quietly.

Honestly, it was not the answer Jean had expected and he was dumbstruck.

"Eren…" Armin's voice was soothing, he reached out for his best friend's hand across the table but Eren shook his head and leaned back.

"I'm sure it was nothing you did," Jean tried his best to lend his voice to the attempt of comfort, "You were just graduated from the Cadets…what could you have done?"

"I could have transformed," Eren whispered, "I could have weakened her at least…they would have been able to take her down if she was distracted. I shouldn't have listened to Petra!"

Oh…so that was it.

"Never let anyone else change your mind from what you know you need to do, Jean," Eren stood up from the table quickly and turned to leave, "The choice is yours and yours alone. At least if you fail you'll know you did the best you could."

Jean and Armin watched Eren's retreating back, both lost in their own thoughts.

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"Word has it your first day went well, no casualties," Sigrid commented as she and Jean walked along the streets of Karanese the next day. There was no proceeding with the wall building until Eren had recovered from his previous day's work so the Scouts were all free to take the day to recharge and relax before the next trip outside the Wall, so Sigrid had come to visit her friends…knowing full well every visit could be the last time she saw them.

"That's right, no losses," Jean replied, his voice bitter, "But hardly any progress either, at this rate it's going to take longer than the year we first thought. Eren can only do so much if we don't want to risk him assimilating with his Titan form. Not that it wouldn't an improvement on his looks."

Sigrid giggled. Jean said things sometimes that made her wonder how he had ever earned his Squad's respect. He could be so crass sometimes, his words harsh and not well thought out before spoken. But it was just one of those things you got used to after being around him for a while, if you looked past his harsh way of saying things, there was usually a good point behind it…he really needed to work on his consideration for other people if he planned on moving any further up the ladder of leadership.

"Oh, hush," she told him with a roll of her eyes, "You and I both know you respect Eren Jaeger."

"I don't respect that little twerp," Jean insisted hotly, "He's been a pain in my ass since day one and he always will be!"

"I think you talk big, Jean Kirschstein, but deep down you would kill for Eren," Sigrid commented, looking off towards a shop that caught her eye. It was a few moments before she realized Jean had fallen completely silent and she turned to look at him and found him staring down at the ground, his brows scrunched tightly together as his tightly clenched jaw twitched. Oh…that had not been the right thing to say!

"I have," he said quietly after a long time, surprising Sigrid with the darkness of his tone.

"Everyone has killed Titans," Sigrid attempted to soothe him, wondering why he looked so upset all of a sudden.

"Not Titans," Jean replied grimly.

"Oh."

Honestly, Sigrid didn't know how to reply to that. She had heard of the quick upriding that had taken place among the Scouts against the central government and the corrupt Military Police members…but she had never heard Jean or any of his squad speak of it so she assumed they hadn't had to take part in it much. Apparently she had been dead wrong.

"You were involved in the government takeover?" she asked quietly.

"I am close friend to Queen Historia," Jean admitted, a fact that made Sigrid almost fall over in shock, "I was a member of the Levi Squad up until this assignment, we were on the front line of the uprising. I killed human beings, Sigrid."

This news should affect her. She should be seeing him as a darker, crueler person. She should be running away from such a problematic individual…but, instead, she felt herself being drawn closer into his life, wanting to be a bigger part of it, wanting to soothe and comfort him and wanting to assure him he wasn't the monster he seemed to see himself as.

"Did it need to be done?" she asked simply.

"What?" he looked up at her in surprise.

"Did it need to be done to save Eren? You said you killed for him, so I'm assuming he was in trouble?" Sigird was surprised by herself, how calmly she was handling this revelation. But she was glad she felt how she did because Jean was looking at her with a sort of hopeful expression.

"Yes," he replied, the word coming out more as a sigh than anything, "He was kidnapped. I…can't really go into details for confidentiality reasons but his life was in very real danger, Historia's too."

"Then don't regret it. You did what you had to do to save your friend and our queen."

"Seems like I regret a lot of thing people tell me I shouldn't," Jean pondered unhappily.

"Let's just take a day and forget about regrets, yeah?" Sigrid suggested, tired of seeing the look of unhappiness clouding his handsome features, she wanted to see him smile, hear his laughter, catch that look of relaxed happiness in his beautiful tawny eyes. "It's your day off, let's do something to take your mind off the stress and worries. We have the whole city of Karanese at our disposal!"

"What would you suggest?" Jean asked, seeming grateful for her suggestion.

"How about we go grab some food and have a picnic on a roof somewhere?" Sigrid suggested happily, "And then we can comment on people passing by like I know you love and after that we can take a walk on the Wall and watch the sun set?"

"Have you ever been on the Wall?" Jean asked her, cocking his head slightly.

Sigrid blushed and ducked her head.

"Alright, you caught me," she admitted with a giggle, "I am using you to get me up there. I always wondered what it is about them that makes Kasia so eager to be a part of the Garrison. She told me once that nothing compares to the view from up there…apparently it's breathtaking."

"If you want to get up on the Wall, we can definitely do that," Jean assured her with a half smile.

"Picnic first?"

"Picnic first."

They headed for the nearest market and purchased enough for a modest meal for the both of them, Sigrid splurged a bit and bought them a small strip of pulled taffy to share after they ate. They carefully wrapped their purchases in a cloth and scouted around for a roof suitable for their picnicking needs, selecting one that was flat on top rather than the usual slanted terra cotta tiled kind. They spoke to the inhabitant of the house and were granted permission to go up, probably because Jean was in uniform and full ODM gear.

"This is perfect," Sigrid said as she laid out the food on their cloth and settled down with her legs crossed at the edge of the roof, looking down into the street, "It's a pretty busy section of town with lots of people to see."

Jean sat beside her, letting his legs dangle over the edge. At first they ate in silence, the only sounds were of them chewing and swallowing and the regular bustling street market sounds below, until Sigrid spoke up.

"See that guy in the tan vest with the grey shirt?" she asked, pointing with the piece of bread she was about to eat, "How much you want to bet he bumps into the back of that wagon?"

"Are you kidding? Why would he do that?" Jean rolled his eyes, "I'll be the last cherry tomato he doesn't."

Sigrid eyed the aforementioned tomato on their makeshift picnic "blanket" and nodded.

"You're on," she said with a grin, and she turned her head to watch the man down on the street, "Three…two…one…"

And Jean's jaw dropped in utter disbelief when the man suddenly looked off to the side and ran smack into the back of the wagon, making an "oof" sound and sitting hard on his butt in the dirt. He stood quickly and brushed himself off before scurrying away as fast as he could.

"How the hell…?"

Sigrid didn't answer right away, she was too busy chewing on the last cherry tomato, grinning widely as she did.

"You're observation skill need work, Jean," she said when she had swallowed, "You obviously didn't notice the drop dead gorgeous lady in the green dress that was heading his way. He was looking at her the whole time…so much that he wasn't looking where he was going."

Jean gaped at her and shook his head with a laugh.

"You're unbelieveable," he said with much amusement, "Well, ok, let me observe for a moment then."

He watched the crowd down below and then snapped his fingers as a thought came to him.

"Wanna play a game?" he asked with a smile bright as the sun its self, "My mom and dad used to play this with me. I pick something and I tell you a clue, then you have to find it."

"You're on!"

"Ok," Jean peered down from the roof and squinted his eyes, looking for the perfect item, "I see something…round."

"The wheel on that cart?" Sigrid pointed.

"Nope!"

"That little kid's ball?"

"Nu uh."

"The O on that market sign?"

"Good guess, but wrong."

Sigrid contemplated hard but came up with nothing and she threw her hands up in defeat.

"The watermelons," Jean said, grinning with triumph.

"Those aren't round, Jean!" Sigrid groaned, "Did you fail shapes and colors in school?"

Jean gave her an angry, squinty look and then crossed his arms over his chest, turning his nose up in fake insult.

"Fine, your turn, you mean woman," he said with a huff.

"I'll give you a _real_ clue and make it easier on you," Sigrid teased as she scanned the crowd, "I see something yellow."

"The squash at the market."

"Dang it!"

They continued their game for quite some time and Sigrid was glad to see her plan of distraction had worked, Jean was laughing easily and enjoying himself for the first time in a long time…actually the first time since she'd known him, really. She'd never seen him so much at ease before now.

"Getting close to sunset," his comment broke her from her thoughts and she looked up at the sky to see that he was right. He stood up beside her and offered her a hand to help her up to her feet, which she accepted graciously, enjoying the feel of his strength as she was pulled up.

"We'll never make it to the lifts by the gate in time to see the sunset," she said sadly, annoyed at herself for letting the time get away from her.

"Who needs lifts?" Jean gave her a playful wink and he tapped the ODM case at his right hip.

Sigrid felt a wave of nauseous fear wash over her. The thought of scaling the wall with only two small wires keeping them from falling to their deaths was not an appealing one, she preferred to keep her feet on solid and reliable things…like the ground.

"I…I…don't…" she stuttered, trying to convey to him her discomfort.

"You scared?" Jean looked surprised, "Sigrid Wolfe, a woman who can face a committee full of man-eating officials in full confidence is afraid of a little climb up a wall?"

"Shut up," Sigrid moaned, burying her face in her hands, "It's just…I have a hard time trusting something that could potentially break!"

"Not my gear," Jean assured her, "No way. I triple check this stuff every day, every last inch of it. Now, do you want to see the view from the Wall before the sun sets or not? We have to go now if you do."

And she did, she very much did. So they soon found themselves at the foot of the Wall, their heads tossed back to look up at the sheer height of the massive structure, it was indeed a dizzying sight and Sigrid was beginning to second guess herself as Jean approached her with his arms wide open.

"Just put your arms around my neck and hold onto my sides with your knees," he told her, "Don't get your dress in the moving parts. It'll be fine, we have to carry eachother sometimes in the field so this is nothing new. Connie carried Armin once through the entire town of Trost DURING a battle so this will be a piece of cake."

The idea of wrapping her arms around Jean's neck and being that close to him was too nice of an image to resist and Sigrid found herself pressing her face into the junction of his neck and shoulder tightly as he prepared to launch his anchor for the ascent. Was it her imagination of did he shiver a little bit when she rubbed her nose along his neck as she turned her head to peek over his shoulder?

"Just, uh, just hold on and don't panic," he told her quickly, his voice sounding a bit strained to her for some reason, "If you get scared just close your eyes, we'll be at the top before you know it."

And that was all the warning she got before the sound of zipping wire filled her ears and she felt her feet leave the ground. At first she clenched her eyes shut, but then she allowed them to open slightly. The ground was already so far away and her vision tilted in a sickening way as she looked down.

"Oh, shit!" she squealed softly, to herself more than anything. It was horrifying, the sensation in her stomach as they rose higher and higher, swinging slightly as he unhooked one side and then the other...but there was also something about this that was wonderful as much as it was terrifying. She felt almost as if they were flying on wings instead of wires, the whistle of the wind in her ears was thrilling…and the warm, solid feeling of Jean against her was intoxicating. For the last moments of the climb, she took the opportunity to savor the feeling of him, taking in his scent as she buried her face into his neck yet again, her intention no longer out of fear, but out of appreciation for him as a very fine member of the male species.

"You, uh, you can let go now, Sig," Jean's voice sounded slightly uncomfortable and Sigrid pulled away quickly when she realized her feet were planted on something solid once again. They had reached the top of the Wall. Only seconds had passed, but it felt like a beautiful lifetime.

"That was scary," she whispered as she stepped back from him, her legs shaking…it was only half of a lie. She honestly wanted to do it again.

"Yeah, it's something you have to get used to," he agreed and then he nodded behind her, "I believe that's what Kasia wants you to see for yourself."

And when Sigrid turned around, her heart soared with a whole new sensation at the sight before her. Green hills as far as the eye could see, the river that ran through Karanese stretching out until it disappeared in the distant haze of the horizon, speckles of darker green that Sigrid knew were trees made the land look like it had a weird case of chicken pox. Fat, puffy cloud cast shadows on the ground far below as they drifted lazily over the endless expanse of blue…it was more space than Sigrid had ever seen in her life, more land than she ever dreamed existed.

"Oh…" she whispered, "So…this is…the world…"

"That's it," Jean said simply, leaning to one side and crossing his arms.

"It's so beautiful," Sigrid breathed, taking in every bit to commit to memory, "And you've been out there? What's…what's it like?"

"Dangerous," Jean grumbled, but then he looked down and saw her awed expression and he smiled gently, "But…it's beautiful too. Worth fighting for."

"If we could go out there," she said softly, "We…we would never go hungry. Never."

Jean nodded in agreement and they fell silent, each lost in their own thoughts. The sun was setting fast, casting rays of brightly colored light along the vast distance, like a painting only it was more beauty than a brush could ever capture and Sigrid wondered if anything would ever be this beautiful to her ever again…surely anything within the Walls would fall short of this.

"No wonder Kasia wants to be up here," she mused quietly.

"Someday," Jean said softly, and Sigrid never did know if he was speaking to her or to himself, "We'll take it all back."

And, standing the in the last rays of the sun's dying light, Sigrid believed him.

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 **Whoot whoot! This story is up and running again!**

 **Read, enjoy, and review!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Wow, you all, I am so sorry this took so long! I had to pull a 72 hour work week and we ran all day every day and I was a total zombie for like four days…but I got some much needed sleep and I'm taking the moment to write!**

 **OC Facts:**

 **Phillip is afraid of spiders, but cockroaches render him completely immobile with terror. Someone else has to kill them for him.**

 **Whinny is afraid of deep water because she doesn't know how to swim.**

 **Sigrid is afraid of snakes because they tend to show up under plants when she's reaching down to pick them. She can't even count the amount of times she's nearly been bitten by a startled snake.**

 **Kasia is afraid of tight places, even being inside the Walls makes her feel claustrophobic. This is a major reason for her wanting to join the Garrison and spend her time on top of the Walls.**

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The Wall was growing, Jean noted with some appreciation. In the month that they'd been working on it, Eren had managed to form eighteen more sections and now the engineers were working hard putting the finishing touches on, filling in the cracks left by Eren's spiderweb-like formations, the unfinished wall was littered with scaffolding and ladders and ropes and several Garrison members on ODM gear as they carefully watched the ground and horizon for threats.

Jean and his Squad were stationed at the very end of the new Wall section, forming a semi-circle around the jagged edge of it and keeping their eyes open for Titans on the horizon. So far, so good…not a single squad posted in the area had seen any. Some of the squads further out had engaged in combat according to the reports from the runners that were charged with keeping messages flowing between all Squads, something Armin had suggested after the horrors of the first week out.

Jean remembered the moment vividly in his mind, the image of that single tattered soldier as she slumped in her saddle burned into his memory. She was barely in the saddle, her horse running on pure instinct to get back to the Wall, and she was battered and bruised and covered in steaming Titan blood and the blood of her companions.

"S…Squad Leader…Kirschstein, sir," she had wheezed out around the pain of her broken ribs, "Squad Twenty Seven is…wiped out…four fifteen meters…three miles West."

And she had collapsed off the side of the horse, luckily Jean and Phillip had been there to catch her and ease her to the ground. As she lay there in the grass, panting for breath and moaning, Jean felt his stomach drop…these four were the first casualties of the mission and their blood was on his hands.

The injured soldier was taken back inside the Wall and she lived, but Jean couldn't get her out of his mind. He'd paced back and forth in his room for hours, trying to figure out how it could have been prevented, ignoring the knocks on the door by his concerned Squad-mates when he didn't come out for dinner. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and couldn't think of anything else but the unrecoverable bodies of four brave soldiers who died on his orders.

Armin had suggested choosing the best riders and the fastest horses to bear messages between the Squads. They traveled in pairs, watching eachothers' backs and also being able to provide support if they came upon a Squad in combat. The system was working well, one Squad in particular had been grateful for them when the runners had jumped into combat with them, successfully defeating three large Titans with ground maneuvering since their post lacked any trees to assist them.

And so, today, a month into the operation, only ten soldiers had been lost in total. However, ten was still too much for Jean and he felt the deaths sitting heavy on his heart and he was beginning to wonder if he was cut out for this after all…surely Commander Erwin didn't feel so strongly when he lost people?

"Sir," Phillip spoke up suddenly and broke Jean from his thoughts, "Runner team approaching."

Sure enough, two riders were approaching fast, one of them had long black hair flowing out behind her…and Jean recognized her with a sick jolt in his stomach. The last soldier from Squad Twenty Seven. She and her companion came skidding to a halt and she saluted, her fist smacking into her chest firmly and Jean noticed her wince, giving it away that she was still healing after her ordeal.

"Squad Leader Kirschstein, sir!" she spoke up loudly, covering for her little show of pain very well, "Messenger Duo Five, Leyla Dunham and Kristoff Freytag reporting."

 _Leyla. So that was her name._ He hated that he hadn't ever asked what her name was before.

Jean returned the salute and asked her to continue her report.

"All Inner Squads report no activity within sight, outer Squads have engaged three times according to secondary Messenger Duos. No casualties reported, sir."

"That's good news," Whinny breathed a sigh of relief from Jean's left side and he nodded silently in agreement.

"Thank you, Leyla. Kristoff." Leyla's companion, a slender dark haired young man, smiled. The Messengers gave anther quick salute and then turned their horses sharply, heading out past the new Wall section to where Squad Twelve was stationed near a distant copse of trees.

"I gotta tell you, Armin, I don't know what I'd do without you here," Jean said quietly as he watched the riders galloping away, "I'm very thankful that you chose to come with me. I'm not too proud to admit I sometimes don't know what I'm doing."

"Most of the time," Phillip corrected him, earning a very stern look and a jab on the ribs from Whinny.

"That's not nice," she chided him, but Jean didn't deny his comrade's statement.

Armin had remained silent about the compliment he'd just been given, his sharp blue eyes focused on the messengers as they became small dots in the distance, but now he turned and sighed, looking grim.

"It's not a foolproof plan, Jean," he reminded his friend, "People are still going to die before this is over and you have to be prepared for that. You've had your moment to mope and feel sorry for yourself, now it's time for you to accept your position as a leader and all the hardship that comes with it."

Armin's harsh words were like a slap in the face to Jean and he visibly recoiled from his blond tactician. Whinny and Phillip stared at Armin like they'd never seen him before. Connie and Sasha glanced over their shoulders from their posts on the edge of the group and then exchanged an uncomfortable look before looking back out to the horizon, their heads cocked slightly to continue listening to the conversation behind them.

"I know you are in a difficult position, heading up this expansion and everything, but Erwin and Levi believed you were the right man for the job…so when you doubt yourself and put yourself down, you're doubting them as well."

Armin rounded on Phillip, eyes flashing.

"And you're not helping matters with your condescending comments about Jean's leadership!" he snapped at the brown haired soldier. Phillip had the good grace to hang his head, looking slightly ashamed and Whinny was fixing him in an 'I told you so' glare.

"I know, Armin," Jean sighed, ignoring the last part about Phillip, "And I have no intention of failing this assignment, but I never thought I'd have to make these calls again…after Trost…losing all those people on the way to headquarters…that was my decision, my call, and I hoped I would never have to do that again. I'm just….dealing with the weight of my decisions but I'll be alright. We'll be alright."

"Of course we will!" Whinny spoke up, her voice confident and full of hope, "We're Squad Kirschstein and we don't let a few setbacks bring us down!"

 _Squad Kirschstein?_ Jean looked at Whinny with an odd expression, halfway between delight and pain. The fact that Whinny gladly claimed the title made him feel proud but he also felt a tight painful pressure in his heart from the sheer amount of companionship he felt towards the enthusiastic redhead.

"Is that what we're calling ourselves these days?" Phillip asked, his tone very blasé.

"I think it has a nice ring to it," Sasha offered her opinion.

"This will be the second time I've been in Squad Kirschstein," Connie laughed, "Remember? You led Annie, Marco and I while Eren plugged the hole in Trost. The Garrison Squad Leader called us "Squad Kirschstein" back then too."

"You and I are the only ones left, huh?" Jean's throat tightened sadly at the memory of his best friend and the silent blonde who, despite being the traitor she was, had saved his life that day.

"Yeah…" Connie said sadly and he looked back at Jean with a questioning expression, "Do you think Annie will ever wake up and answer for what she did?"

"I don't know," Jean admitted grimly, remembering the hours he'd spent in the dungeon with Annie's crystalized body, silent and still with absolutely no changes.

"Would you?" Armin asked quietly, earning him the attention of the entire Squad, "Remember what Bertholdt said when they tried to take Eren? He said he truly saw us as his friends and that it was foolish of us to assume they were happy about what they did…'who do you think _wants_ to kill people?' he said. I don't think Annie wanted to do what she did any more than Reiner or Bertholdt…and I think the guilt consumed her in the end. So many people think she locked herself away because of her fear of being caught and tortured for information, but I don't think that's what it was at all."

"She's a coward," Jean muttered, "Not only was she too ashamed to face us and answer for what she did, she also left her comrades to handle things on their own."

"Bertholdt loved her," Armin said softly, "I hated myself for what I said to him to get Eren back…lying about her being tortured. For all they've done to us and all the people they killed...I still can't help but remember the good things they did as well, the lives they saved."

"I can't forgive them," Phillip said quietly.

"Neither can I," Connie agreed grimly, "Not after seeing my family like that…my mom…"

"I just want to know why," Sasha said, her eyes unfocused and distant, "Why did they do it?"

Everyone fell into silence, each of them caught up in their thoughts of the destruction they'd seen, the lives snuffed out in front of their eyes, the devastation and pain and death that had surrounded them since their Cadet days.

Whinny remained silent and thoughtful her hazel eyes focusing on each of her Squad mates in turn, studying them.

"It seems to me," she finally spoke, softly and thoughtfully, "That you want them to give you a reason good enough that you will be able to justify their actions and maybe forgive them?"

"I suppose so," Armin replied honestly, "Hoping against hope that they aren't the monsters we believe them to be."

"But could _anything_ justify what they did?" Whinny challenged, "What would it take for you to do something like they did?"

"How is it any different than what Erwin did in Stohess?" Phillip asked, his voice tense, "Innocent people died for what _he_ believed was right. We're all the same…we all believe that our truth is absolute and our reasons are validated, we just happen to be on the other side of what they believe to be the right thing."

Such profound words from such an unexpected source caused everyone to fall silent, watching the horizon as the sun began to sink low on the horizon.

Jean motioned for the nearest pair of standby messengers to begin rounding up the Squads.

"Whinny, Connie, inform the engineers we are packing it up for the day," he ordered. Connie and Whinny nodded ad each took one side of the new Wall, riding down the length of it to bring the news to the workers.

"You three, we hold this position until all Squads are accounted for," Jean reminded his companions.

"Yes, sir." They replied as a unit.

One by one the Squads reported in and gave a quick recap if they had any kind of Titan sightings and then they lined up and headed towards the gate. Finally, all Squads and Messengers had returned and Jean allowed himself to turn his back on the horizon, the Garrison keeping their eyes open for threats as the Scouts and the engineers made their way back towards the safety of the Wall.

When Jean passed under the gate and heard it close behind them, he breathed a sigh of relief. They had made it through another day and there had been no casualties…any day he could say this was a success in his opinion.

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 **Sorry this is so short but I REALLY need a nap so this seemed like a good place to end this chappie :D**

 **Read, review and make me super happy!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Been drawing my hand off so writing got pushed to the wayside for a bit while I was on vacation, but I'm back!**

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"Kirschstein, may I speak to you privately, please?"

Jean looked up from his bowl of stew and looked at the inquirer questioningly, it was Levi and standing next to the Captain was the girl from Squad 27, Leyla Dunham.

"Sure, Captain," Jean nodded apologetically to Whinny who had been in the middle of telling him a story involving three chickens and an alley cat, "Excuse me, Whinny?"

"Of course, sir," Whinny smiled brightly and took a bite of her luke-warm food. It was common occurrence for Whinny's food to get cold while she yakked away to her squad mates or anyone who happened to sit by her at dinner.

Jean fell in step beside Levi and gave Leyla a smile and a nod as he acknowledged his recognition of her and the three of them made their way out of the mess hall and through the throngs of Garrison soldiers on their way to Squad 78's quarters.

When they stepped into the bunk room where Jean and his squad had been put up by the Garrison captain, Levi turned around and fixed Jean in his usual emotionless, dull stare.

"Rumor has it a young Squad Leader in the Scouts is making waves," he said without and sort of formalities.

"I…what?" Jean sputtered, "Me?"

Levi rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in annoyance.

"Yes, you idiot," he replied, "Did you think I'd send you out here on your own and not keep an eye on you? I've been receiving feedback from other Squad Leaders and soldiers about you to make sure you weren't out here fucking up the mission."

"And…?" Jean vaguely thought that it was a bit conceited to want to hear what was being said about him but his curiosity outweighed his manners, as usual.

Levi cocked an eyebrow and tilted his head slightly, looking highly unimpressed.

"And I've received an overwhelming amount of approval. There is an agreement among them that you doubt your decisions too much…but the lack of casualties so far has caused people to trust you more than they did when you started out."

Jean nodded, knowing his shortcomings like the back of hand. He wondered if the decision making would ever become easier. He doubted it, because every decision he made had people's lives connected to it.

"That being said, you have a very strong supporter among the ranks of the Scouts who is seeking to join your Squad."

Jean blinked slowly, surprised.

"Who?" he asked in amazement.

Levi didn't speak, he simply nodded his head at Leyla. She had been silent and still the entire time, standing slightly behind Jean as he and Levi spoke…but now she stepped forward and her eyes were bright and eager as she opened her mouth to speak.

"That would be me, sir," she blurted, a little bit too loud for normal conversation, and she blushed slightly before lowering her tone slightly, "I've been watching you…not, not in a creepy way or anything, just watching the way you lead and how your Squad members seem to respect you and work well together and…well, it reminds me a lot of how my Squad used to be…and…I'd like to be a part of it if you'll have me."

The girl shifted her weight from foot to foot as she waited for Jean to say something.

"I…wow, you _want_ to join my Squad without even being assigned to it by the higher powers?" Jean wondered, wide-eyed and completely blown away by this girl's enthusiasm for his rag-tag group of soldiers.

"Yes, sir!" Leyla answered immediately, not at all hesitant, "I mean…if you and your Squad will have me…"

"What do you think, sir?" Jean glanced at Levi. He didn't even know if this was acceptable to do? Can people just choose what Squad they want these days?

"Don't look at me," Levi blew him off, "I'm not your mother you shitty little whelp."

"I just want to know if this is allowed," Jean huffed, annoyed at Levi's complete lack of guidance in the matter, "Like, are the higher ups going to allow it?"

"Why do you think I'm the one who came and pulled you in here?" Levi asked, his tone clearly meant to make Jean feel stupid…it worked.

"Uh…yeah…that's right…" Jean sputtered and turned away from the Captain to face Leyla, she smiled brightly at him, eagerness written on every inch of her face, "I would be glad to have you in my Squad, Leyla. Welcome to 78th."

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Whinny's squeal of excitement when he had introduced Leyla to the Squad back in the mess hall left Jean's ears ringing and he watched the two girls across the table as they chatted animatedly and formed a fast friendship in a matter of seconds. Even Phillip looked a tiny bit excited to have a new addition to their ranks, he was also listening to the girls' conversation with his chin resting on his hand and Jean noticed his eyes were slightly hazy as he stared at the curls in Whinny's ginger hair.

Tomorrow was the start of a small furlough for his Squad since the wall sections Jaeger had created were officially reinforced and ready for the final, intricate stone work to commence. It was a good stopping point, the higher ups had decided, and the Engineers and Scouts deserved a few days to relax and renew their energy for the next leg of the expansion.

"You can bunk with Sasha or Whinny," Jean commented as they discussed their small HQ by Sigrid's village.

"Whinny," Connie blurted out, "You should choose Whinny."

Jean rolled his eyes and fixed his short squad mate in a glare.

"Connie, shut up," he grumbled and then he turned to Leyla to explain the uncharacteristically unfriendly statement from Connie, "These two are…together. You definitely don't want to bunk with Sasha if they're gonna be going at it like rabbits."

Leyla scrunched her nose and broke into laughter.

"No thank you!" she said with her hands up in front of her, "I'll stick with Whinny, thank you very much. No offense but I don't have any interest in seeing that."

The Squad remained in the mess hall late into the evening, chatting and getting to know eachother, until Phillip's head slid off his hand and thunked heavily onto the table. Everyone looked over at him in surprise and discovered he'd fallen asleep and was now snoring loudly against the wood of the table.

"How late is it, anyway?" Whinny asked, immediately reaching over and rubbing Phillip's shoulder to wake him up, he blinked as he raised his head slowly and looked at her with a confused and tired expression.

"Obviously past Phillip's bedtime," Leyla commented.

"It's past everyone's bedtime, if you ask me," Sasha yawned a huge yawn that Connie mimicked nearly perfectly in sync from her side, "What time are we leaving for HQ tomorrow, Jean?"

"Seven AM," Jean replied and a collective groan went up from the squad members, even Armin's head lolled back in dismay. "You guys better be ready to ride at seven, it was your choice to stay up late. Plans don't change for your comfort."

"Yes sir!" Leyla replied enthusiastically, "We'll be ready."

Jean smiled at his newest member, between Leyla and Whinny maybe they could whip the boys and Sasha into shape for him.

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Indeed, the Squad were all gathered together in the stable by seven, bags packed and ready to move out even though half of them looked ready to slide off their horses as they began to head out. Phillip's shoulders were slumped and he kept yawning, Sasha was leaning forward onto her horse's neck while Connie rode beside her and kept one hand out beside him in case she started to slide off. Whinny and Leyla were talking in quiet voices to avoid being too loud in the ears of their sleepy comrades. Armin rode alongside Jean at the front of the Squad and they discussed the upcoming furlough as their horses plodded along.

"A whole two weeks?" Armin was shocked at the news of how long they'd be allowed to stay at HQ before the next round of reclamation.

"Yeah, Eren needs to get plenty of rest before he starts working on the next section," Jean informed his second-in-command, "Doesn't mean we get to lay around and be lazy though, we got training to do to keep sharp for the next round."

"Of course," Armin nodded in agreement, "But don't forget to let them all have a little bit of fun too, Jean."

"Yeah, Jean, don't be a slavedriver," Phillip snarked from behind them and Jean cast a snarl over his shoulder before kicking his horse into a trot to separate himself from the rest of his squad for a while.

He was glad to be heading back to HQ, and not just for the relaxation…he hadn't been able to get a certain girl from the village off his mind since their day together in Karanese. Sometimes, out of nowhere, he'd think about the way she'd felt in his arms as they scaled the Wall to watch the sunset and her laughter as they commented on passerbyers from the rooftops. He couldn't wait to see Sigrid.

Somewhere behind him, someone had begun whistling a jaunty tune and he smiled when he recognized the song. He slowed his horse and fell back with his Squad to see who was whistling, it was Connie and he didn't seem to even realize he was doing it as he kept an eye on Sasha's sleeping form. Jean and his horse fell into step beside him and Jean began to sing along to the familiar tune, one they had sung in their days as Cadets.

"Through the air we soar, supported by nothing but our indomitable will," he began in a clear deep baritone. Connie stopped whistling and looked over at him in surprise and Sasha raised her head from where her face had been buried in her horse's mane to see who had just sung.

"Wow, Jean, I didn't know you could sing!" she stated groggily, "Keep going, you two, it's really nice."

Connie grinned and began whistling again, leading into song so Jean could find his place and begin singing again. By now, Armin had fallen back too and Phillip, Whinny and Leyla were watching the four old friends with interest on their faces.

"Through the air we soar, supported by nothing but our indomitable will," Jean started again.

"As if we've sprouted wings while kept inside our cage," Armin took the next line, a soft and gentle tenor.

"Dismayed but not broken, we break out of our shackles," Sasha's strong soprano joined in.

"And we leap over the Walls to face the world beyond," Connie stopped whistling and sang the next line, also a tenor but noticeably different than Armin.

They all broke into smiles as they joined together in harmony for the chorus.

"Take back what was stolen from us! Don't take this Hell lying down! Fly, Cadets, fly on to freedom! We are the future and we will honor the sacrifices of the past with our lives!"

When the four of them ended their song, the newer members clapped and cheered and even Phillip looked impressed.

"Wow, you guys should go on tour!" Leyla claimed excitedly, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye, "That was lovely!"

The fours of them exchanged embarrassed glances, except for Connie who looked almost hopeful that they WOULD go on tour. Jean shook his head and laughed lightly.

"One step at a time, guys," he commented seriously, "Let's get this section of the Wall closed in first and see where we go from there."

"Agreed!" Sasha said loudly, "But promise me we'll seriously consider it!"

"Don't be a dummy, Sash," Connie rolled his eyes, but his smile and wink made it clear he was only teasing her, "If we _did_ try to go on tour we'd have to find someone who can sing high like you but doesn't screech those highest notes."

"Oh, well then _you_ could take my spot and I'll take yours!" Sasha teased right back.

The two of them fell into good-natured bickering and Jean moved away from them and spurred his horse into a canter, feeling the need for the little bit of freedom he always felt when riding across the open land.

 _Soon,_ he thought to himself, _we'll have five more square miles of land to call humanity's._

It wasn't much in the grand scheme of things…but it was a very important start.

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 **Sorry this is a little short, friends! And goodness, sorry it took so long! I've been setting up my Connie Springer RP blog on tumblr (look me up, my username if mightymousespringer) and that took a LONG time to edit the theme and icons and such!**

 **This is a sort of transition chapter to introduce Leyla into the Squad and set the stage for the next chapter. But the song may come into play later on…just saying!**

 **Review and be awesome :D**


	16. Chapter 16

**So…basically I've been a sleep-deprived zombie for the last month or so and writing has not been coming very easy to me so I sincerely hope this chapter turns out alright because I'm really making an effort to write today no matter how tired I am!**

 **To anyone getting pissy about the probability of building the Wall and all that…come here…come closer {{whispers}} I don't care what you think!**

 **I've thought it out and it makes sense in my mind even if it's not perfect. Just go with it and stop overanalyzing because this is just for fun.**

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By the time day three of their furlough rolled around, Jean wasn't even sure if he could manage another week and a half stuck in a house with his Squad. Between Phillip's gloomy sarcasm that seemed to be increased exponentially out of boredom, Connie and Sasha's late night escapades that had definitely increased out of freedom, Whinny and Leyla's constant high-pitched chit chat, and even Armin's running over the plan for expansion in depth…all of it was grating on his last nerve and he had fled the house on horseback out of the necessity for some blessed silence, heading in no certain direction in particular.

The wind in his ears and the feel of the ground trembling under the hooves of his steed were soothing his stressed out mind and he smiled as he let his horse have her head and go where she pleased while he relaxed and enjoyed the ride. So he was incredibly surprised when he heard a voice calling out his name over the sound of hoofbeats.

"Jean! Hey, Jean, where are you headed?"

The familiar voice made Jean's eyes open and he pulled the reins tight to turn quickly and see if his ears had heard correctly. He was delighted to see that they had, because Sigrid was walking towards him with a basket full of food.

"I was just on my way to bring you and your Squad tomorrow's meals," she told him, looking worried "You haven't been called back to the Wall already, have you?"

"No, I just had to get out of there for a little while," Jean admitted, bringing his horse to a stop and dismounting to stand next to her, "It gets kinda crowded, ya know?"

"No, I don't," Sigrid sighed unhappily, "Since Kasia joined the military my place is always empty. It gets really lonely…you're lucky to have your Squad even on the days they annoy you."

"You know you can always come to the base when we're here?" Jean offered, "It would be nice to have a fresh face around the place. I'm getting kinda tired of looking at Phillip's frowning and Connie's love-struck idiot expression."

Sigrid laughed and rubbed the horse's nose as they walked.

"What's Phillip frowning about now?" she asked.

"A shorter list would be what DOESN'T he frown about," Jean replied, shaking his head slowly at the thought of his grumpy comrade. People called HIM a grouch, well they obviously had never met Phillip.

"I don't know, I think he's funny," Sigrid said, shrugging and grinning, "He's so sarcastic and watching you two go at it is like a clash of an unstoppable force and an immovable object."

Jean had to admit, he and Phillip were more alike than he liked to think, but instead of gracing Sigrid with an answer, he let out an annoyed huff and kept walking. Phillip got on his nerves a lot, but there was no denying the boy's loyalty to the Squad since his first, nearly detrimental, run-in with the Titans. His relationship with Whinny was solid and, for the most part, decent in public unlike Connie and Sasha…

Maybe Phillip was going to make a good soldier after all.

"You can maybe hide it from Phillip, but I can tell you're proud of him," Sigrid spoke softly, ducking down to look at Jean from under the horse's neck as they walked, "You're proud of everyone on your Squad. You make a great leader."

The familiar words were like a punch in the gut and visions of Marco's genuine smile and his trusting brown eyes danced in his brain, his breath was knocked out of his lungs for a moment until he managed to come back to reality. Sigrid was looking at him with concern, her eyes wide.

"Jean, are you alright?"

"Y-yeah," Jean shook his head and gave her a small smile, "Just…thinking of the first person who ever told me that."

"Oh…" Sigrid's voice was full of understanding, "They're not here anymore, are they?"

Jean nodded and dropped his eyes to stare at the ground as it passed under his feet. Always moving forward…that's all they could do anymore, take small steps forward towards a future.

"No, he's not," he finally answered her question, his voice somewhat strained from the emotions behind the words, "He died in Trost…just after the graduation. He was in the Top Ten, number seven; right after me. He wanted to join the MP and serve the King…he was a real goody two shoes, ya know?"

"You sound like you really admired him," Sigrid offered, obviously seeing right past the bitter words.

"He was my best friend…"

They continued walking in silence, Jean not really in the mood to discuss Marco and Sigrid knowing better than to ask anything else about the matter once she saw his reaction. The wound wasn't healed, maybe it never quite would be.

Eventually, the two of them came into sight of the small compound and Jean saw two figures running to meet them at the gate. The figures soon got close enough to be identified as Whinny and Sasha, each had an armful of laundry but they waited at the gate until Jean and Sigrid reached it and then fell into step beside them on the way back to the main quarters.

"Sigrid! It feels like it's been forever!" Sasha stated, her voice full of excitement as she eyed the large basket at her friend's side, "What's in there?"

"Sasha, come on, curb your appetite at least until Sigrid's had a chance to settle down for a bit," Jean muttered as he veered off in the direction of the stables to brush his horse and put him up for the night. He completely missed Sasha sticking her tongue out at him as they parted ways.

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Sigrid felt an easy calm wash over her when Whinny pushed the front door open and the sound of familiar voices filled her ears, she realized suddenly how much she'd missed them all while they'd been gone helping with guarding the new section of Wall as it was built.

"Sigrid!" Connie's voice piped up above the normal conversation and she looked at the buzzcut boy with a smile.

"Hello, Connie!" she greeted him with equal enthusiasm as he scrambled off the bench at the kitchen table to come over to her.

"What? Sigrid's here?" Armin's blond head popped around the corner of the hall and a smil spread over his face.

Soon enough, all of them had ushered her inside and even Phillip smiled at her and offered the empty spot on the bench next to him for her to sit, so she did and nudged him in the arm.

"Hi, Phillip. Been causing Jean much trouble lately?"

"What? Not at all, I'm a regular ray of sunshine all the time," Phillip replied dryly with a roll of his eyes, turning his attention back to the wooden figure of a bear that he was whittling.

Phillip's comment brought a sharp bark of laughter from Sasha and giggles from Whinny and Sigrid was surprised when the redhead pressed a kiss to Phillip's cheek as she sat at his other side. Apparently there were many things she'd missed since seeing her friends last…

"Well, aren't you two just cute?" she teased, leaning over to look at Whinny around Phillip's carving, "Just about as nauseating as Connie and Sasha were last time I was here."

"Heyyyy," Connie whined from where he and Sasha stood by the stove, digging through the contents of the basket she'd brought with her. "We're not nauseating, we're adorable!"

"Yeah," Sasha agreed around a mouthful of raw carrot that she'd been munching on a moment before, "We're the cutest couple behind the Walls and you know it."

That was the moment Jean happened to come through the front door and he rolled his eyes and slammed the door behind him. The loud noise caused both Sasha and Connie to jump in surprise and put some much needed distance between them and the basket of food. Leyla pulled the door open a few seconds later and looked at Jean in annoyance.

"How incredibly rude of you to slam the door in my face, sir!" she commented unhappily, and then she smiled when she noticed a new face at the table, "Oh! Hello! You must be Sigrid, I'd know you anywhere from Jean's description of you."

Sigrid felt a slight blush burn on her cheeks and she noticed how quickly Jean became occupied with scolding Connie and Sasha about raiding the food basket, but she nodded in reply to the girl's question.

"Yes, that's me, but I don't believe we've met before."

"Oh, I'm Leyla! I'm the newest member of Squad Kirschstein since my original Squad was attacked during the mission." There was a hint of sadness in the girl's words and Sigrid felt a pang of sympathy for her.

"Well, Leyla, it's a pleasure to meet you," she offered her hand and Leylas took it in a greeting shake, "You couldn't have ended up on a better Squad. I'm sorry about your first group…"

Leyla waved a hand dismissively with a wry smile.

"It's done. It's the past…all I want now is to look ahead and move forward."

Sigrid was about to reply when Phillip spoke up next to her.

"So, we gonna eat here or what? I mean, I'm assuming that's why Sigrid bought all this food with her."

Everyone's hunger seemed to be realized at the resident grump's words and soon the kitchen was buzzing with activity as everyone milled about helping prepare dinner. Phillip was setting the table, Armin was slicing the bread and gathering butter and jam, Sasha and Connie were peeling carrots and potatoes for the stew while Jean cut the lamb leg into stew sized pieces. Leyla was digging through the cupboard for appropriate spices. Whinny and Sigrid were carrying water in from the pump in the yard. The smell of lamb stew cooking soon filled the room and everyone's tummies began grumbling in response, Sasha's loudest and most noticeable of all.

"Ooooh it hurts," the brunette mumbled as she returned to the pot to stir it for probably the twentieth time, "Come on, stew…BOIL!"

"Watched pots never boil, Sash, everyone knows that," Jean commented dully, his own stomach growled loudly and Sigrid giggled.

"Here," she said, holding the plate of bread out across the table to him, "Everyone have some of this to tide you over until the stew's ready. I mean, where is it written in stone that you have to eat all part of a meal at the same time? I hear rich folks have like ten courses to a meal sometimes…"

Sasha and Connie both groaned, looking dreamy eyed at the prospect of such a meal and Sigrid had to admit, it sounded marvelous to her as well. Living off of the land and what the ground decides to give you wasn't always easy, how nice it must be to sit in your big, beautiful house inside Wall Sina and never worry about where your next meal is coming from.

"STEW'S DONE!" Whinny's unnecessarily loud yell jerked Sigrid from her thoughts, "Come and get it!"

Everyone was up and heading for the stove at once and it resulted in a mad jumble of bodies, especially since Sasha climbed over the counter to get in front of everyone. Sigrid stayed back at the table with Jean and Leyla who seemed to have no interest in getting involved in the tangle of limbs, bowls and stew. Finally, the others came back to the table and the three of them went up in a much more well-mannered way to get their helpings.

The time passed in relative silence as everyone filled their demanding stomachs and everyone seemed satisfied to let it be that way. For the first time in a while since the mission began, everyone felt at peace, surrounded by friends who were practically family, relatively safe in their home away from their homes. Sigrid found herself wishing that Kasia was home too...other than that, it was a perfect moment and she considered herself far more blessed to have this simple stew than a thousand ten course meals if it meant she got to share it with the people around her right now.

 **AOT AOT AOT AOT AOT AOT AOT AOT AOT AOT AOT AOT AOT AOT AOT AOT AOT**

 **So this is sort of a transitional chapter so it's a little shorter than some, but I kept my promise and got this chapter done :D**

 **Merry Christmas, Alicia! Told you I'd finish it today!**


End file.
